2 weeks.

It's funny the things you find yourself counting the days of. How long I'd been pregnant. How long he'd been deployed. How long he's been gone. It's crazy that it changes from how long until he gets back to how long since I'd last heard his voice.

To say I'm sad would be an understatement. Jonny was the ultimate when it came to love. I have never loved a man the way I love him. And no one has ever loved me the way he did. It was intense, it was passionate, it was unconditional. I think back on our lives together and it really was intense. It still is. Now I have this intense sadness, anger, and longing to hear from him. I have a constant drop-feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wake up each morning hoping to have woken up from this disastrous nightmare to be disappointed that things are just the way they were the day before. I wonder constantly what I am to do next, how I'm supposed to go on without him. I yell at him, for breaking his promises and for leaving us behind. I remind him how much I love him. I remind him how much I am proud of him. I hope he hears me. I'm constantly afraid that reality hasn't hit me yet. It's like there's a piece of my brain that still wants to believe he's just on deployment and I have to keep telling myself he's gone. I'm afraid if I don't remind myself of that then I'll start waiting again. Although, that's all I'm doing anyway... waiting... Waiting until we are together again. A life of waiting.

2 weeks since you've been gone and a lifetime until I will see you again.

124 comments

  1. My heart breaks for you. I wish I had words to comfort you, instead, I pray for you!

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  2. "Hurry up and wait." Practically the Marine Corps' motto, huh? One day you will be with him again and it will have been worth everything you're going through now. You're always in my thoughts, Rach. <3 ya!

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  3. My heart aches for you.
    I've wanted to comment, but just feel as though my words, my thoughts, my feelings will not be of comfort.
    I am praying for you. And your babygirl.
    I cannot imagine the pain you are going through.
    Stay strong. And hold onto that babygirl.
    xoxo.

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  4. Rachel, you are so amazingly strong. I can't imagine what you're going through, but know that you have so many friends who care about you.

    Thinking of you.

    Lisa

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  5. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. This post brought me to tears :( I'll be praying for you.

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  6. He can hear you, girl. I don't think anyone ever wants to leave anyone behind like that. But you can be sure that he is proud of the strength you have displayed through this tragedy.

    As always...we're praying for you and here if you need anything.

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  7. I'm glad you updated. Although I'm sure there's nothing anyone can say to comfort you at this time, I hope you can find comfort in knowing that God will let you have a lifetime of eternity together after this short one on earth.

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  8. Rachel, there are still no words to say to you to make you feel better. I do want you to know, however, that you, Ariana and Jonny are constantly in my prayers. I think about you all the time and I get a pit in my stomach. I cannot imagine how you feel and I think you are showing such strength and grace in such an awful situation. You guys are in my prayers, constantly; please let me know if I can do anything for you.

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  9. Rachel,

    I just can't imagine. I try to... but I can't. May you find peace one day, I know not soon, but someday. I hope 5 years from you look back at this time as the hardest time of your life but you'll have somehow learned to live again and to smile again. I know right here in this moment you have to live second by second.

    Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
    John 14:27

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  10. Hang in there sweetie! You are amazing and you have a sweet baby girl that will always be a great reminder of your husband!

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  11. Oh my.....there are no words for me to type. I am so sorry this had to happen to you and your daughter.....you will be together again one day and his memory will live forever.....

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  12. I know that words really can not help at such a time as this, but I want you to know that you and your sweet baby girl are being held up in prayer.
    Thinking of you,

    Jody

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  13. Oh, honey. My heart is breaking for you. He's still with you. There's no doubt in my mind that he's wrapping his arms around you and holding you close. Im praying that you find peace and comfort, though right now that probably seems impossible.

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  14. I'm so sorry for your loss. As others have I said, I am speechless and have no words that will comfort you. Only time will heal that aching heart. May God be watching over you and your daughter. God bless.

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  15. Rachel,

    I'm crying and my heart is aching for you so badly. I know nothing I can say will be of any comfort, but I wish I were there to do something or just to be there and be a friend that listens.

    You are an amazing woman. Ariana is so blessed to have a mother as strong and loving as you.

