Sad isn't even the word to describe it, but honestly at this point I can't find the words to describe it. Angry, empty, crushed, confused, shocked, alone, unglued, hateful, depressed, beaten down... none of these words can do justice to my feelings.
I am being forced to do something that no 23 year old woman should ever have to do. I am being forced to do something that no one should ever have to do, not at this early in life, especially. I am being forced to lay the love of my life, my saving grace, my entire world to rest.
Sometimes hashing it out in words helps, so I'm trying to blog about it. To wrap my mind around why God would do this to me, to him, to us. I can't fathom how any of this has happened, it all still feels so surreal, there's no way this is real I am having a nightmare. Unfortunately this is a nightmare I am unable to wake up from.
On Sunday 14 March, Cpl Jonathan Daniel Porto, my one and only soul mate, died while on operations in Helmand Province, Afghanistan when the vehicle he was in flipped over. On Monday 15 March, a CACO came to my house to notify me of the terrible news. I'm not even going to begin to describe my reaction at that. On Tuesday 16 March I went to Dover AFB to welcome my beloved husband home. It is not the way I had intended to welcome him home, I had planned that in a few more months he'd be walking off the bus, I'd be standing there with a 6-8 month old Ariana with our signs, smiling, waiting for him to enter our arms. I did not ever imagine I'd be watching an honor guard escort a metal box draped in an American flag off a jet. Never did I imagine that on Friday I would be heading to Florida to make funeral arrangements. This is not how it was supposed to happen. It is not fair. I am so angry, I'm hurt... I'm... I don't even know. I'm missing him. I miss him. I need him, I want him here with me, and my wishes will never, ever be met. I do know that he is here with me, just not the way that I desire. I do know that he has been with Ariana, I know that he has spoken to me and her both and I pray with everything that I am that he will continue to do so.
If you are interested in reading more about this, google has all kinds of articles on him. I want the world to know, however, that some articles mistakenly put that my husband joined the Corps only because he could not find a job. He joined the Corps because he was looking for meaning and purpose in his life and because he felt a calling to be a United States Marine. And he was a DAMN good Marine, an AMAZING husband, and even from miles and miles away, a WONDERFUL father.
I will forever hold you in my heart, Jonny. I love you much more than words can express. I miss you so much it hurts. I will be seeing you again.
If the Army and the Navy,
Ever look on Heaven’s scenes;
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines.
Ever look on Heaven’s scenes;
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines.
Words fail. Just a fellow military spouse here to give you my deepest condolences. I'm praying for healing for you and your daughter and for comfort to find you in the days and years to come.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words that seem appropriate to say to you. No words will help ease the pain and heart ache. I am sorry. I wish there was something I could say to help. You are in my thoughts and prayers through this very difficult time.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine what you are going through and I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. My heart and prayers goes out to you and your beautiful daughter and your Marine who had to give so much. You all three had to give so much for our country and freedom. Freedom isn't Free. Your husband and daughter's father among many other soldiers are hero's. You do your best to show your daughter what a hero and wonderful man her father was. Make sure she knows him and what he did for her future. God needed an Angel it seems. May you find comfort in the Lord who will not forsake you. Prayers for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless,
From:
A Military Wife of an
Air National Guard Technical Sergeant
I stumbled over here from twitter this afternoon. My heart broke as I read your heart wrenching words. I wanted to tell you how utterly sorry I am for your sweet family. I will be praying for you and your sweet baby girl.
ReplyDeleteGinger~
I am so sorry for your loss. We as a nation owe you a debt we can never repay.
ReplyDeleteThings are bad now, but they will get better... never the same, but better. I won't lie and say the hurt will go away, but it will get easier with time. Hold on. Stay strong. You'll make it.
I don't know what to say but I can help you grieve. Your husband was the best this country has to offer and his loss is a loss to us all. The Marine family is a small and close-knit one - please keep us updated on what kind of support you will need. We can cry with you, pray with you, but if there is anything else you need, post it here.
ReplyDeleteSincere condolences on your loss. Your husband was a true hero, and we can never repay the debt we owe him for his service.
ReplyDeleteNo words i can think up are right. As a fellow military wife your story has deeply touched me. May you find peace in your heart. Thank you for his and your sacrifice. You and your baby girl and your families are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteMy God bless you and your daughter. I'm sure your husband will watch over you both from above.
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss. Semper Fi.
My deepest sympathies for your loss. While I never knew your husband, he was without a brave and honorable man.
ReplyDeleteMay God hold you and your sweet little girl in His arms and comfort you during this time of unimaginable sadness. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteAwww I am so sorry for you :'(
ReplyDeleteI'm VERY sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.
ReplyDeleteHe was a hero and we owe him (and you) a debt that we can never repay.
You'll be in my prayers.
Semper Fidelis
As a Navy sister, I cannot comprehend what you are going through and what you have lost, but I wanted to say that I am praying for you and your daughter and thank you and your family for the sacrifice and dedication your husband showed. I know that it is not easy to have someone you love be so far away and to live life each day in harm's way. Peace be with you.
ReplyDeleteI heard about this via The Jawa Report.
ReplyDeleteWords cannot express the sorrow you must be feeling. My deepest condolences to you.
I am incredibly sorry you are going through this right now. My heart is broken for you and your little family. A friend of mine lost her husband in the army and found some comfort in the AWP (American Widow Project). When you're ready to reach out, I would suggest looking them up. They've been an incredible source for military wives.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you.
I have never read your blog before today, I found you through a fellow military wife's blog.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I hope you're able to feel God's presence, he will never leave you, nor forsake you. Remember those words as your navigate through these most difficult days!
