Once again a big thanks for all the supportive comments, you guys are the best!
Semper Fi,
Hurry Up!
Don't miss out on the Giveaway! It ends tonight at 11:59 EST. I know there are a lot of procrastinators out there (me being one of them, I am SO kicking myself for missing the milblogging conference GRR), so don't miss out and go enter (take time during commercials during Army Wives which premiers TONIGHT if you must), it's a great giveaway, it's going to be a beautiful prize and I will be picking the winner tonight or tomorrow, so all you who did enter start brainstorming what you would choose for your print (No, I still haven't picked... decisions, decisions!) Also, for something light and wonderful, here is a picture of my gorgeous baby girl at her first Easter egg hunt (or Easter egg stare-down, more like it), and I'm there too, always a plus.
Once again a big thanks for all the supportive comments, you guys are the best!
Semper Fi,
Once again a big thanks for all the supportive comments, you guys are the best!
Semper Fi,
Coping
The best (if there were a "best") and ugliest part of going through a tragedy is that you really see people's true colors. Some people can simply amaze you (like all of you bloggy friends and your amazing support, not to mention the majority of my Marine wives and sorority sisters and other friends, I can't believe how wonderful so many people have been to us through this) while others can shock you in not-so-happy ways. Some friends get really distant, some choose to let loose lips fly, and others are just not so nice in other ways. I think most of the negative comes out when people really don't know what to say (who does?), feel pressured to do something (you really don't have to, if you want to, I love it; but if you simply can't, I understand), or are simply grieving in their own ways as well. No matter the reasoning though, friends who don't stay faithful and supportive make the grieving process that much harder. Worrying about what other people are thinking or saying, trying to mend other people's pain, and fix broken friendships, added to being angry/sad/guilty/upset over the loss of my husband is too much at once. So, it's not taking priority anymore. I have spent the last couple days worrying about certain friends, but it's time to say enough is enough. I need to focus on me and my daughter and that's it (hell, I still haven't even cleaned my "tornado house" because I only have so much motivation a day). The mentality now to friends who are less than supportive, can't handle it, or just want to make my life harder is... "They'll come around. And if not, screw 'em." One thing that helped me reach this point, and stop stressing about girl-drama as much, was an article posted on the American Widow Project website, under the "First Year" category, entitled "Things You Should Know... to Survive." I am going to copy and paste it here, mainly for myself, since I have to scour the website every time I want to read it (several times a week) and now I'll know exactly where to go, but also if there's anyone out there coming across this blog in a similar situation and hasn't been to the American Widow Project, it may be of some use to them as well. So heeeere it is (and remember, I didn't write this).
Things You Should Know... to Survive
by American Widow Project
November 20, 2009
~Linda Della Donna @ www.griefcase.net
Semper Fi,
Things You Should Know... to Survive
by American Widow Project
November 20, 2009
Learning to expect the unexpected will help you get through this most painful time in your life. Here are 10 things you need to know if you are to survive.
1. Expect people to say stupid things. “Don’t worry, you’re young, you’ll meet someone new.” No matter your age, this will sting like a hot iron on raw flesh. Your mind is on your husband and preserving His memory. The thought of another man in your life too soon after His death may cause you additional pain.
“I’m sorry for your loss.” If there is a “loss”? This makes you wonder where is found? For the new widow, there is no found.
“He would want you to find a new man.” Hmmm… On this one, this writer takes umbrage. Nobody can tell you what He wanted, except you, nor, should they.
“I understand. I’m divorced.” Not. Divorce is different than death. Though a divorced individual may wish her ex to not be here, it just isn’t the same thing. While divorce can be painful, and having experienced one personally, the death of a soul mate is different, as this writer will attest, there is no connection.
2. Expect to be asked out—by your husband’s best friend.
3. Expect to be asked, “Do you masturbate?” by your best friend.
4. Expect to break down in tears when you least expect it—at the sound of the doorbell, at the sound of the telephone, at the sight of a couple walking hand in hand. All too soon the reality of being without Him sets in and it will take time for you to let go of your past. But you will.