    Praying for you,
    Shayla

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  16. Rachel,

    I'm crying and my heart is aching for you so badly. I know nothing I can say will be of any comfort, but I wish I were there to do something or just to be there and be a friend that listens.

    You are an amazing woman. Ariana is so blessed to have a mother as strong and loving as you.

    Praying for you,
    Shayla

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  17. I am in absolute awe at how amazingly strong you have been not only for yourself, but also for Ariana during this incredibly difficult time. There hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't thought of you, read your blog (time and time again), or read articles/watched videos of your husband. Ariana is so incredibly lucky and blessed to have you as a mother ♥

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  18. Oh honey... I wish there was something any of us could say that would actually comfort you. I'm so sorry for your loss. So sorry for your heartache. You are constantly in my thoughts and in my prayers.

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  19. You and Ariana are still- always- in our prayers. My heart breaks for you, and I pray that eventually you will find some peace.

    With much love,
    Amber

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  20. As I'm sure you are being told by a hundred plus people. He is with you and your daughter, he is there now caring for you in ways unexplained. There is no comfort in that, but that true love and family are both forever. I am so sorry for your loss, my heart is with you as are my prayers. Much love we are all here for you.

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  21. I'm amazed that you can even post. You poor sweet girl. My heart aches for you. ((HUGS)) I will pray for your comfort and strength.

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  22. I hope you can feel the love and prayers that are coming to you and your sweet baby, Heart Aches for you

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  23. I have helped, and still do help a very close friend that lost (I hate that word.."LOST"...as if he is to be found?)...her husband this past summer. There are no words that anyone can express to you, that is good enough. You just simple want and crave your husband back. All your emotions and feelings you are going through are completely normal.

    My heart hurts for you and your daughter. Know that a fellow marine wife is thinking and praying for you.

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  24. Hello Mrs P,

    I have been reading your blog only since this happened as you were linked from another blog I read. It is, as you say, more than sad, it feels desperate and tragic and so wrong, even from my perspective. Although I have read about all those who have been lost to the situation in afghanistan, I think reading your post is a really profound education to the world about how exactly it can be to those on the receiving end of such horrifying news. I hope you can take some solace in the fact that, as you write, you deeply move readers as to the reality of the cost of active service. You are doing something so remarkable for the world by doing your writing.
    You must have such difficulty with this in so many ways, the suddenness, the fact that he was a healthy, not ailing man, that he was away, so even now it's like he's still away. When someone dies suddenly or otherwise it can seem like they've just gone on holiday. I have experienced a sudden loss (my best friend) and I still have the feeling that I still think she will reappear.
    Everyone's emotional experiences are different for a loss so great. Right now I expect you are desperate for him to make his presence felt when you are so heartbroken and full of disbelief and rage at your loss. I believe our souls do go on alongside our loved ones after death and I hope this will be present in your life over these such hard weeks and months. The grief will become, little by little, more bearable for you. Whatever you are feeling, however absurd or unreasonable it feels, it is all natural. Thinking of you x Be gentle with yourself and your little one

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  25. The brotherhood stands behind you. Which is nothing, but it is everything. Know that you are loved by his fellow Marines.

    Semper Fi.

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  26. He will live forever in your heart. I pray for healing for you, and peace for your dear Hero.

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  27. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better... you don't even know me, but as a fellow Military wife my heart aches for you & your daughter everyday. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, but I'm also in awe of your strength. I will continue to pray for you & your daughter. <3

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  28. I can't even begin to imagine how much strength it takes to wake up every morning and make it through everyday. I know so much of that probably comes from your daughter. And for what it's worth, I am so glad that you are still blogging. If for nothing else, I hope it will help you to process this tragedy and find support from all of us out in blog land. My thoughts and prayers are still with you.

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  29. I think we've all pretty much said it already, but there are no words we can offer as most of us have never encountered something like you're going through. I just hope that in this time, you're clinging to God and all the hope and love He offers us. You may feel alone, but you're not. This I can promise you. God is right there with you every step of the way.

    Here are two of my most favorite Bible verses. They always give me comfort. I hope they do the same for you.