I know you don't know me, but if there is anything I can do to help, please just ask.
Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Becca
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your husband is a hero. You are a hero. Your little daughter is the tiniest of heros as well. May God give you comfort. I have a daughter your age & her husband is also in Afghanistan. I know the sacrifices your family has to make every day during a deployment. I am so very sorry of the sacrifice made this time. Please know there are people all over the world praying for you, your daughter and your husband...by name. His loss will not be forgotten.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless
God Bless you and your family. We carry you in our hearts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteAs a Marine Corps wife, I want to thank you and send my deepest condolences on the loss of your husband. His sacrifice and those of yourself and your daughter will not be forgotten or in vain.
ReplyDeleteSemper fi
from an army wife to a marine wife-
ReplyDeletewords aren't enough, but, the circle of women around you just got stronger by one...
prayers, love, support, hope for you and your daughter.
Mrs P-
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing anyone can do or say to take away your pain and suffering. Please know that you, your family and your husbands family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your husband died a hero for his country and for that I thank you for the selflessness of his life and his belief in our country. Please know that while I may be a fellow blogger and Internet only connection... I am here for you whatever you need. PLease do not hesitiate to ask. I am a former military wife and would be honored to help you in any way possible.
You and your family are in our prayers. <3 I wish I had more to say but you said it all in your blog.. Just be strong if not for yourself but for your daughter and keep him strong in her life.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you and your little girl. Daddy is watching over you both, with all the angels in heaven.
ReplyDeleteThankyou for your sacrifices to this country. We are forever in your debt.
I have no words for you.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you and you daughter. I will also pray for your husband. May God bless you and all USMC and families.
You and yours are in our prayers - your husband did not die in vain.
ReplyDeleteIII
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteThis made me cry so hard. I'm an Army wife, and its my worst fear to get that knock on my door, second to only losing my daughter.
ReplyDeleteMy prayer are with you, your so beautiful.
I'm not even sure what to say, maybe just that no matter what branch of service, we are all one big family. All of us are here for you.
May he rest in peace.
Sorry just doesn't seem to be enough. My heart is breaking for you. You,your precious little one, and the rest of your family are in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteMay God's grace abound to you and your husband's family and friends.
ReplyDeleteI've written this sentence so many times, but nothing I can say will undo your loss. My heart mourns with you.
My heart breaks for your infinite loss. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteThe Marine Corps is a family. In your loss, you do not greive alone. Semper Fidelis and my prayers are with you and Ariana.
ReplyDeleteno one should have to feel the pain you are feeling...you're hubby did a terrific thing by serving his country and i am so sorry that took him from you and your little girl! my prayers for you and ariana will go out everyday!
ReplyDeleteDear Friend,
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me but at the same time you now know me better than family. I am a 24 year old military widow of Sgt. David J. Hart. I want you to know that you are no alone and you love with you husband is still alive. I used to volunteer for an amazing organization called The American Widow Project. When you're ready look at the site, contact whomever you feel comfortable contacting. Move at your own pace. At the beginning I'm not sure I would've contacted anyone like myself had I been given the information BUT eventually I needed to communicate with women who understood. So, we are here. The founder of the organization is an amazing woman-young- like us, Taryn Davis. The AWP has a twitter, facebook, website and 1800 number.
I'm so sorry. Nothing I say will make any of the pain feel better. All I know to say is that He LOVES you, you don't have to let go- He lives with you and your beautiful baby girl.
On a journey like yours,
Nicole Hart
Proud Military Widow of Sgt. David J. Hart
nicolehart8@gmail.com
www.americanwidowproject.org
I found this blog from one of my commenters and I cross posted this to another blog I comment on also. Your husband IS a good man and I grieve for you.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was some way I could express my thoughts better but bless your husband. He rests with the righteous. He is in good hands.
Semper Fidelis.
I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I will be praying for your daughter and you. I'm am grateful there are people like your husband. My children sleep safely because of him. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteOh man....
ReplyDeletePrayers to you and your family
This is absolutely awful, I am so, so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteWhile I have no direct tie to anyone in the military, I make it a point to thank all those I see in Uniform, for their service. This is a harsher reminder of what I am so grateful for. Your husbands sacrifice has now becomes yours and your daughters, and I hate that for you. But I'm still immeasurably grateful for his service and all the others who have given and continue to give their lives in honor of our country.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am writing to you with a very heavy heart. I am so very sorry for you loss. May prayers are with you as you walk the difficult path that you are faced with in the days to come.
ReplyDeleteRest in Peace brave warrior for you and your family have paid the ultimate sacrifice. Thank you for your service and dedication to our country and for securing mine and my families freedom. We will never forget!
Another Hero is guarding the streets of Heaven ~ From an Army Mom
And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
ReplyDeleteBear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
You are not alone. God bless, your family & warrior are in our prayers.
Formercorpsman.
With a heavy heart my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words for how wrong and sad it is that you have to endure this loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you. I will pray for you in these difficult times, as well as the Marines still fighting for us all over the world, and their families. I'm so sorry for your loss, and so very grateful for the sacrifice you have made. My prayers are with you! ~Liz
ReplyDeleteI saw the story on the news here in Orlando - I did not know your husband but I know the Man and the uniform he wears with pride and honor.
ReplyDeleteFrom a fellow paratrooper I share in your loss and my family will keep you and your wee one in our heart and prayers - God blessed you and will continue to.
A poem by Sergeant Chirstopher Adams, US Army National Guard, the State of Maryland
"Rest now, fallen comrade,
For I bear honor upon your sacred place.
