I Will Always Be a Marine Wife

I just need to share some sad news with all of my blog friends.
Sad isn't even the word to describe it, but honestly at this point I can't find the words to describe it. Angry, empty, crushed, confused, shocked, alone, unglued, hateful, depressed, beaten down... none of these words can do justice to my feelings.
I am being forced to do something that no 23 year old woman should ever have to do. I am being forced to do something that no one should ever have to do, not at this early in life, especially. I am being forced to lay the love of my life, my saving grace, my entire world to rest.
Sometimes hashing it out in words helps, so I'm trying to blog about it. To wrap my mind around why God would do this to me, to him, to us. I can't fathom how any of this has happened, it all still feels so surreal, there's no way this is real I am having a nightmare. Unfortunately this is a nightmare I am unable to wake up from.

On Sunday 14 March, Cpl Jonathan Daniel Porto, my one and only soul mate, died while on operations in Helmand Province, Afghanistan when the vehicle he was in flipped over. On Monday 15 March, a CACO came to my house to notify me of the terrible news. I'm not even going to begin to describe my reaction at that. On Tuesday 16 March I went to Dover AFB to welcome my beloved husband home. It is not the way I had intended to welcome him home, I had planned that in a few more months he'd be walking off the bus, I'd be standing there with a 6-8 month old Ariana with our signs, smiling, waiting for him to enter our arms. I did not ever imagine I'd be watching an honor guard escort a metal box draped in an American flag off a jet. Never did I imagine that on Friday I would be heading to Florida to make funeral arrangements. This is not how it was supposed to happen. It is not fair. I am so angry, I'm hurt... I'm... I don't even know. I'm missing him. I miss him. I need him, I want him here with me, and my wishes will never, ever be met. I do know that he is here with me, just not the way that I desire. I do know that he has been with Ariana, I know that he has spoken to me and her both and I pray with everything that I am that he will continue to do so.

If you are interested in reading more about this, google has all kinds of articles on him. I want the world to know, however, that some articles mistakenly put that my husband joined the Corps only because he could not find a job. He joined the Corps because he was looking for meaning and purpose in his life and because he felt a calling to be a United States Marine. And he was a DAMN good Marine, an AMAZING husband, and even from miles and miles away, a WONDERFUL father.

I will forever hold you in my heart, Jonny. I love you much more than words can express. I miss you so much it hurts. I will be seeing you again.

If the Army and the Navy,
Ever look on Heaven’s scenes;
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines.

Semper Feet, Excitement, Phone Call, Survey... Whew!

Well guys, the sock drive is officially under way and even has an official name!

Semper Feet
Operation: Dry Socks

(I'm still working on the button, but as soon as it's done I expect to see it on everyone's page *wink wink*) Thank you so much for all your enthusiasm! Please keep spreading the word, hit me up that you are interested and once assessing your non-creeperness (lol) I'll pass along my address that will be the central gathering spot of all things socks and baby wipes. I'm really, really excited about this project, so all of the enthusiasm and help I am getting is just making me even more... excited!

I got a call from Mr. P today, those are my favorite days. He is doing well, and assures me that he continues to be bored (woo hoo) even though he is "in the field" moreso now than before. He warned me of rumors of a possible extension (barf) but I was already prepared for that, being the good Marine wife that I am. I told him about the sock drive and he is super stoked. Like really, really amped. He said it's a SUPER idea, everyone will appreciate it so much and he is now anxiously anticipating the arrival (woah, alliteration!) of socks and baby wipes to share. We decided that we'll start on a company level, since there are thousands of guys in the battalion, and go from there. I want each guy to get a few pairs of socks, which is why we're starting on a smaller scale, if we went BN wide, everyone would get like one pair and that would kind of defeat the purpose. Plus it's really hard to get in contact with everyone in the battalion so we're going to start out small and see how we can grow! But just letting everyone know that he is aware he'll be in charge of it on that end and he is really excited and appreciative of the efforts for helping our troops out!

Also, thanks to everyone who suggested Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. This is only day 2 and I can barely walk. I guess that's a good thing, one step closer to being skinny, but really stairs are just not my friend today. Man, I'm out of shape... here's to fixing that!

I saw this lil survey bug posted on a few people's blogs and I really like it so I'm going to post it here. Just a little Getting-To-Know-You about me and the Mr. P. I thought it was appropriate as we have a few new visitors stopping by with sock-lovin'.

1. What are your middle names?

Daniel and Theresa

2. How long have you been together?

A year and 7 months, married for 10 of those months!

3. How long did you know each other before you started dating?

We met and hung out and then just started dating... so like, a week maybe?