5. Expect to begin each day wondering how you made it though the day before. And end it thinking you just can’t do it any more.
6. Expect to feel weak, strong, suicidal, angry, happy, euphoric, glad, sad, guilty, alone, lonely, trapped, free, tired, bored, overworked, overwhelmed, silly, puzzled, like you don’t belong.
Why not? You have just experienced life at its worst. I’m here to tell you, everything will be okay. Think baby steps. Think, I can and think, I will.
7. Expect all your friends to run away. They’re frightened, too. And they just don’t know how to handle your grief. Seeing you dealing with the death of someone near and dear is just too close for comfort.
8. Expect all your friends to come back. Give them time. The real ones do.
9. Expect to find yourself standing in front of an open refrigerator at 3:00 in the morning studying the expiration date on a bottle of ketchup. Give yourself permission to process your grief any way you need to.
10. Expect to laugh when the dog pees on the living room rug, when the garage door falls off its hinges, when the refrigerator makes a puddle on the kitchen floor, and when the woman next door goes out on a date—with the woman down the street. Your life is forever changed and so is your outlook. In the big picture, these things become miniscule.
11. Expect to wish you were dead.
12. Expect to blame yourself for His death.
13. Expect to ask yourself questions that have no answers. What if? Why me? Why couldn’t I have died first?
14. Expect to make plans to run away.
15. Expect to cancel them, because you realize there is no place to run away to.
16. Expect to kiss a fool.
17. Expect to feel like you cheated. You didn’t.
18. Expect to wish for a giant eraser to erase away all the pain.
19. Expect the pain to never end. It won’t. But in time you will learn how to manage it. I promise.
20. Expect to smile when you feel like crying.
21. Expect to not sleep.
22. Expect to not focus.
23. Expect to not eat. In the beginning you won’t be able to enjoy food. But it is important to drink plenty of fluids. If nothing else, drink water to keep your kidneys flush.
24. Expect to eat too much.
25. Expect to not be in the mood for all the things you once were in the mood for. Imagine. This writer didn’t want to eat chocolate!
26. Expect the sun to come out tomorrow, the daffodils to sprout in spring, every bird on the planet to sing, every oak, elm, and cottonwood to shed its leaves in autumn, the moon to glow, the stars to twinkle, the earth to spin on its axis, and then to wonder why.
27. Expect no one to understand. Though they say, “I understand.” They can’t. They don’t. They never will. Not even another widow. Grief is personal. It’s just like a thumb print, no two alike. Expect to make mistakes.
28. Expect to forgive yourself.
Okay. That’s it. And now I know what you’re thinking – She’s listed more than ten things.
But to make it through your grief, it’s important to realize you are not alone. What you are feeling is normal. Being informed is being prepared. It will help you survive.
Expect the unexpected.
And, like the mighty oak caught in a fierce storm bending in the wind to keep from being uprooted, you will learn to accept your plight. You will learn to remain grounded, and eventually you will be able to turn your upside down world right side up again.~Linda Della Donna @ www.griefcase.net
Semper Fi,
Canvas Art: A Giveaway
Hello all, I hope you all had a wonderful Easter. Ours was ok, of course missed the Mr. intensely today, as not only was it a holiday but also the 3 week marker. We did carry on though, of course, and enjoyed the day as much as possible. Today, though, my dear blog friends. I'd like to first offer an exceptionally huge THANK YOU. Thank you all for your caring words, your thoughts, and your prayers. Thank you to every one who has taken the time to stop by and let me know you're thinking of us and for those who have blogged about us on your own pages. Thank you so very much for this incredible amount of support. I am so blown away by how much support we have gotten from all over the country. That being said, I'd like to take a moment to offer something back to you.
Stephanie from Geezees Canvas Art has come to me with a wonderful opportunity for my readers. She would like to sponsor a giveaway for all you amazing bloggers who have been taking the time to send me notes of love, encouragement, and prayer.