Rest now, fallen comrade,
For I stand castling freedom
Upon your resting place.
Fight no more, fallen comrade,
For I am here to see we are free.
For I will stand, fallen comrade,
Having full knowledge my dress and
Actions reflect on those that surround me,
For I represent a nation
And the state in which I serve.
So rest now, fallen comrade,
For I will bear honor upon this
Sacred place you now honor."
You are your husband are our heroes! We will keep you in prayer - Hilary, Miriam, Angela, Darius, Gabriel, Josiah, and Maria Cotter in NJ
ReplyDeleteI came here from Blogmocracy guided by one of our admns. So sorry for your loss and I know there are no words to suffice.May God hold you in his hands and comfort you. Semper Fi.
ReplyDeleteIke
No one should have to endure what you (and others like you) have to endure. Not in this country, or in any other country. I am so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteMay God bless you with warm memories, hope for the future and peace in your heart.
A Soldiers' Angel
I don't know you, but I am crying for you and everyone who has to go through this. This is truly truly heartbreaking. I don't know what to say. I'm sending you and your beautiful daughter my every thought.
ReplyDeleteThere are no appropriate words to express our gratitude for your sacrifice, but I hope the outpouring of support and prayers you receive will keep you strong.
ReplyDeleteWe are deeply saddened to hear about your loss, things like this just shouldn't happen to a young family. We'll hold you in our thoughts & prayers. Thank you to you and your dear husband for his courageous service, we are so grateful to our military people.
ReplyDeleteGod be with you,
Pat & Joseph
From one Marine wife to another, please accept my deepest condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is absolutely broken for you. I'll be thinking about you and your daughter.
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry for your loss. You and your daughter are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteAs the wife of a military man one often wonders what will I have to deal with today...Never are we truly prepared for that knock on the door. It is not right or far at any age let alone at the tender age of 23. Your husband is a true American Hero, you have all paid the biggest sacrifice for this country and for that we are eternally grateful. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, you will always be a Marine wife. Reach out to those around you and let them be there for you and your daughter.
Semper Fidelis.
♥
Our deepest sympathy and prayers for you and your family. He was a fine young man and lucky and blessed to have you and your daughter. Our entire country is grateful to your husband. Thank you and thank his fellow Marines on our behalf
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for telling us about your husband and giving us a chance to honor and mourn him with you. Words fail to express my gratitude to your husband for his sacrifice and to you for yours. May you be blessed, encouraged, and uplifted through your grief. I pray for strengh beyond measure to see you through this.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a military wife, but my husband is a police officer, and I can only imagine getting that dreaded visit. This is my first time to your blog, I just wanted to say how very very sorry I am for your loss, and that I will be keeping you & your baby girl in my thoughts & prayers... *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry for your unimaginable loss. Words cannot express my sadness for what has happened.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and keep you.
Mrs. P my heart just breaks for you! If there is anything we can do for you or your baby girl please don't hesitate to let us know. Thank you Cpl Jonathan Daniel Porto, you will not be forgotten. I want to express my deepest gratitude for your sacrifice. To the family and friends, my prayers and deep condolences in your loss. May God strengthen you from knowing that fellow Americans and people around the world care about you and grieve with you in your loss. God bless you all and you’ll be in our prayers during the difficult days, weeks and months ahead. A very appreciative fellow American,
ReplyDeleteJody (Soldiers’ Angels-Operation Top Knot)
As tears roll down my face for you and your precious daughter.....I don't know what to say. I am so sorry for your loss. May God help you to carry on day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute. You have an angel in uniform watching over you forever. Please stay strong and rely on those closest to you for the love and support I'm so sure you need right now. I as a proud Navy Mom want to thank you and your husband for his service. I am so sorry he had to pay the ultimate price. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteLeslie, West Palm Beach FL
i just happened upon your blog and now i'm sitting here crying, at work.
ReplyDeletemy heart is hurting so much for you and your baby and your family.
i will be praying for you and thinking about you in this tough time.
there really are no words....sending a hug your way.
I am so very sorry. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI saw a post about your blog today, and just want you to know how completely heart-broken I am for you. I will be praying for you and your little sweet princess as you go through this awful time.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. There is no good reason for it, aside of protecting our freedoms and the freedom for his own baby daughter. My son served as a Navy Medic with the Marines, spending a tour in both arenas. I cannot imagine what you've been through. But I do know that your loving husband will never leave your side and will always be just a thought away. May God bring you comfort and peace and surround you and your family in His loving arms.
ReplyDeleteI do not know you, a Soldiers Angel suggested your blog to me. As I read, I cried. I have no words whatsoever to help comfort you. I only hope that you know there is an abundant amount of people praying for you, mourning with you, and thanking your husand for being the ultimate hero for this country.
ReplyDeleteMy son is a Marine,I pray, alot............
I will pray for you, Ariana, family and friends of Corporal Jonathan Porto, my hero, your soulmate and the newest gaurdian of the gates of Heaven. I am so very sorry for your loss.
I am so deeply sorry for you loss. I sit here in tears as I type. My thought are with you and your loved ones.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry just doesn't seem like enough. We are lifting you up to our Father. We will continue to pray for you and your daughter.
ReplyDeleteI hope you received my wishes - Scott
ReplyDeleteMy deepest sympathy to you and your little girl. Stay strong in your faith, know he is smiling down on you and your baby.
ReplyDeleteI read about your loss at the Jawa Report.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to include my prayers and condolences alongside the hundreds of others you will receive. God bless you.
Our love, prayers and thoughts go with you and your beloved daughter.