    "...God has said, 'Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you'."Hebrews 13:5

    The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
    The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
    A righteous man may have many troubles,
    but the LORD delivers him from them all;
    -Psalm 34:17-19

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  30. No words can express the pain you are going through. Lots of hugs and strength.

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  31. Your post has left me in tears. I hope eventually you find something, anything, to help you through this horrible, unfair time in your life. You and your daughter are so lucky to be loved by Jonny and his love will never leave you. Cherish your daughter and keep strong in your darkest days- for her.

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  32. i know right now it is literally minute to minute. i know it is hard. hang in there.

    it WILL get better. you WILL be able to smile again.

    tons of prayers are going up for the three of you. and do not be ashamed to ask for help if you need it. you will. and from the comments..you have tons of help.




    it has been 8yrs, 7mths, 11 days since i have heard a voice that i still miss.

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  33. God will never give you anything you can't overcome. I am praying his comfort and peace in your life that has been knocked upside down. He is the only one who can comfort you and give you the strength you need. Please know that I am praying for you and your sweet, sweet baby girl and I am thinking of you often.

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  34. This is so sad, I will continue to Pray for you and your daughter!

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  35. I'm speechless. I don't even know you and your story touched my heart. I pray for you to have the strength to get by each day, and your little girl too. <3

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  36. I am so sorry. You are so strong, for you and your baby. I hope one day you can move forward and look back and know how much he blessed your lives and so many more! HE is with you everywhere you go! HE is watching over you and your daughter! I am praying for you.

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  37. not that it at all compares to losing your spouse but i lost my sister who was a year younger than me to a car accident, i used to tell people it was like being in front of the goldfish tank at Walmart and someone reaches in with a net and snatches a fish out, i feel like someone has snatched her away from me, though it seems impossible with time you learn to cope, as a fellow devildog wife ( 1 month) know that you will forever have a net of people who care about you and will help in anyway possible. my prayers stay with you, semper fi

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  38. He absolutely can hear you! He is with you always and constantly looking down smiling at you and Ariana. I know he is so proud of your strength. Praying for you always.

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  39. I cannot begin to imagine what you're forced to deal with everyday. It takes untold strength just to get through a day in your shoes and you've gotten through 14. You're an amazing woman, mother and wife. You will ALWAYS be his wife.

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  41. I'm sorry for all the pain you are going through. Lifting you and Ariana up in prayer.

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  42. Rachel,

    I am a new follower of yours..
    There are no words that I could ever possibly say to express to help you during this time.. I recently went back and read nearly all of your posts and I feel that I know you and your daughter.. My heart aches for you. Just know that I am praying for you and Ariana.

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  43. Rachel, my heart is still broken for you. Ariana is such a lucky baby girl to have a mother as strong as you. I saw you and your family on the news on Wednesday and cried along with you. Remember that God is taking good care of Johnny and all of the other fallen Marines. Semper Fi.

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  44. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter. I cannot even imagine what you are going through.

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  45. My heart and stomach ache for you and your little girl. Thoughts of the entire military, especially spouse community are behind you. Should you ever need anything we're all here for you. keep putting one foot in front of the other, make your Marine proud of the strong woman you are.

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  46. I have been praying for you morning and night - I am so sorry is all I know to say! I will continue to pray!

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  47. My heart is breaking for you...please know that you are being lifted in prayer daily. Know that God will not for a moment let go of you. I pray that HIS love will enfold you, your daughter, and your family every minute of every day with HIS everlasting and strong arms.

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  48. I wish I had the words to write to you, but I do not. Just want you to know I am thinking of you...ALL the time! xoxoxo

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  49. Praying for you and sweet Ariana everyday, Rachel! We are all amazed at your strength and courage. God bless you.
    ~Bethany

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  50. I can't even pretend to know what you are going through. During deployments you think you may glimpse what it feels like to lose your Marine but there is no way possible to ever walk in those shoes until the fated day you hope never comes. I know words will never be enough to comfort you, maybe a small amount at times..and we will always be here if you need us, we military spouses, us rare birds. I wish you peace, for you and your child. When things are hard as the days ahead surely will be, ask yourself, "what would Jonny want me to do?" and when you hear his answer in your heart...follow it. If you ever need a thing let me know.
    A fellow Marine wife..Heidi

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  51. When my little sister from my 2nd family died, I went through these same emotions. It's been almost 2 and a half years and sometimes I feel like I have yet to wake up from a terrible dream. I used to question God and ask why something like this could happen to one of the most amazing people I have ever met. It took me awhile to accept that God didn't do it in spite, but rather it was a blessing that she was chosen to go to heaven. It took her 15 short years to fulfill God's will and your husband must have been an equally exceptional person. I'm praying for you.

