Discussions

Yesterday was pretty emotional. I had talked to some people in the morning and I realized that I needed to sit down and have a discussion with my husband. I talk to him all the time, but I think I let him know too often how angry I still am at the situation. So I sat and I talked with him. I really opened up my heart and reminded him how much I do love him and that no matter what, that will never, ever change. I laid on the floor and just talked and talked, and it felt so good to be openly communicating the way we once did. I then needed some music so I put on the playlist I had made for him and recorded on to a tape to send him to Afghanistan. I found that I needed more of him, I wanted to hear him too, so I did it... I listened to the tape. It was difficult, I cried through much of it. He talked about being so excited to come home and hold us and hearing those things after the fact is so hard. I had somehow forgotten how funny he was and found myself laughing through my tears. It was great hearing his voice, as emotional and difficult as it was, I enjoyed it. I am so thankful my mom had that idea to send tapes and we have this (albeit, old) piece of technology to keep him, and his voice, alive.

After spending the day talking with husband and holding our daughter, I decided that it'd be nice to have a little Cinco de Mayo action. A good friend of mine watched Ari and a group of friends and I went to Chili's (we tried one of the more authentic Mexican places in town but they were all so packed) and had Mexican food and margaritas. One of Jonny's very good friends has come home from deployment early after getting in an accident. The vehicle he was in was hit by an IED and he, like Jonny, was in the turret. Luckily enough for him, he came home, wearing a back brace, but he's home. It was very good seeing him, but it was also difficult. Some of my friends and him got into discussions about "over there" and I found myself blocking much of it out - too much when I'm trying to relax and unwind. This friend did say, though, that he would love to sit and talk with me about some things over there, which I am looking forward to, some details I don't yet understand he is willing to share with me. I know it will be hard but it is just things I've been aching to know. As well as stories from over there, I'm sure there will be lots of funny ones as well - Jonny was such a goofball.

Today I am just chillin' out for the most part. I need to clean and pack up to get ready for my MD visit, which I am getting excited about, finally. I was a little confusing in my post about this at first, I am not moving back (yet - who knows as far as that goes) I am just visiting for a week. Then back here to JVegas for the 5k (ONLY A FEW DAYS LEFT, check it out, leave a small donation - it all adds up for our warriors!!) then a visit to FL for the fundraiser I mentioned in my last post (that I still can't get the flier to work, gr), in case you wanted to know my life agenda... ha.

Also, I wanted to share something with you, oh great blog friends. Many of you may have seen the "Welcoming Home" videos on YouTube (google Jonathan Porto, it's a 3 part video of his escort from MacDill AFB to St. Pete presented by the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Department). First, here is a video a lovely woman made for me and his family. There is also Trust Fund information at the end of it for those who were asking about that,

Cpl. Jonathan D. Porto - "Bringing Him Home" from DiamondFilms on Vimeo.

And lastly, I wanted to share the video from Jonny's funeral. You friends have been so supportive and wonderful (did I mention that already - ha) that I want to include you on this.
Follow this link, the password is porto.

It may be tough, but I wanted to share it with anyone who wanted to see it.