ReplyDeleteThere are no other words than to simply say I'm sorry. You & your family are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMy deepest sympathies to you, your family, and your daughter. You will all be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Porto and Ariana,
ReplyDeleteMa'am, I heard about your loss on a milblog I follow. I am sorry to say that I did not know your husband.
As a veteran I want you to know that your husband was and remains a hero in my book. I know nothing can remove the pain, and I am sorry for that. You are your daughter are now thrust into the role of hero as well, a role we never expect.
Be strong. Ariana will need to learn from you what a wonderful man, and fine Marine your husband was. She will need to know someday.
Please know that I, and my family, are praying for you in your time of loss. God does have a plan (Jer 29:11) and it does not suck, even though that might be what it feels like at the moment. There is a greater purpose in all we do, sometimes we are aware of it. Other times not.
God bless you and your daughter. May you both find peace, may your memories of your Husband be mostly joyful and good.
And finally, in addition to Jer 29:11 (God has a plan and it does not suck), my other motto is "Semper Gumby" or as I translate it, always flexible. God throws some viscious curveballs sometimes, and we need to stay light on our feet and flexible so we can respond when the game changes. Once again, I'm sorry that you got this particular curveball. Life is not fair.
Respectfully and prayerfully yours,
David Montgomery
As the daughter, sister and wife of Marines my heart aches for you - and tears are wetting my eyes right now. When you receive that flag in a few days please know that your nation is very very grateful for your ultimate sacrifice - without marines like your dear husband there would be no United States of America. I wish you well. You and your little girl are, and will remain in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteWith Love ----
From one military wife to another.
Words cannot begin to express how my heart aches for you. My family is praying for you and your family. We are in the area, if you need anything and I mean anything let me know. We may not know eachother but we are sisters because of the Corps.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteMay the memory of your husband forever be an inspiration to all, and may G-d watch over you and your daughter.
-FASTAC 6
Mrs. P,
ReplyDeleteYou, your daughter and your entire family are in our thoughts and prayers. We cannot express how much this breaks our hearts. Just know that there are so many Americans who share your pain, and can't express the sadness of this news brings. Nor can we express our gratitude for your husbands service and sacrifice. And for yours as well.
Truly, we hurt along with you. Prayers will continue, to give you strength to face the days ahead.
Much love from a very grateful American...
My heart hurts for you & your daughter, I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for being strong & brave enough to be such a supportive Marine Wife. I've enjoyed reading your blog so much. All my prayers & support to you & yours! My husband as well is sorry for your loss, he said try & keep your head up & continue to make your husband proud! God Bless You!!!
ReplyDelete"Some people go through life wondering if they've ever made a difference in the world, Marines don't have that problem." (Neither do Marine Wives!!!) Semper Fi
My heart breaks for you and your family and I am truly sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers with you.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you and your loved ones. May you find solace in knowing that so many good people grieve with you and love you. May your Marine rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you and your family. You are an incredibly strong woman, and i will continue praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss!
ReplyDeleteI don't have the right words to express my sorrow for you. I have been married a long time to my loving wife and it is too painful to even imagine loosing her.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can tell you is that only God knows why your husband has been taken home away from you. God is not evil or spiteful. He loves you and will hold you close, especially now. I know that doesn't ease the pain or lessen the confusion.
I pray that the Lord and Savior will stand beside you in your pain. God knows this kind of pain. He gave up his only Son to save us.
I pray for you and your daughter.
There are no words...I'm praying for you and your little girl :(
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMa'am, I have been a Marine for 26 years now, and have been amazed by the young Marines that serve now. It appears your Marine would be one that amazed me in the good way. I am truly sorry for your and your daughter's loss. I know this will be difficult, but you two won't do this alone. The Marine family does take care of our own, even if it doesn't seem right from time to time. I passed your link to a friend who started this journey 7 years ago.
ReplyDeleteFrom me, please accept my condolences, and know that I will honor his memory by continuing the mission, until we are finished, and can take our time to reflect on our brothers and sisters lost. Semper Fidelis, Steve MSgt//USMC
We send our deepest condolences. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Please let us know if there is anything at all that we can do.
ReplyDeleteMyranda, Sandy and Lindsay
Century 21 Advantage Gold Realty
I blogged about you this morning...I just cannot stop thinking about you and praying!! I feel like I am hurting with you because I have been crying all day and all yesterday about this. Once again, I am soo sorry and you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know you, your little girl, and your families will come out strong...just stick together! xo
ReplyDeleteMy heart is so heavy as I read that yet another of our Heroes has paid the ultimate sacrifice. Please know you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. May God comfort you as only he can during the very difficult time. May he rain down his grace and strength on you May he pour out peace that passes all over our understandings. Hold on to the promise that you will be together again, where there is no more pain sadness sickness war or death.
ReplyDeletePrayers going up from South Carolina
Melissa Stevens
Patriot Guard Riders
I am so sorry for your loss.. Try to bring comfort to yourself knowing your wonderful/brave/amazing husband is now watching over you and your baby girl. May you and your family find peace.
ReplyDeleteDuring these tough times, know that your military family will always be by your side. I'm praying for you and your family during this difficult time
ReplyDeleteI grieve with you and your child. My heart breaks for you both. Semper Fi to your brave Marine Husband.
ReplyDeleteDear Mrs. P., May I add my sincere sympathies and heartfelt prayers to those who have written before me? Each and every post has a germ of great wisdom on which you can focus today and in the future. My brother's 19 y.o. daughter died of brain trauma the day after her one-car accident. I can't help but feel he and his wife garnered much strength from the hundreds of mourners who attended Michelle's funeral, hearing their stories about knowing her and accepting their caring thoughts. Every day will be an opportunity to honor your husband and I'd like to join in that. Your husband showed that he loved All of us enough to enlist and to fight for us. John 15:13 says, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
ReplyDeleteIn closing, I have a favorite saying I hope you will consider: "Hearts that mourn are fragile. Please take care of yours."
