Just because I've been happier these days, doesn't mean I'm not sad anymore. I miss him so much, so very very much. There are still moments that I don't think I can do it a second longer. I still have the times where I think I can not live here without him and I wonder how I keep drawing breath. I fight through those moments. I don't imagine they will ever go away. I don't think I really want them to. I don't want to hurt, but when I have those moments I also remember how much I love him. How deep our love was. And how ever lasting our love is and always will be. No matter what. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. It would have been 2 years this year. Two years since I said I Do to the love of my life. Until death do us part. I still think back on how we never thought that parting could be so soon. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. Most likely, I will go to the beach. That seems to be the standard when I need my Jonny time. There are times when I'm at the beach that I can feel him so close that I can close my eyes and reach out and touch him, right next to me. We didn't even get to celebrate one year together, and now I celebrate these anniversaries alone. But celebrate I will. Because I will love that man with every inch of my being until I die, no matter what.
I love you Jonny Porto, my love, my Stinky. I miss you more than I can put in to words. Thank you for choosing me to be your wife. Happy anniversary, almost, my angel.