Moment by Moment

A simple mantra to help keep one foot moving in front of the other.
I just wanted to take a moment to share a couple things with my amazing blog community, as many people have asked similar questions and I haven't had quite the chance to reply to really anything, I'm sure you understand. I do, however, get and read each comment on my phone, so your thoughts and prayers are making it to me and I appreciate each and every one of them and thank you all so much.

Anyway, the information sharing.
Many people have asked funeral details as they want to pay their respects. So far we have only a piece scheduled, the actual funeral will be scheduled later on today, but the viewing is set as follows:

Visitation Period for
Cpl Jonathan D. Porto
Tuesday 23 March
1700-2000
Anderson-McQueen Family Tribute Center
N.E. Location
2201 Dr. MLK St. North
St. Petersburg FL

I include this information as I know many people, Marines and fellow service members especially, have asked when/if they may pay their respects to my beloved.
I remind those of you in blogosphere and other interweb destinations that this a respectable family event to grieve the loss of someone that meant the world to me and many, many people. So, if you have a point to make on the war or any political view for that matter, this is not the place to do it. Have some respect.

Also people have asked if they can send things. My mom made a great point; Jonny is a Marine, not a flower girl, so we are not really asking for flowers to be donated. In lieu of flower donations, we know Jonny would want more than anything to know his daughter is well taken care of. So for those of you asking, a trust fund has been set up for Ariana.
Donations can be sent to

Aberdeen Proving Ground Federal Credit Union
ATTN: Collean McKinney for the account of Ariana Ralyn Porto
P.O. Box 1176
Aberdeen, MD 21001

all checks should be made payable to Ariana Ralyn Porto

Funeral arrangements have not been finalized yet and there are still some other details to be worked out and I will do my best to keep you all updated.

Once again thank you for the incredible out pouring of love, thoughts, and prayers.

Semper Fi,

I Will Always Be a Marine Wife

I just need to share some sad news with all of my blog friends.
Sad isn't even the word to describe it, but honestly at this point I can't find the words to describe it. Angry, empty, crushed, confused, shocked, alone, unglued, hateful, depressed, beaten down... none of these words can do justice to my feelings.
I am being forced to do something that no 23 year old woman should ever have to do. I am being forced to do something that no one should ever have to do, not at this early in life, especially. I am being forced to lay the love of my life, my saving grace, my entire world to rest.
Sometimes hashing it out in words helps, so I'm trying to blog about it. To wrap my mind around why God would do this to me, to him, to us. I can't fathom how any of this has happened, it all still feels so surreal, there's no way this is real I am having a nightmare. Unfortunately this is a nightmare I am unable to wake up from.

On Sunday 14 March, Cpl Jonathan Daniel Porto, my one and only soul mate, died while on operations in Helmand Province, Afghanistan when the vehicle he was in flipped over. On Monday 15 March, a CACO came to my house to notify me of the terrible news. I'm not even going to begin to describe my reaction at that. On Tuesday 16 March I went to Dover AFB to welcome my beloved husband home. It is not the way I had intended to welcome him home, I had planned that in a few more months he'd be walking off the bus, I'd be standing there with a 6-8 month old Ariana with our signs, smiling, waiting for him to enter our arms. I did not ever imagine I'd be watching an honor guard escort a metal box draped in an American flag off a jet. Never did I imagine that on Friday I would be heading to Florida to make funeral arrangements. This is not how it was supposed to happen. It is not fair. I am so angry, I'm hurt... I'm... I don't even know. I'm missing him. I miss him. I need him, I want him here with me, and my wishes will never, ever be met. I do know that he is here with me, just not the way that I desire. I do know that he has been with Ariana, I know that he has spoken to me and her both and I pray with everything that I am that he will continue to do so.

If you are interested in reading more about this, google has all kinds of articles on him. I want the world to know, however, that some articles mistakenly put that my husband joined the Corps only because he could not find a job. He joined the Corps because he was looking for meaning and purpose in his life and because he felt a calling to be a United States Marine. And he was a DAMN good Marine, an AMAZING husband, and even from miles and miles away, a WONDERFUL father.

I will forever hold you in my heart, Jonny. I love you much more than words can express. I miss you so much it hurts. I will be seeing you again.

If the Army and the Navy,
Ever look on Heaven’s scenes;
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines.

A Couple Highlights (DAY 96!)

Well, it's been a while since I've actually written a real post. I have been on the go, go, go since arriving in NC last Tuesday.

In the order of time I'm not going to give a play-by-play of the entire week, just a few highlights.

• Wednesday: Doc appt (gyn), everything is looking good and normal. Walked from the hospital to my friend's house, a much longer walk than it seems. Made some brownies in Jars for Mr. P.
  
• Thursday: WIC annoyed me as usual but I did get some formula for Ari. I'm still breastfeeding, I'm just using some help. Anyone who wants to give me crap about it, frankly, can suck it, because it is my body not yours (sorry to be vulgar but that's the way it is). Had my cervical biopsy. Wasn't comfortable but I'm glad it's over with. The fun people there didn't want to let me get it done because I had baby girl with me but a few tears and a mini-breakdown later and it was all done (and she was a good girl, just hung out in her seat!). Went to the battalion family readiness meeting and got to hear first hand what's up and what we have planned for the coming months. Realized how dumb some people are for not listening to me that they are not shortening the deployment (I'm not getting into it but I just don't know why people keep spreading rumors!)
  
• Friday: Enjoyed dinner at a friend's house. She had a bunch of people over and it was great to just hang out and catch up and eat delicious food. Also did a bit of shopping earlier in the day to prepare Mr. P's care package - care packages are expensive, whew. But anything for my Marine ;o) Got home pretty late after the dinner and Ari was a bit overstimulated from all the noise so it was a patchy-sleep night.
• Saturday: Went to the beach! One thing I loove love love about Eastern NC! Walked a bit with Cait, Andrea and Gigi. Then we went to get tattoos. They were too busy so we decided to go back later. Had Battalion Ladies Night at Shogun, the Hibachi place in JVegas. Yummmy. Went back and got our tattoos, definitely my new fave tattoo, it's on my hip/thigh area...
• 

• Sunday: Total veg-out day. Started packing Mr. P's packages. Tried several times to nap but every time I laid down Ari woke up. What a turd :-P Now she is napping, ok scratch that, was napping. Now she is ready for some attentions.
  

I'm Still Alive (I'm Just Single Mommying, 93)

93 days into this deployment, can you believe it? I wish it would just get over. I way miss Mr. P. Like.. it hurts. I want him here.

Anyway, this is just quick post to let you know I'm alive and have successfully survived through THREE whole days of single mommying. I'm doing pretty damn good too. It's really not as bad or scary as I thought it would be, I'm actually quite enjoying it. Although my time for blogging has greatly diminished... If only I could master the bedtime routine to create more time for me.

Speaking of bedtime routine SOMEONE is looking at me. Because she doesn't feel like sleeping this evening.Yikes. Here's to hoping she tuckers out soon.

Sorry for my lack of commenting, hopefully I'll figure mommying out a lil more to a point where I can spend a lil time on the computer! Lots of bloggy love to all of you, though.