Single parenting, on top of all that, is even harder. I don't have anyone to share that blame with! I don't have someone to bounce ideas off or make decisions with, I have an extra set of hands when I ask for it but not another set that holds the same responsibility as mine as "parent," and my only companionship on many days is only that of a 3 year old. I get lonely, I get frustrated, I get really really stinkin' tired.
It's a tough gig. But in all my stressing and griping the last week or so (it's been a tough week and I've been out of sorts), I came to realize the other day that it's my gig. This is my job. And even though it's tough, I do love it. Parenting... it might be the scariest job. It might be the hardest job. That's all up for interpretation. But I'm going to tell you, it's definitely the most rewarding.
My little baby isn't so little anymore. She's got such a quirky personality and I'm telling you she's such an excellent combination of Jonathan and I. It astounds me how much she is like her dad without them having ever spent physical time together. She keeps me laughing and she keeps me learning.
When I was little, I thought my mom was magic. She knew when I was up to something without turning her head (are there eyes under her hair?!), she had the fix to every problem, and words that could settle my always turning stomach and anxiety ridden head. My dad could fix everything, whether it be something actually broken or a broken heart fixed with a hug. Magic I tell you, pure magic.
Now, as a parent. My child is magical. She learns. Each and every day she learns! It's amazing. We're working on letters and as we go through the grocery she points out the letters after having only discussed them that morning. She is filled with wonder and curiosity. As she swiftly approaches the "Why" stage of her life, I find myself having to dig into my creativity reserves to give her an answer and an explanation for everything. She loves the little things in life. Tonight's dinner was hamburgers, salad, and nut thins (crackers, kind of like wheat thins but made out of nuts - don't judge my hippie side!) It was honestly a simple dinner that I threw together because I hadn't made a meal plan for today. My daughter declared mid-bite, "This is the best dinner ever!" There was no fancy silverware, no hard to pronounce foods, no culinary skills required at all... and I'd created the best dinner ever. When she thanks me, she thanks me so whole-heartedly. She stops to look at the ants walking on the sidewalks, smell and pick the flowers, and feel and throw the freshly cut grass. The world is still new to her, still exciting. That, my friends, is pure magic.
|who knew the sheer thrill of throwing rocks from the water back into the water?|
|living room sheet tent. the relief from all of life's stressors.|
Being a parent is pretty difficult single or with help. I have been lucky enough to have my parents' help so very much, especially since returning to Maryland. While they've been away I've been letting the stress get to me and I've been overwhelmed. Instead of being overwhelmed I should be enjoying this with her. For, it is through our own children that we get to relive our childhood years! We get to revisit the wonder and curiosity. We get to play at the arcade again, visit the zoo, play in the creeks, run in the grass. It's hard, it's stressful, it's scary and it is so rewarding. I can't ever let myself forget that.
|the ticket counting machine is thrilling for every age|