4. Who asked who out?

Well, we started dating and then Mr. P made it clear that he wanted to be exclusive shortly thereafter. I did drunkenly tell him his "fortune" one night while we were out: that he was going to fall in love with me, ask me to marry him, get married and live happily ever after. And here we are!

5. How old are each of you?

He just turned 26 last Friday, I am 23.

6. Did you go to the same school?

Nope.

7. Are you from the same home town?

Negative.

8. Who is the smartest?

Me, duh. Ok, just kidding. We've got different kinds of smarts. I'm book-smart, he's "tactical" smart... his intelligence is applicable to real life... well, his life anyway ;-)

9. Who majored in what?

I was a psychology major with a concentration in human services and a certificate in personnel/industrial relations. He majored in several trades and a little bit of screwing off before majoring in being one helluva Marine.

10. Who is the most sensitive?

Hmm... We can both be really sensitive. I am sensitive more often, I think.

11. Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Well... I guess between MD and NC... we went to FL together but we met up there, didn't go as a couple so I don't know if it counts!

12. Who has the worst temper?

Me. Hands down.

13. How many children do you want?

I think he wants a lot. He came from a huge family. Right now I'm all set with one, so the final number is still up for discussion...

14. Who does the cooking?

Me, I like to have it ready when he gets home... if I'm not asleep on the couch ha!

15. Who is more social?

We are both the type that will just start talking to anyone. That's kind of how we hit it off. We had no friends in common, no one introduced us, him and his friends just started talking to me and I started picking on him and we hit it off.

16. Who is the neat freak?

We're slobs. He'll tell you he's the neat freak but he's full of doo-doo. I am very anal about how my things are though. They may be messy, but they're messy my way.

17. Who is the most stubborn?

Ohhh man. We're horribly stubborn people. I think he trumps me by a hair.

18. Who wakes up earlier?

Helloooo he's a Marine, he's awake before the sun. Me? I'd prefer to sleep til noon

19. Where was your first date?

Well we met at the bowling alley, our first date was kind of a weekend away in Baltimore I guess...

20. Who has the bigger family?

Him. He's one of 8 and 2 half siblings...

21. Do you get flowers often?

More often than I would ask for! He's on top of it :)

22. How do you spend the holidays?

Last Thanksgiving we were at his parents in FL and then Christmas was spent with my parents in MD. This Thanksgiving was with my family and we were supposed to do Christmas with his family but he left before then. So we had an early Christmas where we put up our tiny tree and opened a couple pressies and I made a delicious dinner.

23. Who is more jealous?

Me. He's very secure, knows I've only got eyes for him. I know he's only got eyes for me but I still will cut you if you look at him.

24. How long did it take to get serious?

We met at the end of August and he proposed on the 1st of November soooo NOT LONG!

25. Who eats more?

OhEmGee HIM. His daughter definitely has his appetite!

26. What do you do for a living?

I hang out. He saves the country.
Ok, seriously, right now I'm a stay at home wife and mommy. I hold down the fort and make sure everything stays in order. And he fights for freedom... and on his days not out fighting he's on base fixing weapons, for the most part ;-)

27. Who does the laundry?

I do most of it, he does the majority of his uniform stuff though, too smelly for me!

28. Who's better with the computer?

Probably me...

29. Who drives when you are together?

Him, I prefer to just ride along

30. What is your song?
Our wedding song was "Fools Rush In" by Elvis but there are tons of songs that are special to us.

The Miracle of a Phone Call (Day 80)

First of all...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. P!

The love of my life has hit 26 years of air-breathing wonder.

The day we got engaged, if he looks a lil drunk it's because he 1. was teary-eyed from proposing and 2. had a few shots of Jack in him ;-)

A quick shout out to him... the most amazing man I've met. The man who made my life make sense, who made everything work out, the best kisser and most tolerable person (I mean, he deals with me, HELLO) with the sexy back and poop-brown eyes. I hope you had a safe birthday filled with your favorite kind of MRE. :)

Riding in a humvee in AP Hill Va, stole the pic from his FB

A few hours ago, I got just what I needed - a phone call from my hottie tottie Marine babe. I had been getting increasingly agitated and grumpy the past week from not hearing from him and hearing all this crap and not know what to believe and... ah it had just built. But this morning when my phone rang with that weirdo number I felt my heart lift and the weight begin to fall off my shoulders. My babe is ok, he sounds good actually, and even less tired than the last time I talked to him (weird because I'd assume he's busier now, probably more energized due to the lift in the boredom). He is attached to a new company, Charlie, which is neat because that is my "deployment wife"'s husband's company (are you following along... haha). He said they let him use the phone for his bday - woop woop.

