Roller Coaster Favorite Ride

I wonder sometimes, if roller coasters were built by some philosophical artist. And instead of being just purely for enjoyment, they were truly created to imitate life, and thus give us something to compare life's ups and downs to. I mean think about it, it's perfect. Roller coasters go up and down and make your stomach drop and sometimes make you pee a little. Sometimes, there are sharp unexpected turns. Sometimes they're awesome, sometimes they're scary, sometimes they're disappointing. If we didn't have roller coasters, to what would we compare this whirlwind crazy terrible beautiful thing we call life?

So, yeah, life's a roller coaster. There is, obviously, some rough and stressful schtuff going on. I updated you all on the most difficult of current events last week. Of course, there are every day life stressors occurring, decisions that have to be made, bills that have to be paid... all that. But in the midst, there are some good things, too. So I try to focus on the positive when I get overwhelmed with all the thinking and the have-to-doing.

Number one and something that I am super proud of is I have quit smoking. One week and two days ago, I decided I'd had enough. I started thinking about it and figured I would cut down and do things the "normal" way. Monday I had two cigarettes and was so proud. Tuesday I hung out with a friend and had somewhere around 6 or so cigarettes. Finished the last one of the pack I had around 630 or 7 o'clock that evening and haven't had another sense. I even went to Preakness and indulged in some libations and still didn't smoke. That is thanks to some kick ass friends who, when I just wanted "only one drag" the answer was a resounding no each and every time (thanks guys!). In addition to the quitting smoking I've been seriously hitting the gym and eating healthy. One of my "excuses" for not quitting was a fear of gaining weight. But, if I'm going to be working on losing weight anyway, why do all this work then quit and gain the weight back? Instead, do it at the same time and maybe keep from gaining in the first place. Healthier all around!

Preakness with my friends was so super fun. It was just a girl's day and I was really excited to see my friend Raechel who I haven't seen in months. She is going through some rough times right now as well so it was a much deserved break from real life, if only for a few hours. Funny thing is, we didn't even see the race or the headliner, Pitbull - the two things that were supposed to be the biggest things at Preakness! We did it our way and let me tell you, I had a friggin blast. It was nice to not really think or worry for a while and just laugh and be ridiculous and have fun.

This weekend is Memorial Day weekend. Should be a sad event, but I'm actually pretty excited. I'll be going down to DC for the TAPS National Seminar. It's a weekend full of remembering, honoring, and some fun! I really enjoy my time with fellow widstas and surviving families. Much of the time in every day life, I feel a little odd. I love my friends and my family, so so much, but there's just that general feeling of being different. I guess I just often feel like something is missing (because, duh, it is) which makes me feel a little different from all the other unwidowed folks (is this even making sense?) so it's always nice to be with other people like me. It's nice to be in a place where sadness isn't uncomfortable because we're all walking with it. A place where we're all kind of in-between - we're not "married" we're not "single." We're widowed and that's a combination of both (even for the remarried folks, they get it, too). We're all feeling that "something missing" feeling every day. And a place where we are "celebrating" memorial day for what it really is. It is a day of remembering. It is a day of honoring. It is not "the beginning of summer" (that's actually June 21 if you really wanted to know), it is not a conveniently placed three day weekend, it is not a fab time for weddings because "every one can make it," it is not just a great day for bbqs, it is not veteran's day. And ya know what? I'm cool with the bbq-ing and the celebrating as long as the real meaning of the day is not forgotten (heack I usually have my own Memorial Day bbq!) and I feel most of those attending TAPS feel the same. But I digress, it is not as personal for the majority of Americans as it is for us, and I am getting ahead of myself it is not even Memorial Day yet. Let me get off my soap box. So we'll leave it at this - I'm pretty excited about some TAPS time and getting to see my friends who live all over the country and being able to talk about our loved ones. And about riding the train. It's been a while.

I'm writing a book. I guess. And holy crap I can not believe I'm finally admitting that out loud to everyone! So, I'm working on it, and while I have my own internal deadline for a rough draft, it'll probably take me 20 years. But whatever, I'm trying, mmk?! It is fiction and I think it's a pretty great story, if only I can get it down on the page(s). But that is one more thing I have to look forward to. Sure, it may never be a best seller, may never even see the light of day, but when I'm done I'll be able to say I did it - I wrote a book. So now the truth is out and you all don't have to be so mad at me for my lack of blogging :)

And there ya have it, a few things that I try to focus my thoughts on to push away negativity, a few accomplishments, goals, and general fun things. How about you? What are the happy/exciting/noteworthy things going on in your lives? I miss you guys, talk to me!!

Semper Fi,
Mrs. P

Oh and please don't forget to check out the fundraising site for my uncle, share it with your friends/readers, and if you have anything to spare, please consider making a donation. Every dollar counts :)