Reality TV Reality Love

Ready for Love. Anyone still watch it? Yes, it was cancelled but it actually stayed available on Hulu, NBC.com and onDemand (at least on comcast, anyway).

The finale came on yesterday and of course I watched it today because I do thangs my own way, ya know.

And of course, as with any reality tv show where choices are made and someone wins, I definitely had my picks. And (yet again) of course, the way I go with winning (bets, lottery, bingo, guessing winners of reality shows...), I was wrong and my choices were not picked. I did have a feeling that Tim was going to pick Jenna from the beginning. But I loved Sara who was a wiancee (that's widow term for person whose fiance died) and I think I just had that connection with her and so badly wanted to see her so happy. I knew it'd be Jenna though. Ben was a bit more complicated. I thought sure Allie had it in the bag at the home visit, but Angela came through in the end. I liked both choices, there was just something about Allie that seemed so real. And Ernesto made his decision the episode before, romantically climbing up to Shandi and telling her she was the only one for him. I called that one too, the night he kissed her before anyone else. So I guess I didn't do too bad at the guessing part, it's just the ones I was rooting for that didn't get chosen.

Anyway, watching it I kept thinking things like, "Allie is so much better. You even said how she fit with you, Ben!" and "Jenna looks crazy-similar to your ex-wife Tim, don't you think you should go a different path?! Sara would love you so much!" and then it kind of hit me. The way stupid things like reality TV usually do... I'm not there. I'm not them. I don't know what their hearts, minds, or other deciding parts are telling them. I don't even know them.

I've gotten so mad at people for the same thing toward me. I shouldn't have started dating when I did. I should be dating more. The people I dated were wrong. My methods of grief were wrong. Etc. etc. and here I was putting input in on these strangers the same way. Granted, they couldn't hear me - the only one who could was King - but still. What is it about us humans who think we have a right to put our opinions in so often about others' lives? And how does one change from a critic to merely an observer? And from that, is observing enough? How would one choose between when to only observe and when to add input?

Yeah, all that came from a stinkin' reality tv show. Clearly I really let my mind wander when I'm vegging out late in the evening. But seriously, where and how, as humans, do we draw the line? Something to ponder.

I also wanted to take a moment to talk about Sara, even though she'll most likely never see this in her life. But hey, maybe - stranger things have happened. So Sara. Even for reality tv, that woman handled herself so gracefully and I was just so impressed. From the get go, she let Tim know that she had lost her fiance to cancer, and even though their losses were different (he is divorced from his first wife) that she could understand loss and opening up to love again. Throughout the show she talked about opening up and actually being, as the title of the show states, Ready for Love. I think that was just such an admirable step. She not only made herself vulnerable to another person (so frickin scary after such a big loss) but to the entire nation on television. Then tonight, she continued to tell Tim how she felt right before he was going to break up with her. When he finally let it out that he was choosing Jenna, the way Sara held herself... Wow. She hugged Tim and told him that basically she just wanted to see him happy and she was glad for him that he had found that. She said how she'd learned and grown through the experience and knew she was ready for love as well and that she knew she would find that one person to make her happy like Tim had (I'm paraphrasing, obvi). It was just so graceful and respectful and honorable... What a lady.

 It's difficult to love again after the death of a significant other. It's scary to think of losing them again, if not to death, then to break up. Making yourself vulnerable again is terrifying. I often think I am ready for love. I want to be with someone, to share my life with someone, but then I wonder if I really am ready. Can I handle being vulnerable again? Can I handle loss again? I tried it once, and obviously it didn't work out. It's not a situation I'm really comfortable getting into here as it's extremely personal. But I do wonder if I really did make myself vulnerable then or if I kept just enough walls up to keep from really getting hurt. In the world of dating after loss, how do we find the difference between companionship and love?

That is certainly something I'm going to have to search within myself for. How (and if) I can be ready for actual love again and not just companionship. And then it's something that will have to, obviously, be found within the other person.

All is not fair in love and war. But indeed, onward we march.

Semper Fi,
Mrs. P