He asked what we were gonna do with the house. I told him I'm still undecided and he sounds to be in the same predicament; awesome, no help from the Mr... but it's ok because we've still got time (I'm going to be saying that until we run out of time and are stuck). He agrees with me though and doesn't want to get stuck with a mortgage but he also told me that he might choose to stay with this unit longer so he can go on the MEU with them next deployment (it's rumored to be a MEU next in 2012, we'll see how true that is...) I'm not sure how I feel about this possibility but that's all it is right now a possibility, every time I talk to him he's got a different career idea. He mentioned base housing again but I just don't think that'd be the best fit for us, I could be wrong... and he also said we could look for a bigger place to rent, key problem with that is places bigger that I've looked into cost more than the mortgage on our house would... ah.

But it wasn't a totally business convo, that was just one thing he was wondering about. We talked about what he's been doing a little bit and he continues to assure me that he's not going on patrols but staying at the company's headquarters... however that may be set up I don't really know, but it is slightly comforting that he's not actively patrolling. We talked about BINGO (dammit I forgot to tell him about O-69!) and baby girl and just told each other we loved each other (what an awkward sentence...). I don't usually detail our convos but I'm pretty excited about hearing from him sooo... deal. Heh.

One bad part about phone calls though, is every time I get off the phone I think of things I forgot to say/ask. Is his address different since he's attached to someone new? (I'd imagine not, his mail will probably just take a bit longer, I'd assume). How's the weather? (Doesn't seem important but I'm always curious). And there are other things too but I can't remember them right now so they mustn't have been that important. But it happens everytime we talk on the phone I think of a million things I want to tell him or want to know after the call has ended. Oh well, something to talk about next time I suppose.

In baby news, I think someone is hitting a growth spurt today. 6 weeks old on daddy's 26th bday haha. She has eaten every hour since she's been awake and has been a total grumpy pants. Now she is taking her mid morning nap, hopefully she'll be in a better, less hungry, mood when she wakes up. Now I'm deciding what I should do while she sleeps (other than blog which I'm about to be finished woop woop!) A nap is sounding super appealing to me right about now...

How cute are these tiny feets? And yes, my shirt (actually the hubs') says "I Heart Hot Moms"

Home is Where... ?? (Day 77)

Mmm K, so for those of you who've been following more than a minute may know Hubby McHubberson and I bought a house. We were super stoked about this, even as a military couple. Many people didn't understand why on earth we'd do that so our reasoning was as follows:

• The mortgage on the house we bought would be less than renting a house of that size and it would be our house, to do whatever we want with, build equity, etc. etc.
• In the Marine Corps, there aren't as many places you can be sent as in, say, the Army. Theoretically speaking, we could request to stay at Lejeune for a long, long time.
• Although our rental is working for us right now, we are outgrowing our current space. A family of 3 in a 2bedroom, one bath house is a little snug, to say the least.
  
• I don't want to live in on-base housing. They take your BAH away and we're saving by having BAH, as our rent PLUS bills, is still less than BAH. We're making money of Uncle Sam, yo.
• I want to PAINT rooms.
• Our house is brand spankin' new, hasn't even finished being built yet. And it is SO cute.
• Renting is pretty much just throwing money away, month after month...
  

Now, recent events and information have caused us to rethink our decision. Luckily, we have the rethink luxury, as we don't close on the house until it is built - May. We are not currently locked into an interest rate (can't do that until March-ish, 60 days out). So, what may cause us to rethink our cute brand new house, you may ask? Well...

• As I said, our neighborhood is brand new. SO in the event that we did get stationed somewhere else upon reenlistment, resale will be super hard if the neighborhood is not finished yet (Why buy a "used" house for more when you can have a brand new one for less?) and renting is just a total pain, I hear such horror stories from people who have to rent their homes out.
• Mr. P is looking at the option of becoming an instructor at MOS school (where we met) which will be in Virginia by the time that comes around. Instructor = no deployment. I can not argue with that.
• I really don't want to get stuck with a house if the two points above happen and if we get stuck without renters then we will be broke!
• When you own a house, anything that goes wrong is on you (after the one year builder's warranty that comes with our brand new house, of course). So the dishwasher breaks when hubs is deployed, it's on me. It snows, I gotta shovel. I gotta mow. Lots to maintain and upkeep, especially when I'm on my own.

I am so torn. On one hand, I want my house. And I am beginning to fall in love with North Carolina (I mean the beaches... HELLO!) but on the other I really don't want to get stuck with something as permanent as a 30 year mortgage. Oh the decisions of grown-ups (Gag). I've only got a short time to decide too, and I'm mostly making this decision alone as hubby is out playin' in the sand. YIKES.