Her art is incredibly beautiful. She is also offering one to me, which means I'm going to have to make more decisions and pick what I want on my canvas (yikes!). The winner will receive one 10x10 piece of canvas art which can feature words, photos, or both, an $89 value. Take a minute to go to her website and get some ideas for what you would want on your art if you were to win.
To enter the giveaway, all you must simply do is leave a comment telling me of a time when you were particularly proud of our military or a time in your life when the military positively effected you. This giveaway is open to all readers, not just milbloggers, but of course it's going to have some sort of military theme ;-) Make sure you leave an email address so I can reach you if you win, no email address will void your entry.
Also, for those of you who really want to win this, an extra 3 entries will be given to anyone who donates to the Run for Warriors event I am participating in (even a dollar donation, every dollar counts!). This applies for those of you who have already donated, you don't have to leave another donation. Obviously, this is not necessary to participate in the giveaway, just for extra entries. If you choose to do this, make sure you leave a seperate comment for each entry and include your name so I who you are on the donation page (it sends me an email of each person who donated, I know who you are!! haha).
Feel free to share about this giveaway on your pages and include all your friends
This giveaway will be closed on Sunday 11 April 2010 at 11:59pm EST, that gives you one whole week to think of your story! I am excited to hear all these stories, good luck to all who enter!
Semper Fi,
Stephanie from Geezees Canvas Art has come to me with a wonderful opportunity for my readers. She would like to sponsor a giveaway for all you amazing bloggers who have been taking the time to send me notes of love, encouragement, and prayer.
Her art is incredibly beautiful. She is also offering one to me, which means I'm going to have to make more decisions and pick what I want on my canvas (yikes!). The winner will receive one 10x10 piece of canvas art which can feature words, photos, or both, an $89 value. Take a minute to go to her website and get some ideas for what you would want on your art if you were to win.
To enter the giveaway, all you must simply do is leave a comment telling me of a time when you were particularly proud of our military or a time in your life when the military positively effected you. This giveaway is open to all readers, not just milbloggers, but of course it's going to have some sort of military theme ;-) Make sure you leave an email address so I can reach you if you win, no email address will void your entry.
Also, for those of you who really want to win this, an extra 3 entries will be given to anyone who donates to the Run for Warriors event I am participating in (even a dollar donation, every dollar counts!). This applies for those of you who have already donated, you don't have to leave another donation. Obviously, this is not necessary to participate in the giveaway, just for extra entries. If you choose to do this, make sure you leave a seperate comment for each entry and include your name so I who you are on the donation page (it sends me an email of each person who donated, I know who you are!! haha).
Feel free to share about this giveaway on your pages and include all your friends
This giveaway will be closed on Sunday 11 April 2010 at 11:59pm EST, that gives you one whole week to think of your story! I am excited to hear all these stories, good luck to all who enter!
Semper Fi,
What To Say
Sometimes, I blog in my head. Seriously... the way my mind works, a lot of the time I'm thinking the way I'd write it out. I've been head-blogging an update for the past few days. That I've been doing alright. I've been carrying on. It isn't easy, not in the slightest, but I do the only thing I can do and I carry on. I've got lows. I've got some very low lows. But I've been lucky enough to have some... decents too. I call them decents because they aren't really highs but I can find time to laugh and be semi-normal.
Sometimes when this happens I feel awful. How can I be normal when I'm mourning? How can I laugh when laughter will never escape those lips I loved so much again? I am told this is all part of grief, that I shouldn't feel guilty, that I need to carry on with my life, and that it is what Jonny would want. That last part, I know is true. He made me promise before deployment "No Moping!" and I am trying so very, very hard to keep my promise. It ain't easy, but dammit, Jonny Porto, I'm trying.
Tonight, however, I'm just pissed. Anger is an emotion that is always at the back of mind. Angry at the situation, at the choices made... it's expected, it's also part of grief, apparently. But tonight my anger is geared a little different than it is normally. I am angry that this continues to happen to other families. I am angry that I keep learning of another husband, daddy, brother, son, or even wife, mommy, sister... has fallen.
