Bump On a Log

My most sincere apologies. Not only to my readers but to every one in my life. I have been a bump on a log again. I go through these phases where I just can't motivate. I can't motivate to write a single stinking thing (I'm terrified I'm going to get fired from the magazine :( ). Not a blog post, not an article, not even an email. I haven't read or responded to my emails in a while.... because I'm in some sort of mood where I hide from words or something. I don't know, it's weird. Writing is my outlet and I love it but when I get in these moods I just... can't. Block? I wouldn't know because when it's like this I just don't try.

Anyway, enough excuses I just wanted to apologize for my lack of being here. I'm working on getting my shit together. I feel my life is just incredibly disorganized lately and I'm at my last thread with dealing with it before I have a nervous breakdown. I need to just get it together... Ooooh what is going on with me now?! Urgh.

VDay (Could be DDay?) 2011 - Long OverDue

I say it could be DDay because it was HECTIC! By my last post you will know I was signed up for a Valentine's Day MilBloggie Blog Swap and whatdaya know that even fell apart on me. Baaah it was crazy. But I am actually not here to complain (I know, I'm surprised, too). I'm not even here to whine or mope. Quite the contrary, in fact. I'm kind of here to brag. HA! Ok, maybe just to tell about my VDay and reminisce some old ones, but hey, it might come across as braggy.

As you may have read by my post over at The Adventures of Mr. Superman and Mrs. S, Valentine's Day isn't really my favorite hobby and is actually quite anxiety producing in fact. The last few years, however, I've been pretty spoiled. This year including (hang in there, it's a recap and a new story, it may end up a long one, mmk?)

So, my Valentine's certainly became much better when I met my Jonny. Jonny always spoiled me. It didn't have to be a holiday. He was definitely the most thoughtful man I have ever met. Gosh, I was lucky. He'd bring home flowers after work on some days even, that man would do anything to make me smile... Ok before I go on a tangent on how amazing he was and how much I miss him I guess I should get back to where I was... didn't I already say this was going to be a long one?! Geez, get with it Rach (like I said... one of those days).

Valentine's Day 2009 was our first together. Jonathan had been somewhere training prior to the Valentine's weekend (AP Hill, VA if my memory serves, but we all know my memory so don't quote me...) and got done right before Valentine's Day. Apparently, he'd been in cahoots with my madre and had a surprise all lined up for me. As beach bums, he had planned a weekend in Ocean City, Maryland for us. We stayed in a condo and enjoyed the beach during off season. We went out to the water, we got old time photos done, we had a picnic near Assateague Island... it was amazing. He gave me a Tiffany's Necklace as a gift (I feel there were other gifts but... my memory sucks, sadly) and I was super stoked (said necklace recently broke... I don't want to talk about it... 3 days before VDay... I think I posted about this already but I'm saying I don't want to talk about it, I make a lot of sense, don't I?!) It was an amazing weekend full of love. I had such a great time and realized I had really landed an amazing man. We were engaged, happy, and full of love and hope. Oh how I miss those days...

Valentine's Day 2010, Jonathan was in Afghanistan. He had asked me about getting money in his account during a phone call a few days before Valentine's and not thinking I asked what in the world he needed money for in the middle of the desert. He said something along the lines of what's coming up... duh. So on Valentine's Day I received a beautiful bouquet of lavender roses. He would always get me lavender roses, I had them in my wedding bouquet. I love them and they were my "Jonny flower." He would also get me lillies because they are also my fave. (Like I said... spoiled) Anyway, so I got a gorgeous... and I mean GORGEOUS bouquet of lavender roses and a beautiful card that saddens me to think I'm not sure where it is right now and of course my memory won't allow me to remember what it says. But Lord knows it was sweet because that man always made me feel amazing, he had the most beautiful words.

This was my first Valentine's Day without him, obviously. I didn't really want to care. I wanted to avoid it. It's also the 11 month anniversary of his death. I wasn't in a happy mood this morning, in fact for those of you who I am facebook friends with may have noticed I wanted to kick people in the teeth for saying the V-word. I was glad I had school to get my mind off things. I spent the day in school and was in a much better mood after school (have I mentioned I really love school?) I got a text from a friend and fellow widster asking if I could drop off a cookie cake to some of her fiance's friends at the barracks so I figured I'd spread a little VDay cheer. I also got a text from one of the bestie's asking if she could drop something off after school. So she met me in the parking lot with a big bag. She said she woke up out of a dead sleep this morning and felt the need to get me a VDay gift. In the bag she had gotten me a big stuffed bear, a little sock monkey for Ariana, a card and a letter and... a dozen lavender roses. The story behind the roses is interesting. She didn't know they were "Jonny's flower." In fact, she talked to my mom about what she got me and my mom prepared her for a possible meltdown and she got a little worried that she was going to upset me because she had no idea, mom told her it was ok but I might just cry a little (which I did upon seeing them in the bag). Apparently, when she was leaving with purple daisies in her hand (everyone knows I loooove me some purple!) her daughter pointed out the lavender roses that were randomly sitting on a shelf near check out, not in their right spot and she thought they were much better. All this together to me sounds like some sneaky angel may have had a hand in it! (That's what I like to think :D ). Tamara, you are an amazing person and I am so glad to have you as a friend that has become family! I also got a couple bouquets of flowers from friends, some chocolates, and RAMEN (I know, my friends know me SO well) and Riesling (yep, they know me WELL!). I was SPOILED. I need to thank everyone for thinking of me today and making sure I knew I wasn't alone, I don't think you can know how much it means to me. Then I got to spread a little Valentine's cheer by delivering the cookie cake (and finding out one was ordered for us too!) and finished the day off spending time with my pretty girl and watch a movie at my friend's house, where boops fell asleep ON me (rare occasion, I totally eat that up!). The hecticness came with picking up the cookie and picking up some flowers and getting caught in base traffic and all that stuff... doesn't sound hectic but I was constantly on the go right after school... can't complain tho, kept me busy and wasn't too bad (ok the traffic sucked but that's ok!) but it was definitely a happier (and slightly busier) day than I'd anticipated.