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  52. Someone gave this to me after the passing of my grandma. I hope it brings a bit of comfort to you.
    "Togetherness"
    Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room.
    Whatever we were to each other, we still are. Call me by my old familiar name. Speak to me in the same way you always have. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
    Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it always was. There is absolute unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of your sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somehwere very near just around the corner.
    All is well, nothing is past. Nothing has been lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before---only better, infinitely happier. We will be one, together forever.

    God bless you Mrs P and baby P. Know your Marine is looking down and smiling on you. He will always be your angel.
    Semper fi

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  53. Mrs. P,

    There are no words that I could possibly say to make this event less painful. I have been praying for you everyday and I know that your husband hears every word you say to him. You may not be physically together, but you will always be linked through the love you shared and the hearts that still beat as one. Keep your strength going honey, I know it's hard. I will tell my little niece to look out for him as he guards the gates of heaven. My heart goes out to you and your daughter and you have the best guardian angel you could possibly have.

    Fellow Marine wife, Carmen

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  54. You are such an amazing, strong woman. I am keeping you and Ariana, and Mr P in my prayers. I cannot imagine what you're going through, as a Marine wife-to-be it is one of the biggest fears we possess. I wish you comfort and peace and that knowledge that you and your daughter have the best possible guardian angel.

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  55. I am so sorry that this has happened to you this is so tragic and I feel so guilty for posting how hard it was and how much I miss my husband because he's in basic when you have lost the love of your life. I am truely sorry for your loss and I wish their was something I could do to take your sadness and heartbreak away but God has plans for everyone and nooone knows what they are. your husband was a hero and a hero he will always remain. I have so much respect for you and please if you ever need me don't hesitate to E-Mail or Facebook me. I will continue to pray for you and your daughter.

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  56. This military wife and mommy is praying for you, and crying for you. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss Mrs. P. I pray that your little girl continues to be a blessing for you.

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  57. My eyes are filled with tears...what a brave woman you are & what a woman worth looking up to for Ariana. All my prayers, love & hugs are continually coming your way! I know that God & your husband are so proud of everything you are & everything you're doing. I've never even met you & I'm proud of you! And I really meant that from the bottom of my heart!

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  58. Once again, your blog hits so close to home... because it could be any one of us. My fiancé has only been in Afghanistan three weeks, and every day is a waiting game of when he will call or when I will hear from him again. Just so you know... everyday, I also think of you, Ariana, and Jonny. Sending lots of love your way... xo, Dani.

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  59. Talk to him all the time, honey... he can hear you.

    I'm constantly amazed by your strength. And to be candid, I'm really glad you're blogging. I hope it helps you to process things, and to receive support and encouragement from the community. In a way, you're helping us all process it too. Your tragedy has struck particularly hard in the mil spouse blogging community... and you're showing us your strength and determination to get through even the toughest moments. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we admire you. Sending love and hugs your way.

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  60. There truly are no words to say to tell you how bad I feel for you. I didn't follow your blog until two weeks ago but I have thought of you often. I've thought about what I would have done, if I were in your shoes. And I honestly don't know if I would have been able to be as strong as you. Keep your head held high and remember that you have a lot of people thinking about and praying for you and your little girl.

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  61. I don't know you, but this post really shows how strong and amazing of a person you are.

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  62. When I go to bed at night and rest my head on my pillow, I think of you...I wonder what kind of day you must have had...how many times you wished for your Jonny...how difficult this must be for you. All I can say is surround yourself with your loved ones. Right now they will help you to stay strong...and that's what you need to do right now. That's what your Jonny would want you to do...that's what Ariana needs you to do. Take this one day at a time...

