Mediocrity and Change

I've been feeling so blah lately. Just not content. When I think of one word to describe life as of lately, I can only come up with mediocre. At best. Maybe it's having just come back from a great Caribbean vacation, maybe it's the dreaded March approaching, maybe it's just the blues, but I'm suffering from a nagging feeling of just not feeling content. I feel like I should be doing more. Maybe I am just desiring excitement. Maybe the excitement I got on vacation made me realize I miss having adventures. I want Ariana to be an adventurer as well. I have the constant urge to run away. Obviously, I can't. I have two horses and a dog that need me (I'd take the baby with me) but boy do I want to just go. I've been kicking myself for my lack of writing. I've been holding all this poop inside me and not letting myself use the one outlet that seems to lighten the burden. I've had a strong desire to write a book. I've got a really neat story line I want to try but the reality of it is I'm scared. I'm really afraid not that the book won't amount to anything but that I won't finish it. I'm terrible at starting things and not finishing (master's program, cosmetology school, jobs...) for some reason I've had a serious commitment phobia for the past... oh 3 years (duh) and I don't know how to overcome it. Maybe finishing a book is just what I need.

I'm in the mood for change. I am going to be making some changes. I need more peace and center in my life, I need to be content. I need to be doing something that I'm proud of. I need to finish something. I've decided I am not happy with how people are these days. People don't treat each other nicely. It's like others' feelings aren't considered anymore. I'm not saying just other people. I'm including myself in this, as well. I will not only be trying to be a better person but I won't be accepting less from others anymore, either. I'm going to try to treat others better, but I'm certainly done letting people hurt my feelings for no reason.

I'm definitely making way for a better, stronger, more exciting Rachel who actually finishes things. Wish me luck. Bye-bye mediocrity!