A grateful Army mom.
Mrs Porto,
ReplyDeleteA friend sent me the link to your blog. I am with the Surviving Spouses Support Group of Camp Lejeune. Our support group meets twice a month. Please call me if you would like to more about the Support Group or if I can help you in any way.
I read your post and my heart just breaks for you. My husband died March 25, 2003. I was 7.5 months pregnant with our third. Three weeks after his funeral I had a newborn, a 2 year old, and a seven year old. Please call me at 760-660-3102 or 910-353-7211 as I would love to help you in any way I could.
I don't know you and just found your blog today. My heart breaks for you and your daughter. You both are in my prayers and in my heart.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I am lifting your daughter, you, and your families up in prayer. I am so so sorry...
ReplyDeleteI couldn't even read your post but I will be back. I can't stop crying, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is heavy with your sorrow.
ReplyDeletePlease know that I care and my prayers are with you and your beautiful daughter. The Marines are the very best. Take care and God Bless.
May G-d, your family and friends give you strength.
ReplyDelete-Greg
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you!
ReplyDeleteYou and your sweet dd are in my prayers. Words can not convey my sorrow for you.
ReplyDeleteMy deepest condolences. From the beginning of recorded history, women's stories of welcoming loved ones home from war have warmed our hearts. And from the beginning, women have experienced the special kind of loss that comes with the death of a lover and husband in a far away spot for a country he loved. You are not alone. Small comfort, but know that your sisters in a great long line throughout time are holding your hand. Feel their touch; feel our touch; feel the touch of God. May He give you grace and courage to bear the unbearable, live the unlivable and seek solace and balm for your deep wound. God bless you, my dear, and keep you safe in His loving arms.
ReplyDeleteI am so deeply sorry to hear of your loss. I will pray for you and your little girl.
ReplyDeleteKaren - Army daughter, wife and aunt.
There is nothing I can say that will bring your Hero back to you, and "sorry" seems like such a small word which can by no means express how much my heart aches at your loss. God bless you and your beautiful baby girl, and may He hold you in the palm of His hand as you mourn the loss of your Hero. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteRest in peace, brave Marine; your service and sacrifice will not be forgotten. In the arms of the angels...
I am so so sorry for your loss. You, your dear husband and your entire family will be in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteWords cannot express how sorry I am. Thank you to your husband for his dedication to service and willingness to risk it all to keep others safe. And thank YOU for standing behind him every step of the way...for forever being a Marine's wife. Prayers for you and your daughter.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry...you are a brave woman, a good mother, and a Marine wife...always.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry for your loss. My heart is saddened and I don't know you, but I'm a soldiers wife. Best of luck to you and your family, your family will be in our Prayers.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog from another. There are no good words. As the mother of a young baby, my heart breaks for you both. I thank you both as well for your brave husband/father and the sacrifice you all have made for our country. I will be keeping you, your little girl and extended family in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing I can say that will make anything better, but know that I'm thinking of you and your daughter, and praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteThis, sadly, is my first visit to your blog and as a fellow military wife, my heart breaks for you and your daughter. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time, it's men like your husband that the word hero is for. Godspeed Marine and God bless the family that is left behind.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts & prayers are with you & your baby girl.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Mandy
fellow military wife
I am trying to find the right words but there aren't really any... all I can say is that I am so so sorry! You are in my heart and thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI mourn for your loss.
ReplyDeleteYou are correct, you will always be a Marine wife.
You will always be family, not only among Marines, but all Veterans.
You deserve the admiration and respect of all Americans.
www.turnandfire.blogspot.com
I cried when I read this post yesterday and I feel like I have had a cloud over my head ever since. I am a fellow Marine wife here at Lejeune and my husband is also deployed to Afghanistan. This is so unfair...for you and for your precious daughter. This is the worst fear of every military wife, and I words cannot express how deeply sorry I am that you were dealt this hand. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. Sending hugs...
ReplyDeleteEveryone before me has already said it, but I am so sorry for your loss, and I am praying for you and your baby girl. I cant even imagine what you are going through, and I am so sorry that this has happened.
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry for your loss. My heart is truly hearting for you. I wish I had the right words and answers to help stop the hurting. I can't, but I can and will give you my prayers!
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you and praying for you.
My heart breaks for you and your daughter. There are no words sufficient to ease your pain, but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteRachel in TN
i don't even know what to say.. i am so very sorry for your loss! my heart is aching! my husband is in afghanistan too and i can't imagine what you are going through.. you and your sweet baby girl are in my prayers! xoxo!
ReplyDeleteMay God bless you and your child. I am so sorry. Boyd
ReplyDeleteHello, I am so sorry to hear about the death of your beloved husband. May God be with You and your Lovely Baby. And May your Husband Be Granted Eternal Rest in Heaven. Anne
ReplyDeleteThere are no words to describe how sorry I am, my thoughts and prayers are with you. SO sorry you have to go through this.
ReplyDeleteI wish more than anything that I or anyone for that matter knew the magic words to make it all better. To take away the pain and anger for all that you've lost that will never be replaced. The words to make it better for you, your daughter, your family, and your friends. Since no words exist, all I have for you is compassion. I know it is not enough and I apologize for that. I wish I could help and only hope that you knowing I would help, if it were possible... might give you just a lil more strength when you need it most.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know that there are no words to comfort during this time. I am an Army wife.... Please know that I am here if you ever need to talk or vent...