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  63. Stay strong, you are doing so much better than most of us would. I'm sure he hears you, I'm sure he is with you. Keeping you in my thoughts...

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  64. You continue to amaze me with the words you write, and I continue to pray for you and Ari and for J.
    I know at times like this that there is little we can say, and little we can do to help, and even less that will make things better. Know you have been on my mind daily and that if you ever need anything I'm here.

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  65. I still don't know how to put anything into words for you but I want you to know that we are all here, praying and thinking of you and amazed by your strength. Your husband is with you and watching over you and your baby is going to be your constant reminder of your love. Keep getting through day by day

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  66. I'm praying for you and yours constantly. Praying for strength and comfort.

    A fellow military wife

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  67. Hey hon, I googled your husband because I wanted to know more. I am extremely humbled and saddened by your loss. I found so many articles about your husband; his sacrifice has been recognized and honored in many different news outlets. Here is a great quote I found attached to an article about your husband:
    "He which hath no stomach to this fight let him depart. But we in it shall be remembered. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers!! For he today, that sheds his blood with me, shall always be my brother”. Rest in peace my Brothers, you have not been forgotten. (W.Shakespeare)"

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  68. We are continuing to pray for you and Ari!! I hope that you feel all the love and prayers coming to you from across the country!!

    God Bless, Heather

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  69. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. You seem like such a strong woman and I pray that you and your daughter will get through this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. <3

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  70. Oh, dear. I'm praying for you.

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  71. You and your daughter are in my thoughts. I am so amazed by your strength.

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  72. U r such a strong person to be able to still write and express yourself at this time.

    Again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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  73. I only know you from your blog, but I have thought of you every single day since you posted of your husband's death. I am absolutely heart-broken for you and have cried and prayed for you each day. You are so amazing and strong and your daughter will know true love through the love of her parents.

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  74. My heart hurts so much for you, because I remember those feelings. I didn't lose a husband so I can't say I know what your going through, but my daddy was taken so fast from me, without any warning. I remember the counting, the counting of days, of Fridays, of Sundays. You will count for a long time, and that's ok.

    Its OK to feel however you want. I think the best advice I got from my counselor was that it's OK to feel like your going crazy, because that means your not. It's ok to feel however you want, there is no right way to get through this, just your way.

    Talk to him, he is right there. Every step of the way. 1 year and 5 months later for me there isn't a day I don't talk to my dad. There isn't a day I still don't cry.

    You are still in my prayers and thoughts everyday!

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  75. I know that we don't know each other, but your story has deeply touched my soul. It leaves me here bawling at the thought of everything that you're going through. I don't know how you do it, but I know your Jonny is smiling down on you. Rest assured knowing that he is proud of you and how strong you are for your baby girl.

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  76. My heart and prayers are with you. I just moved to be with my husband during his AIT for the Army and was catching up on the old blog posts that I missed. I have not been able to get you our your family out of my mind today. I pray that the Lord comforts you and your precious daughter during this time, and I hope that you are able to find comfort knowing that people all around the world are praying for you. I can only hope that you are able to overcome this and stay strong for your little girl. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Charity.

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  77. May you and your daughter rise above the pain and misery. I lost my wife, suddenly, thirteen years ago, and I see much of my own pain and deep anguish in your writing. You seem to be a strong woman and I'm sure your daughter helps. I had a daughter of fifteen years during my time and she gave me strength.
    Time does move on, ma'am, although it seems so slow now. I remember thinking that the world should just stop and remember my wife, friend, and lover. If you feel them the same, then please take comfort from all those who have read your words and know that time for us did stop, while we considered your loss. I also think of the loss of your husband, what he gave, and how much more he could have given to all of us, had he finished his time on the ground. He does live on, I still see my wife on the fringes of my vision, while I don't live every moment, thinking of our reunion, I have taken much comfort in the realization that day will come. Good fortune to you and I wish my wife had been a United States Marine, as you are part of them and they of you.

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  78. Everything has already been said a dozen times: how much we love you and admire you and wish we could physically be there with you right now. I know it's hard, but I also believe that those in Heaven can hear us and see us, not just Johnny, but God loves you and wants to comfort you. When you don't feel strong enough, lean on Him, and He will give you strength.

