Back in Action

Woo. I did not like that time with no cord. Luckily I found one for super cheap on Amazon and it came right away so, ta da! I am back.

There were a few things I'd had on my mind to blog about, so I'm going to try to touch on them all. Stand by.

Last week (was it last week? Maybe the week before?) A and I journeyed on down to Florida to hang with Jonny's family (my family too, just makes more sense to be specific that it's Jonny's. I hate saying "the in-laws," sounds even more impersonal to me) for his birthday.  On February 26th, Jonathan would have turned 29. I have to say, it was a great visit. I always thoroughly enjoy spending time with his family. I love hearing stories about him, and seeing a different side of him than I really knew. I only ever knew Marine Corps Jonny, so it's fun to hear all about pre-MC Jonny. I really liked celebrating his birthday with his family. We had a little get together and there were so many candles on the cake! Haha. It is also so wonderful to see Ariana with that side of her family. She looks so much like them, at least to me anyway, and I get great delight in that she has so many of her father's features. She enjoyed time with her cousins and aunts and her grammy. I really wish we saw them more often, she had a blast (and I did too). After a few days in St Pete we went up to Orlando with Jonny's sister Emilie. We did Disney one day which was fun. A is still a little young for some things, she gets pretty freaked out by the rides, but we still had a blast. I miss them already and am already thinking of when we'll be able to go down for another visit.

As far as other day-to-day events, most things are pretty much the same. A few changes here and there, and a lot of projects that I'm beginning on. So many things are too early in the planning stages for me to really talk about them, though. With as many things as I've started and stopped in the last 3 years, I've learned to not make a big deal out of anything until I actually commit. That being said, the changes/projects go from everything to home improvements and farm fixes to school to creative projects in the works. You're going to want to stay tuned, because when I unveil it's going to be pretty intense. (Might not be for a while, but it will be intense!)

One project I am working on that I feel comfortable speaking about is the project of myself. Yeah, you read that right. I am an ongoing project. I am getting more dedicated to making myself a better person. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Body, Mind, Soul. I want to be a more balanced person and I want to know myself better.
I've been eating much better. I've gone almost all natural. I read the book It Starts With Food and attempted (and failed) a Whole30 challenge. I didn't let that get me down, though, and each day I try again. Do I cheat? Yup. I had like 6 mini snickers bars today! But I just keep trying and knowing that each minor improvement helps. I had actually started a health/fitness type blog - total secret - but once I went on vacation and blew my eating change I kind of quit updating. I should get back to it. Or just incorporate it here, since I'm bad enough at being consistent here anyway. I workout almost regularly - as in 4 out of 7 days last week. That's huge for me. While I consider myself a relatively active person and I enjoy doing things and moving, I'm not big on actual exercise. You know how people say they are spiritual but don't like organized religion? Yeah, I'm active but I don't like organized exercise. I'm working on that though. In fact, I just finished an at home Crossfit workout before starting this post! I want to be a healthier person. And I want to look better. For once, I want to look better for myself, though, not for anyone else - I'm getting to that part though. These changes effect A, too. She eats better and cleaner because it's what we have in the house. Sometimes we do workouts together - she loves Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. She wasn't too fond of the Brazilian Dance on demand we did last night though. I want her to know how to make good food choices and be an active person and I know the best way to teach her that is to lead through example.
I'm working on my mind by looking for things to be happy and thankful about. I'm learning to accept me. I'm working on being okay being "alone." Sure, I still browse the online dating sites, but I've pretty much given up dating because I need to learn to love me first before I can expect anyone else to (this is where the looking better for me bit comes in). It's time I've learned that and taken an active role in making it happen. I am taking time to appreciate the little things and I'm doing my damndest to not worry and stress. That ones tricky, though, as I'm still dealing with a lot of anxiety issues. I've stopped taking my daily anxiety medication (did I post about that already?) and while it really, really sucked at first, I'm doing okay. It was pretty intense being able to feel again. But I am certain that's what I needed. It's time I face reality and feel. It hurts and it is so hard, especially this time of year when I feel like I'm re-feeling things from 3 years ago, but I feel in my heart it's what I need to continue on my journey of healing.
As far as spiritual, I'm still kind of searching. I try to set aside time each day for some quiet prayer/meditation. This one is still tricky for me and while I know what I believe I'm trying to be more active in my beliefs.

One of the ways I've found that is helpful in all of this, and something I really wanted to share with you guys because I think a lot of people might benefit from this little idea I had, is a daily reflection sheet. I typed it up on my mom's computer when I was cord-less. First, I wrote a little note to myself. What I wanted the reflection sheet's purpose to be and how I wanted my answers to be honest because it is to help me get to know myself. Then I listed questions. Did you eat cheat foods today? Y/N with a line of explanation "I ate 6 snickers" or "I resisted a delicious cupcake" Did you exercise? Did you spend good quality time with A? Did you move other than exercise? Did you take time to laugh? Did you take quiet time to pray/meditate/think? Did you take time to reach out to someone? Lots of yes/nos with space for explanation. Then I ask myself something that I found stunning about myself today. Yup, I used the word stunning. Then something I wasn't so happy with. Something I was thankful for. Something I am proud of. Something I want to improve upon tomorrow. A few open ended questions like that. Then I have some ratings. Mood rating. Anxiety rating. How many cigarettes (another bad habit I'm looking to conquer). I ask what the weather was like (call me crazy but I've begun to think it has a huge impact on my mood). Anything out of the ordinary happen that day. And on Wednesdays I log my weigh in/measurements. I'm a weird one in that I actually enjoy filling in forms. So it's nice each night to just take a moment and reflect on the day. Look back and evaluate. It's also a way to hold myself accountable. It kind of says "These are the things I want you to be doing, did you do them?" And then I have to answer to myself. Yes I did! Or no, I kind of screwed up. Then I can remember the next day, "Ok, Rach - those snickers kicked your butt yesterday, stay away today!" I also signed it with another little note from myself reminding me that I am loved but I need to love me. It was just a little idea that came in my head and so far I'm very happy with it. Down the road I can change it to reflect more or different things that I'm working on. I highly recommend it.

So that is life in a nutshell. Lots of little projects that are hopefully leading to greatness.
And how was your week?


  1. Wow Mrs. P, you are truly inspiring! I think what you are doing is great for you and A but also to those who need that inspiration to get up and start moving around. Keep up the great work and I can't wait to hear about those intense projects you have coming up! :)

  2. A daily reflection sheet! What a great idea!!

  3. I'm in love with this reflection sheet idea! I have been doing a one line a day thing- but working to just be honest, and come to terms with sometimes not doing great things, and sometimes knocking it out of the park. Coming to peace with, and hopefully be proud of exactly who I am. It's tough. Sounds like you have some great things in the works!!


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