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers
I read about your post on Hellcat Betty's blog. I know we don't know each other, but military wives all have a common bond.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you had a wonderful life, albeit short, together. You and your daughter will be a testament to what a great man he was, and I'm sure he served his country willingly and faithfully. You are exactly right when you say he was called...it takes a very special calling. And what a blessing for you to be a part of that.
I'll keep you all in my prayers.
My heart goes out to you. I thank you for sharing your heart and opening up to all of us. I wish there was something I could say to help, but nothing could be said to take away all of your pain.
ReplyDeleteThere is only a few things that I can offer to you. When you feel like it check out snowballexpress.org it provides christmas to families who have children that have lost a loved one in Iraq or Afghanistan. You would be around other people that have experienced what you are going through. The other thing is Hero On My Arm is military uniform purses made by a military spouse. If you can send her a uniform of his, she will make it into any purse you choose free of charge.
I hope that these things can help you through some of your grief.
Take care!
Your husband's life and service, and your life with him, mean more to your fellow countrymen than words can express.
ReplyDeleteYou have honored us with your sacrifice.
We are all in your debt.
I just wanted to stop by and pay my respects. May your husband rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteI actually have never stumbled on your blog until today, but I read a post on Hellcat Betty's blog and I knew I had to come and say something. As a fellow military wife I wanted to let you know that my heart absolutely aches for you, your daughter, and your family.
ReplyDeleteWe don't know each other, but I wanted to express the sadness I'm feeling for you right now. This is something no one deserves to experience, and I'm so sorry it's happened to you. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog while searching. As a Marine (25 years ago), the 'always-be-marine-wife' caught my eye. What I read, I did not expect.
ReplyDeletePlease remember that God is soveriegn ... in everything. In his providence, there is purpose. I know we don't often understand it. Life in a fallen world, holds many trials and tribulations. I do not know you from Adam, but, if I may offer one piece ... please do not let yourself become bitter. Look to the Lord Jesus, and may his grace be upon you. I will keep you and your family in our prayers over in the loss of your husband.
Semper Fidelis
I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. Looking at the pictures on your blog, I couldn't imagine what you're feeling right now. And all I can say is, I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish there was more I could say, something to make you feel better... know you're in my thoughts. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteR.I.P. Cpl. Porto.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your sacrifice.
As a Marine Wife, I know that this is the thing we fear most when we see them off to far flung corners of the world.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss.
My heart broke when I read this. There are no words that I can say to express my sympathy. My heart goes out to you and your family. He will always be with you in your heart and through your daughters eyes. Always embrace that.
ReplyDeleteBe strong for that little girl. We are all here for you.
Christina
http://thejourneyofanavywife.blogspot.com/
My prayers are with you! I am terribly sorry for your loss. You are right, you shouldn't have to experience that. May God comfort you and your daughter and may you gain strength from the love of family and friends.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine what you are going through. I don't know you...but I do know the God of the universe. Even in times of struggle, He is still in control, He loves you, and He has a purpose for everything that happens....though sometimes greater than our understanding. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteOur hearts break for you and your precious daughter who will only know her daddy through your memories. Keep them alive and strong for her. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. Keep strong for your baby girl- and may God, or whatever you happen to put your faith in, take care of you. <3
ReplyDeleteMe and my family are sorry for your loss. We will be forever grateful for his service and yours as well. Remember he fought for those who are unable to serve - like those with disabilities and this soldier who now has a pacemaker and some weird kidney disease. Keep fighting!
ReplyDeleteMy hearts crys for you as do I. You are RIGHT you will ALWAYS be a MARINE wife! Remember that and share that with your daughter...share that honor, courage, and pride.
ReplyDeleteHaving babysat for the kids of a CACO, s/he would have given anything to not be giving you that news.
Many prayers for you and your daughter. Remind her and yourself that he is in Heaven watching over both of you.
I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteSo incredibly sorry. Forever grateful for your husband's service and saying a prayer for you and little Ariana.
ReplyDeleteOne never knows what to write at a time like this. My condolences, he's in God's hands, time will ease your pain - they seem so trite and insignificant yet in time will mean something. My prayers are with you and your child.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHello, I'm here from Julie the Army Wife's blog. I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this loss. There are no words...you and your daughter are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry. so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog today and I wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you and your beautiful little girl. I can't even imagine . . .
ReplyDeleteLike so many others, I am so sorry for your loss. Your Jonny sounds like a wonderful person, and I'm certain his loss will be felt by many. Please know that many of us feel a little bit of the sorrow you feel. Please also know that he died doing something important, something worthwhile. Not a lot of people can say that, and I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that he was committed to being a Marine, with all that that entails. You and your daughter will be in our thoughts and prayers. You will always be a Marine wife, and she will always be a Marine's daughter. May the Lord bless you both with strength and hold you firmly in his arms.
ReplyDeleteWords from a stranger cannot possibly ease the grief of your loss. I will pray for you and your daughter. The world is a lesser place with the loss of men of such character as your husband but a much better place because of them and their character, duty, and honor.
ReplyDeleteJeff
Your family is in our family's thoughts and prayers. Sometimes we forget the sacrifices that are made by these brave men and women on our behalf. Please know that there are so many people holding you and your beautiful baby in their hearts.
ReplyDeleteI wish the outcome could have been different. I wish that the three of you could have been together forever. It's so sad when someone so young is lost. Know that time will make the pain easier to bear - it won't ever go away, but it will eventually not be as searing as it is right now.
