Sad, Stress, Accomplishment

How's everyone's 2012 going? Great, I hope!
Mine has been interesting. I feel like that is just the word for me - interesting. Had I chosen that for 2012, I'd be on a roll.
So far, the mission of peace hasn't been quite successful, but that's ok, I've still got some time.
Moving, well, it's just not peaceful. I do feel accomplished, however, as I've gotten so much done to get my butt up to Maryland and eventually, hopefully, into our new home. Just keep truckin' that's all I can do, and eventually I'll be there!

This past week has been pretty rough. I tried blogging but I just didn't like it, so it's saved somewhere in my drafts, maybe for edit and posting later, maybe just for myself. Part of 1/6 (Jonathan's unit) has come back. It's always great knowing more of his guys are back again. But man, it hurts so damn much. It's hard to keep away those feelings of "This would have been his deployment, too." and of course the ever present "I wonder what homecoming feels like. I bet it's the best feeling in the world." I sometimes sit and think about homecomings. What it must be like to miss and worry about your love for 7 (give or take) long months and then to finally be in their arms again. God, that must be fantastic. Sigh. Only in my dreams. And one day, in Heaven. But until then... keep truckin'.

With that, add Ariana's birthday around the corner. For some reason, Ariana's birthday sends me into another tail spin. Last year, late at night (her bday party was great, don't worry I won't let my grief ruin anything for her), I had a horrible break down after her birthday party. I just missed him so much and it kills me to think how much he's missing. His little girl is growing up without him and it breaks my heart. At least it comforts me to know that she still does have him and he is always with us, I just wish in a more physical way.

Maybe I have started down my road of peace by feeling my grief, letting it encompass me. And when I feel the need, letting the tears and the sobs come. Maybe that's all part of it, is being at peace that yes, I am sad. And no, I don't have to hide it or be the strong one 100% of the time.

But yes, the stress of moving, I do believe, is another factor in my craziness lately. Buying a house + moving is insane. Now I know why people say buying a house is the most stressful thing they've ever done - because it is super stressful! No Lie. At least TMO has been helpful and it looks like the move is all set (read about my experience with TMO Thursday at 12:15 on YouServed) so that is one stress factor off my back, but I don't think I'll be able to really woosah until we are in the house and done with all this packing, moving, cleaning, planning stuff. Oi. Then I want to sit and do nothing the entire month of February (we all know that's not going to happen).

So, yes. I'm sad, I'm stressed, but hey, I'm still here and I'm still truckin'!

How was your week? What have you over come this week? And of course, any tips on stress management are very welcome.


  1. I love to read your posts. Moving is very stressful especially with kids. You are going to have those sad days and I think that you handle everything so well. I know Johnathan would be very proud of you. As I am sure that Z is as well. Keep a beautiful smile on your face, I am sure Johnathan loves looking down to see it.

  2. I love to read your posts. Moving is very stressful especially with kids. You are going to have those sad days and I think that you handle everything so well. I know Johnathan would be very proud of you. As I am sure that Z is as well. Keep a beautiful smile on your face, I am sure Johnathan loves looking down to see it.

  3. We just bought our first house a year ago and it was extremely stressful but at the same time just try to sit back and enjoy the experience. You are buying your own home and you can do whatever you want to it and it will be awesome! Not to mention the actual moving in part to me is so much fun (I'm putting MY dishes in MY cabinets haha). I think the biggest stress reliever during the process though was imagining how I wanted to decorate the house and shopping online for stuff for it :)

  4. I've been following you for quite awhile and today just seemed like the post to comment on. This last week has been super crappy.I started to move myself and then found out a few details that changed it all.

    I hope your move is sucessful.

    Advice: Well, I could use some myself. I guess I keep telling myself to trust in God's timing and is plan and it will all work out. Easier said than done! But try.

  5. Hi-

    You share such a touching and personal story... I commend you for being so open with so many people and strangers (like myself). You are such a strong person; you and your baby girl deserve all the best!