I was shown that I am loved today. I felt like a Grammy winner by the end of the day for sure. I know it's not about the gifts and material things but just people going out of their way to make my day a little better, to put a smile on my face, that really meant a lot to me. You guys have made this day a lot less miserable and I feel bad for being so bitter. I hope everyone felt the love today, I hope my widdas felt loved and know they are not alone. I am a very lucky lady. And remember, show love every day!!!

Valentine Blog Swap

So I must first apologize for my tardiness for the Valentine's blog swap - I thought this was scheduled and apparently it didn't save. Fail. So, without further ado I present to you my guest blogger for the day.

I got the lovely Wife on the Roller Coaster as my guest blogger! She is the organizer of this awesome event (that I screwed up... fail - I AM SO SORRY!) We have similar tastes on Valentine's Day so I was really stoked to read this and not get stuck with a lovey gushy post (KIDDING!) Ok, I'll quit babbling and let this milwife extraordinaire do her thing...

Valentine Scrooge

I’m not quite sure why I’m anti-Valentine’s Day. I’ve never had a boyfriend dump me on Valentine’s Day. I’ve never had an embarrassing lingerie incident. I harbor no irrational aversions to pink or red hearts. I just don’t like Valentine’s Day. I admit it, I’m a Valentine Scrooge.

The last time I remember getting excited about Valentine’s Day was in Mrs. Barshatky’s second grade class. I watched all the boys I had crushes on stuff little cards into my homemade mailbox, and I rushed home from school to read them all, tossing aside those from the girls and drooling over those from Todd and Doug and Kevin and Rory. Life is simple when you’re a kid. Romance comes in the form of a heart-shaped candy that says “Be Mine” and a card the size of a Post-It note. And if a gal is really lucky, her name is even written on the card by the suitor himself and not his mother.

But the farther away I got from second grade, the more unimpressed I was by V-day. By the time I hit my mid-20’s, I was completely disillusioned and saw Valentine’s Day as an overblown Hallmark holiday that makes couples feel like they have to live up to some strict set of ├╝ber romantic expectations and makes single people lament their relationship status.

My husband and I usually treat Valentine’s Day like any other day on the calendar. To his credit though, he used to make attempts to woo me every February 14, probably because he thought that’s what he was supposed to do. But after 12 years of failing to turn me into a romantic, he has given up and crossed over to the dark side. I think he’s more of a Valentine Scrooge than I am now.

I have to admit that my Valentine Scrooge tendencies are gradually fading thanks to my children. Just as I’m able to live vicariously through their excitement over Santa and the Easter bunny, I’m reliving my second grade Valentine’s memories through them. The other day, as I helped my 3-year-old daughter choose the prettiest girly cards and my 7-year-old son the most manly cards, I remembered how special that exchange of cheap Valentines in decorated paper bags was to me at their age. I couldn’t help but smile and wish I could switch places with them for the day.

Yes, life is simple when you’re a kid. When I asked my son what Valentine’s Day means to him, he said, “We get cards and people like each other.” How profoundly simple: the day is about people liking each other. Of course! And as I momentarily looked at the holiday through the eyes of a child, I realized I might actually enjoy Valentine’s Day again if I could overlook all the commercialism and think of it as a celebration of love.

After that aha moment, I wondered if maybe this year I would be visited by 3 Cupids in my sleep who would change my Valentine Scrooge-like ways. I wondered if I would wake up this Valentine’s morning overcome with a renewed sense of romanticism and a newfound appreciation for flowers and candy. And as I opened my eyes this morning, I thought…

Um, nope. Still a Valentine Scrooge. Bah humbug.

Cos School

I have a confession. I've been a bad blogger again. Ok, not really a confession because you all know that already from my lack of writing. My most sincere apologies. I have been so busy lately and at night I like to just sit and unwind and rot my brain with tv (instead of clean my house, which is what I should do...) and I have just not written. Fail, I know.

I have just got to say, I love my cosmetology school. I'm going to Miller-Motte College in Jacksonville. I've got a fantastic instructor and a class full of fun people. I look forward to going to school and learning. School refreshes me and I just get so excited to be there. I'm doing really well and just loving it. In the afternoons I've been keeping up with friends and doing some writing for DStripped of course, not giving that up :) I am learning all kinds of new things and every day I get more excited to become a real stylist!!

Ariana is in a day care center that I really like and she seems to really enjoy as well. I like that she is having social interaction with other kids. She's becoming such a big girl and I am just so proud of her. The center is SPEC and I really like the teachers and the set up of the center, definitely reminds me a lot of the DoD centers I worked in and they were top of the line so I am good with it. And it's always exciting to see her after school and how happy she is to see me. That's an awesome feeling.

I have good days and bad days and with VDay approaching I've been a little funky but with school and staying busy I haven't had much time to think of the lover's holiday or my lack of a Valentine and that's the way I like it. I know I've got a Valentine in Heaven and I don't put much thought into the rest, just another day.

In school we've been working on roller sets and with that we learned about teasing. So I will leave you all with this fantastic photo of me being the model for a bee hive. I definitely think the bee hive is a look that needs to come back, after I rocked it today. And yes, before you ask, it's all my real hair, no extensions, no falsies ;)


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