God will hold you in his loving embrace, and He will give you the strength that you need to get through these difficult days. I am so glad that you have a part of your husband that will live on - your adorable little girl.
Oh my. There are just no words to express my heart for you right now and sweet Ariana. Although we have never met, I am here if you need anything at all. Right now I offer prayers of peace and comfort and you lay a Perfect Gentleman, Jonny to rest. May you find the strength and courage you need in the coming days to walk on. May you find Love and Support in your Marine Family and immediate family and friends. He will never be forgotten. Thank you Jon for your protection of our Freedom. Thank you for giving your all, so that we could be free. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words for this, sweetheart.
ReplyDeleteThere is only time to give us perspective, but that doesn't help now.
Many prayers for you and your precious daughter.
Thank you for your family's forever sacrifice. The words are indequate. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI was sent over here by another blog friend, and I wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today. I can't begin to imagine all the emotions you are going through, and my heart is breaking for you right now. You seem like such an incredible woman (with a gorgeous, gorgeous daughter!) and I truly wish the best for you.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you are able to snuggle your daughter a little harder and find comfort in the fact that she holds so many pieces of your husband!
Everything you're feeling is okay to feel, and I know you'll get through this somehow. Even though we haven't met, I want you to know that I respect you more than you could ever know!
My heart breaks for you. I can't even imagine what you are going through (even though I have imagined it a million times, especially when my husband deploys)
ReplyDeleteWords cannot express how much I admire you for your strength in your choices leading up to this, as an example for strong military wives everywhere. I pray that you won't HAVE to be this strong forever.
May God bless you and Ariana. I am certain that your dear husband is with God now, smiling down on both of you, sending you his love.
I am so sorry for the loss that you, your daughter, and your family are experiencing. God bless you both, and your wonderful husband. I'm sorry, I wish I could think of something better to say, but I am just so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDelete~Holly, Michael, & Parker Gordon
USAF Mountain Home AFB, ID
I'm sooo sorry to hear about the loss of your dear husband. I know that words can't express how you are feeling right now. I'm a military spouse too and I'm going to be praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am speechless. This breaks my heart. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your daughter, and your families. I myself am a Marine wife and my husband leaves for Afganistan this fall for his second deployment. I am so so so sorry. I don't know you but I wish I could hug you and cry with you. Be strong for your little girl, and remember he's never really leaving you. He's always within your daughter and always watching over you both.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you, your little one and the rest of your family and friends and all who knew him.
ReplyDeletehugs from one marine wife to another, know you and your beautiful baby girl have your own personal Angel. Read your post and it reduced me to tears, we may not understand why, we never will. My thoughts and prayers are with you and both your families. Be strong for your precious baby girl ((((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI am keeping you, your little girl and entired family in my thoughts and prayers!! :(
ReplyDeleteI have no words. I am so sorry for your loss. Though I'm sure loss doesn't feel like an appropriate enough word. I am literally crying right now. Please know that there are hundreds of milspouses across the world right now praying for you and your daughter.
ReplyDeleteI am heartsick for you. I am so angry that this has happened. I am so very, very sad for you. Please know that people across our nation, many of whom you don't even know, are holding you close at this most tragic, most hellish, so very sad time in your life.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I'm a Soldier just back from Iraq where I was stationed at a Marine Air Base (that transitioned to Army control at the end of my deployment) and worked with a lot of Marines.
ReplyDeleteQuality people, all. There are no words of comfort that can ever be offered that will help, but I will offer them anyway. Your Husband died doing what he loved to do, protecting others, doing the job. That MEANS something - it gives his life meaning beyond that of normal men and women. I am proud to be a Soldier and very proud to know and to have worked with US Marines. They are truly amazing people and amazing Warriors.
May all the gods bless you and your little one and help you to heal from this horrible hurt.
Respectfully,
SGT Jeff Burhans, US Army (Reserves)
To all my Marine brothers and sisters: Oo-Rah!
May God bless you and Arianna and give you grace and strength through all times to come. I am so sorry for the death of your husband.
ReplyDeleteSo very, very sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI am without words. So so so very sorry for you and your daughter's loss. We'll be praying for your family. Thank you so much for your husband's service in protecting our country.
ReplyDeleteNothing said will ever be enough.
ReplyDeleteYour loss is not forgotten.
God bless, you and that beautiful baby.
As a retired Chief Petty Officer and a CACO, I wish to express my deepest and most heartfelt condolences. As an American, I wish to express my sincerest appreciation and gratitude for your sacrifice. As a husband, I wish to convey my deep sadness broken heart at the loss of your soulmate. As a Christian, I'll say God does not put 2 people together at random, he had a purpose in mind when he joined your two souls. May God bless you and Ariana.
ReplyDeleteI cannot begin to fathom what you are going through -- emotionally and physically. All words seem trite and almost hollow when dealing with a tragedy like this. I am sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your daughter wrapped in prayer. As a mother myself, I would like to thank your husband and you for the ultimate sacrifice. It is easy to take for granted the fact that we can lay our heads on our pillows at night and feel safe. Your husband protected my family... complete strangers. You sacrificed a great deal before this tragedy, and now, with great sadness, the ultimate sacrifice of a hero. You and your daughter hold a precious place in my heart... lots of prayers and love are being sent your way.
ReplyDeletei have had that CACO moment. it is surreal.
ReplyDeletei am so sorry for your loss. and that beautiful baby as well.
praying...