    I'm an Army girlfriend who's soldier is still in training (he's in the Q-course for Special Forces), so I have not been through a deployment yet. However, when he goes into training we deal with weeks without any communication. To answer your question "What have you over come this week?" I want to share how I over come the weeks (including this one) of no communication with my soldier: It's easier said than done, but I try to stay busy. Working, watching movies, working out, etc. BUT it's still difficult to not think about him. He's constantly on my mind, as a result, these weeks are never really that easy to get through, but for now I know he's safe and that keeps me positive.

    I suppose deployments are going to be MUCH different, but until then I am not going to think about it haha! I am trying my best to take one week at a time during his enlistment.

    One last comment, I truly and honestly believe that one has to have a positive mindset to make it through a military relationship. If one constantly doubts her relationship or her ability to stay positive then the relationship will fall apart. I'm not sure if you agree, but I believe that a military relationship is more than just staying faithful... you need to be optimistic, courageous, strong, and motivated. It is so much more than just a long distance relationship.

    This might be considered a tip or might be touching on a sore topic, so I apologize, but have you thought about how/if new relationships may help you through the sadness and stress? Maybe I'm being too forward, I'm sorry again, but I'm curious as to how you feel about it?

    All the best,

    Army Girlfriend

  6. All you can do is keep truckin' (I love that phrase! I've never seen anyone else use it :)) and you seem to be an expert on that. Good luck with the move! I'm glad you had a good experience with TMO. I've heard horror stories, of course, we all have. It's nice to hear a happy one!

  7. Your shared experiences are always so full of grace and honesty. To me there is nothing that can come from that BUT peace. Keep on truckin' girl.

  8. My stress relief is a lot of chocolate. Yum. :) Prayers for you as always.

  9. It has been an accomplished week for me too. Justice was served in one stressful instance and instead of banging my head on the door of future, it acted like it might actually open to something good. So I guess I'll keep on truck'in too!

  10. i wish i could help you with stress management ideas. I could say a bunch of breathing tips but until I practice it myself I will not suggest anything. i am excited for your move. Can I say as a military spouse you inspire me

  11. Hello Darling!
    I love your blog, and love reading your posts!! So excited you are moving back to good ole Mary Land, and we will be sooo close!! Looking forward to getting to know you better!! Thinking of you & your sweet lil girl!


  12. Hello,
    I found your blog off of a fellow adoptive mom who's husband is also military. I have to say reading your story I was crying my eyes out. You are a very strong woman. You didn't give up and you keep going. Thanks for sharing your story.

  13. Keep you head up. You're going to handle it all. Hugs.

  14. Hey, girl. I heard this song today, and it really shook me and made me think of you. I hope you're doing well.

  15. I found having a bath (usually before going to sleep) always quite helpful. I make my own bath additive consisting of
    50 ml almond oil
    150 ml heavy cream
    1 tbsp honey
    a pinch of salt
    15 drops of lavender oil

    I do yoga and autogenous training. Writing about what's troubling me or drawing/painting often works well too.
    Oh, and running! I suck at sports most of the time, but I really find going for a run so relieving.
    I guess it's all about finding the right ways to distract yourself. For me these methods work and sometimes not - after all I think it takes a bit of time to know what's best in times of feeling "bleugh".
    Anyways, I hope I could offer at least a tiny bit of advice.
    Wish you all the best!

  16. Oh hun, My heart aches for you, it does it does. I have suffered alot of loss the last 2 years, alot alot, but not my husband. I hope you are on your way to finding peace while working thru your grief. I still haven't let myself grieve those that I have lost - my husband's been deployed most of the time so I can't let myself get in that place when I have kids to raise =/ It's so hard, but you are amazing, I know it just by reading this one post. I see you haven't posted in a bit, I hope your move is going well. I'll have to bookmark ya and check back in!

  17. I just found your blog. New follower! I think you are incredibly strong and your story gives me some perspective on what I am going through. Hoping you're less stressed. Looking forward to following your journey.

  18. Moving is the devil. I really just want to decorate my new space. Everything else makes me wanna poke my eyeballs out. And buying a house? For some reason that scares the shiz out of me. Stress management for me is a long walk with my iPod. I just walk and think, not about how many calories I'm burning but all the crap that's weighing on me.


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