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  79. I am so terribly sorry. My heart breaks for you and I wish I could do something for you and your baby girl. This is something we all fear as wives of service men. I don't know you, but just know that I love you. You are in my heart and in my prayers. I know you will never forget your wonderful husband but I pray that God will grant you with some piece.

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  80. words cant express how sorry i am for your loss.

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  81. You're in my thoughts and prayers Rachel. I hope the days somehow get a little easier.

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  82. He can hear you, no worries about that. I am so sorry that you can't hear him back right now, and wish that I could say more of comfort. But he does hear you sweetie, and one day, or one minute at a time is all you have to make it through right now. God bless you, your baby girl, and your husband who hears every last thing you say, think and pray. *hugs*

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  83. There are no words that I can say that will ever make it better, but couldn't leave your blog without leaving a comment.

    Know that there are many you don't know that are aching for you. http://weloveiowa.blogspot.com/2010/03/military-days.html

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  84. Rachel, I can't read your posts without crying.. my heart aches just thinking about you. I wish I could offer you more than just words, but there's nothing I could say to even begin to change the pain you are going through. To say it will get better, that it will get easier, I know would be a lie. All i can send to you is my prayers and the knowledge that you and Ariana both have a very special angel watching over you throughout your lives.

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  85. I have something that will [hopefully] brighten up your day over at my blog. =) Check it out!

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  86. I'm so sorry for your loss. Words cannot express the sympathies I feel for you. Your strength at a time like this is amazing to me. Just know that your husband is smiling down on you and your daughter from heaven.

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  87. my heart breaks for you and your daughter and the rest of your family.

    I cannot even imagine how you feel and I just can't even comprehend it. I cannot help but cry every time I read one of your updates on here.

    I'm sending you many, many prayers and thoughts. I know all this has been said before from others. I'm so so sorry.

    Love, a fellow Military Wife&Mom.

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  88. We are thinking about you...

    I can't imagine what you are going through but I am glad you are blogging. I hope you can let part of your anger, sadness, unrealness out.

    Keep talking to him... he can hear you. He's watching over you.

    Love,
    Reina

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  89. I'm in tears. I found you through Mateya's blog. I'm so sorry for your loss. You've been in my thoughts constantly.

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  90. I am so terribly sorry for your loss and for everything you're going through... I'm not sure what to say. But I want you to know that I live in South Tampa and even though we never met in person, please don't hesitate to call me anytime you need ANYTHING. My husband is in the Army and he'll be deploying soon. My cell phone is 502 526 24 57 Irena

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  91. D and I have been thinking about you guys since this happened.

    If there is anything you need, anything we can do let me know.

    I wish I could soothe some of the pain for you - but I know I can't. Your strength is amazing, and I cannot even begin to wrap my head around what you are going through right now.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  92. Good morning,

    Please know that you and your family are in our prayers. Not a single day has gone by since I first read about this that I haven't thought about you. I hope you find strength and peace.

    Love,

    Matt and Kelli

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  93. Hey sweetie, tears roll down my face every time I think about you & everything you are facing. It hasn't left my mind, to be honest. You are a million times stronger than I could probably ever be. I know you have a wonderful man in Heaven watching over you & Ari and I'm sure hears your every thought. You are in my prayers chic. God bless you & your family.

    Love Always,
    Julie

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  94. My heart hurts for you and your precious little girl! My prayers are with you and your daughter!

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  95. I know no words can heal this pain, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong, he is with now and every day after. His love remains with you and your child, even if he isn't there physically.

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  96. God Bless you and your baby girl. I'm so sorry this happened to you, I pray for you every night and I find myself getting choked up for you more than once a day. I hope you find some comfort in the thought of him watching over you both and one day you'll be with him again.

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  97. i just happened upon your blog and think it's so pretty and really a wonderful read.

    thanks and all my best! (just became a follower, cuz i would love to hear more from you and yours!)
    -kelley

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  98. My heart is aching for you, I have been reading your blog since OD, and this just breaks me. As others have said, it hits way to close to home. To my Marine Corp sister, my prayers are with you and your very precious little girl. Although your husband has left his presence is still there.. In your arms every day. My prayers too you all.