I know there is nothing anyone can say that will ease your pain bu I feel I need to say something. As a retired Chief Petty Officer and CACO, I wish to express my sincerest condolences on the loss of your husband. As an American I wish to express my humblest gratitude for the ultimate sacrifice you, your daughter, and your husband have made in protecting our freedom. As a husband, I want to express my heartache at the loss of your soulmate. And as a Christian, I'd like to remind you that God does not put two people together at random, he had a plan in mind when he joined your to souls together. God Bless you and Semper Fi!
ReplyDeleteI was Army, not a Marine... so I'm a "cousin"... not a brother. But, I served in Iraq and I have a feeling your husband did too.
ReplyDeleteTonight we all mourn with you. I am so, so very sorry.
You carry a burden and quiet pride no woman should have to.
God be with you and keep you. God shine His abiding grace upon you and your daughter today and the rest of your days.
God speed your husband, Marine Cpl Jonathan Porto... NEVER FORGOTTEN!!
Words can't express how sorry - how deeply sorry, from miles & computer screens away - I am to read about your husband's death and your pain. You and your daughter are in my thoughts & prayers. There's nothing to say except to ache for you both - and for him.
ReplyDeleteSemper Fi, Cpl. Porto.
<3
I am very sorry for your loss. Life sometimes is just so unfair.
ReplyDeleteMy deepest condolences on your tragic loss. Heaven has another Marine to guard it's gates and Satan has one more reason to be looking over his shoulder.
ReplyDeleteFrom an old army grunt /Salute Marine you are indeed missed.
Though I am new to your blog, I feel as though every fellow military wife has a bond known to no other. I wish I had the words to bring you comfort...and though I can't imagine the pain your heart is enduring, know that our hearts are breaking with you. The past two nights, I have stayed up long into the morning hours whispering prayers for you and your family. I only hope that you feel God's presence with you and can rest in the comfort only He can provide. You are so brave to face each day, to be a wonderful mother to your precious daughter and a couragous wife for your Marine. We are all so proud of the life you both served, the life he gave. Thank you for being a Marine Wife. Thank you for being strong. May God bless you and Ariana. We will never forget your husband.
ReplyDeleteLove,
An Army Wife who stands beside you.
My deepest sympathy to you and your little one. I do know how you feel - I was there 25 years ago. Although my husband did lose his life in the military, he lost his 4 yr battle with cancer. I was a 24 year old wife with a 2.5 yr old son. If I can give you any advice, it is to know that God will provide and take care of you both. It will be hard but you will survive (you are a Marine wife). Take it one day at a time and relish the time with your daughter. Do not rush into anything but allow yourself to go through the grieving process. Thank you for your service to our country. Our thoughts and prayers are with you
ReplyDeleteAs a husband and Daddy who, many times, is put in situations where I may not come home, albeit not as a service member, I pray every day and night that my family will not have to experience what you are now experiencing.
ReplyDeleteIt is with sincere, heartfelt gratitude that I thank you, your daughter and your husband for the ultimate sacrifices that you all have made. Words cannot express the love and deep sense of loss that my family and I are feeling on your behalf right now. Please know that your husband did not die in vain and that he will not be forgotten.
May our Lord bless you and keep you,
The Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you,
The Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you Peace.
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
ReplyDeleteMay we all be blessed to meet you both "over there."
Your story is amazing and I feel as though I know you through your writing. My heart breaks for the pain your heart is in right now, the unimaginable suffering and loss. Mr. P lives on in Ariana and you, what a legacy!! I will pray for healing and comfort for you, and I hope that you'll feel the sun shine one day soon. Please keep writing and know that you have touched so many hearts.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend is deployed in Afghanistan and my heart aches for you and your baby girl. I hope that strength finds you at your time of need. You and your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled to find your blog thru Rachel's (Confessions of a Jersey Girl) and all I can say is my thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter Ariana. From far away I send kisses and warm hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I came across your blog today thru Rachel's post and all I can say is I am so sorry and that I send my prayers to you and your daughter Ariana. Hugs and kisses from far away! I will be thinking of you and Ariana!
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine. Know that there is an entire community of bloggers, bloggers' friends, their friends, praying for you and your family right now.
ReplyDeletemy prayers
ReplyDeleteAn old infantryman
Our hearts go out to you and your daughter.
ReplyDeleteNothing I or anyone will ever say will help, but I want you to know that some of us - many of us - are keenly aware that every day we live in freedom we owe to those in uniform.
ReplyDeleteThere are no words, not ones that are good enough anway to describe how I feel. May your family and friends surround you and comfort you and your daughter while you refind your way in this world.
ReplyDeleteHousehold6
I am so very very sorry. It's the thing we all fear most when someone goes off to war, be it son, daughter, husband, or wife.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was something to say that would make it better, but there isn't. I can only pray for you, your/his family, and all his friends. May he rest in peace with the eternal gratitude of a nation.
It is so sad that you have to know firsthand the real cost of our freedom. Too many people think our freedom comes from some words on a piece of paper, it comes from the blood and lives of heroes like your husband and the sacrifices suffered by their families and loved ones. My prayers and the prayers of every true American go with you in this time of sorrow. May God bless you.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you.
ReplyDeleteSome things transcend life and death: the value of the sacrifice your husband made, and the sacrifice you and your daughter are making right now, will endure forever.
I am so sorry for the loss that you, your daughter, and your family are experiencing. God bless you both, and your wonderful husband. I'm sorry, I wish I could think of something better to say, but I am just so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDelete~Holly, Michael, & Parker Gordon
USAF Mountain Home AFB, ID
There are no words. This is awful for anyone to have to go through. It brought tears to my eyes to read this and I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I am wishing the best for you in the future as you go through this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you and your beautiful daughter. My heart breaks for you and I hope that you find the strength you'll need to get through
ReplyDelete