I am not here to make a political standpoint. I consider myself a fairly-well-educated woman, however I do not know enough about politics to speak on it, and I feel if you aren't well educated in a certain area you should not try to debate that subject. That being said, please don't flood me with comments about why we need to be there when I say I want our boys (and girls) OUT of there! I do not want to read about another person, young or old, giving their life in this war. I do not want to hear about more families being torn apart. I do not want any more new widows joining this family that none us of choose to be a part of. I do not want to continue to worry about my friend's husbands, my husband's brothers, my own friends who remain in country. I am just so full of anger toward this whole war. And then, I am back to my everyday anger, I am angry that he is not here any more to tell me it'll be ok. The one person who made things right... gone. Why do there have to keep being more? When is enough, enough?
That being said, it's 0239 and I should be in bed. I'm having trouble sleeping after learning of more fallen Marines, so I'm blogging. I'm supposed to be sleeping because I am going to go running in the morning (yeah, not something I typically do). I am running, though, to honor my husband. To honor all Marines who have given their lives or parts of their lives. I am running a 5k (gasp) for Hope for the Warriors. Since I don't know when I'll be blogging next, I'll take this opportunity to post as well about the Run for the Warriors 5K that my friends and I are taking part in on 15 May 2010. Please take a moment to check out my Hope for the Warriors page and if you are feeling generous, add a donation. I figure if all the people who now follow this blog, plus the people who don't follow and just stop by, donate just ONE DOLLAR, I'd have collected quite a chunk of change to contribute to Hope for the Warriors. Take a second to thank a Warrior who has given his or her life, limb, or general well-being for your freedom.
Semper Fi,
Sometimes when this happens I feel awful. How can I be normal when I'm mourning? How can I laugh when laughter will never escape those lips I loved so much again? I am told this is all part of grief, that I shouldn't feel guilty, that I need to carry on with my life, and that it is what Jonny would want. That last part, I know is true. He made me promise before deployment "No Moping!" and I am trying so very, very hard to keep my promise. It ain't easy, but dammit, Jonny Porto, I'm trying.
Tonight, however, I'm just pissed. Anger is an emotion that is always at the back of mind. Angry at the situation, at the choices made... it's expected, it's also part of grief, apparently. But tonight my anger is geared a little different than it is normally. I am angry that this continues to happen to other families. I am angry that I keep learning of another husband, daddy, brother, son, or even wife, mommy, sister... has fallen.
I am not here to make a political standpoint. I consider myself a fairly-well-educated woman, however I do not know enough about politics to speak on it, and I feel if you aren't well educated in a certain area you should not try to debate that subject. That being said, please don't flood me with comments about why we need to be there when I say I want our boys (and girls) OUT of there! I do not want to read about another person, young or old, giving their life in this war. I do not want to hear about more families being torn apart. I do not want any more new widows joining this family that none us of choose to be a part of. I do not want to continue to worry about my friend's husbands, my husband's brothers, my own friends who remain in country. I am just so full of anger toward this whole war. And then, I am back to my everyday anger, I am angry that he is not here any more to tell me it'll be ok. The one person who made things right... gone. Why do there have to keep being more? When is enough, enough?
That being said, it's 0239 and I should be in bed. I'm having trouble sleeping after learning of more fallen Marines, so I'm blogging. I'm supposed to be sleeping because I am going to go running in the morning (yeah, not something I typically do). I am running, though, to honor my husband. To honor all Marines who have given their lives or parts of their lives. I am running a 5k (gasp) for Hope for the Warriors. Since I don't know when I'll be blogging next, I'll take this opportunity to post as well about the Run for the Warriors 5K that my friends and I are taking part in on 15 May 2010. Please take a moment to check out my Hope for the Warriors page and if you are feeling generous, add a donation. I figure if all the people who now follow this blog, plus the people who don't follow and just stop by, donate just ONE DOLLAR, I'd have collected quite a chunk of change to contribute to Hope for the Warriors. Take a second to thank a Warrior who has given his or her life, limb, or general well-being for your freedom.
Semper Fi,