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  99. The pain will never truly go away ma'am. In time it will fade and sit on the back burner until your child does something that reminds you of your Marine. It is times like this that you need to remember that while you will always carry this pain he is only physically gone. The memories you made with him, the child you share, these are the things that are most important in times like this. Your Marine will always be with you ma'am he just will not be physically present for you to see. He will be that guardian angel watching over you until you meet again. He is with you ma'am now and forever he will always be with you.

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  100. I just read this and I'm sitting here crying now. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through, but you are an amazingly strong woman to go through this. You are in my thoughts!

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  101. I just discovered your blog today. My heart is literally breaking for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have not idea the pain you're experiencing, but know that you're on the hearts of many. And thank you. Thank you for your husband who, unfortunately, paid the ultimate price for our freedom. Freedom don't come free. My the Lord bless you and keep you.

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  102. My heart feels for you. Word can't repair your heart and memories are not enough. Even though I don't personally know either of you...he would want you to keep moving forward for your kids and yourself. You will always have his love and you will see it everyday in your kids. Sending you love and hugs and lots of prayers.

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  103. I just stumbled past your blog, and had to stop and give you my love. You are such a strong woman... I dont even know you, and I wish I could hug you!

    God bless you, and your daughter.
    Brittany

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  104. This must seem like an interminable nightmare. My condolences over your loss, and for that pit in your stomach that just won't go away.

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  105. I continue to keep you and Ariana in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of yourself and know that you have a wealth of support here online.

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  106. Just want to let you know that there are still many people you don't know who pray for you daily. We haven't forgotten you, or your wonderful husband's sacrifice. God Bless!

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  107. Mrs. P,

    You have so many people praying for you!
    I shared your blog with a few of my close friends. The other day, one of them came up and asked me how you were doing and told me she was praying for you daily. Please remember that you are not alone. You have so many friends, family, and fellow bloggers that care. Don't hesitate to lean on us all for support.

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  108. Even though we don't know each other, I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you. I showed my mom your blog yesterday, and now she's praying for you too.

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  109. Even though we don't know each other, I just wanted you to know that you've been in my thoughts and prayers.

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  110. Even though we don't know each other, I just wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

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  111. You are such a strong woman and an inspiration to many. Your husband loves you very much and he's watching out for you and Ariana. He's still with you. Again, I'm sending prayers and much love your way.

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  112. From far away my heart aches for you and your daughter. But just know that my prayers, thoughts, love and hugs are with you. Wherever you're at remember that you're not alone. From far away I give you all the air hugs and kisses that I could send.

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  113. He saw your path was difficult and He closed your weary eyes. He whispered to you "Peace be Thine" and gave you wings to fly. It broke our hearts to lose you but you did not go alone. For part of us went with you on the day God called you home.

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  114. wow. i can't imagine. praying for your fam. Did the Mr. ever get to meet his baby girl? (sorry, I'm new to the blog?)

    you have lots of support and I'm always tweeting about you asking for prayers!

    Julia
    www.workwifemomlife.com

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  115. I have absolutely no idea what you're going through nor am I a military wife but I know the sting of losing a loved one. I know you don't know me and no words I can offer will take away the pain, but you and your little girl are in my prayers. I understand that that doesn't take the pain away but maybe it will help a little?
    Proverbs 3:5-6 always helps me through rough stuff, maybe it can do the same for you. I appreciate everything you've sacrificed being a military wife and everything your husband did for this country. Jesus loves you, Mrs. P.

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  116. praying for you because the words I say will not provide you with peace.

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  117. stay strong, and good luck with the 5K

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  118. My heart breaks for you. Good luck with the 5K. I know you're hurting but you're so strong. I'm praying for you. Good luck with the 5K.

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  119. I read your thoughts and what you are going through and I cry. I think of you often. You are an amazing mama...and you are doing a great job.

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  120. Mrs. P, there is not a day that goes by where I do not think about you and your daughter (along with the rest of your family) Your story has touched me in a big way, and your strength and courage have left a lasting impression on me and my husband. Keep the smiles rolling!

    You also have an award from me :)

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