Speaking of the sandbox, I had written a whole post on the second worst day of the deployment which I had beginning at midnight last night continuing in to today. Basically, if you've been watching the news, you're seeing hubby's unit. I had spent lots of time scouring photos for people I know, friends' spouses... well now, I'll be looking for my own as well. Hubby is now... more in the action than he was before, so to speak. I had a severe nervous breakdown at around 1 o'clock this morning but now I am just pray, pray, praying. I've never prayed this hard in my life. I'm not going to post the whole thing I wrote before because it was just too much of a downer and I need to focus primarily on staying positive, even though it's getting harder.

Ok, back to the task at hand. House. Right. So. We put a $500 Earnest Money Deposit down, which of course I wouldn't want to just throw away but it, honestly wouldn't be the largest amount of money I've "wasted" in my life if we choose to back out. And if the interest rates happen to go above a certain rate then we can get out of the contract and get our EMD back anyway.
So the task to you, fellow blog-ites, is to give me some opinions. Those of you who own, those of you who rent, those of you who are military. All are welcome. I may not agree with what you have to say but I will consider it and use all knowledge in making a decision. Right now we're leaning towards getting out of it, but I still have my heart set on my home. I told hubbers he was crushing my dreams of buying a house he says "We did buy a house, now we're just returning it" hahaha clever monkey.

Where Has The Time Gone?

My apologies for my slight blogging failure. I've been busy, my bad.

Time is moving quickly, which I much appreciate. The news is no longer my friend, however I'm grotesquely addicted to all the stories, mostly on the internet. While things have picked up, happily, for me here stateside, they have also, unfortunately, picked up for Mr. P's unit over there. Makes me nauseous, but "I knew it was coming" so all I can do about it just pray, pray, pray.

So back to my stateside, lonely, and now busy life. I've had the enjoyment of hanging out with some old friends here in the great state of MD, which has made me pretty giddy. I went out with my Phi Mu big sister, Amber, to see one of my faaavorite bands, Ballyhoo! as well as some other great local bands including Bond & Bentley and Pasadena (google them both, they're great). I had a few brewskis (don't worry, I had enough milk stocked up!) and enjoyed the evening out.
I also got to catch up with some good friends, April and Tiff, for lunch the other day. PF Chang's (I'd also been craving lettuce wraps, mm mm mmm) for a nice mid afternoon meal and good conversation. Little Miss, of course, joined me on this outting. As usual she slept in her seat almost the entire time, she's such an angel.
Lastly, my lovely MOH who I've mentioned before, Maggie, was in town with her husband and kids. Her and her youngest (8 months) came and visited at my house and then last night I met up with them and a bunch of homies from high school for a night on the town. I spent much of the summer before I was married and moved and before Maggie got stationed in P.I. with her hubby who is also a Marine, spending nights similar to this one out in Bel Air, it was a refreshing (and very fun) flashback.

Now of course I haven't been partyin it up the entire time I've been MIA. I've been full time mommy too, just taken a few (well deserved?) nights out for me. On the home front, we're still working on getting my lil lady to sleep in her own bed (which, I must mention, she is currently doing - more on that later), and mastering the art of breastfeeding, working on being able to quickly get ready to get out of the house, trying to establish a routine, and generally just working on being a super mom-daughter pair. We're doing all this preparation for my much anticipated trip back home. In March, we'll be in NC for a week, just the two of us. I'm pretty nervous because my mom helps me out so much here, which is why I've been stepping up and trying to do things by myself better, and not freak out and have meltdowns quite as often.

As for her, she's doing great. We still have bumps but we're getting through them. Right now, she's snoozing in her crib (actually I think I can hear her cooing over the monitor, but she was sleeping). It took a while, I put her down around 9ish and it took about an hour of her dozing, losing her Nuk and then yelling, then I'd go up after a few minutes of her crying and stick it back in, then repeat pattern; but she finally is sleeping. For now. And she's been going longer stretches at night, which of course makes me elated. See? We're getting it... kinda...

I also got a much needed phone call from Mr. P today. I really didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much. But I keep thanking God for each day that passes, because that is one day closer that we'll have our love back in our lives. I just can not wait until he's home - I'm so excited.

Well I know this post was pretty all over the place and random but it was a catch up post. Hopefully I'll be better at posting (and commenting, although I was doing my best at catching up in between going up to give baby girl her paci back). Hope everyone's had/having a good weekend!

Hello There, Why Are You Crying? I Know You're Trying Your Best

*Warning, this could possibly, make you cry*

I can't believe I didn't post this sooner, and I had to scour the interwebs in order to re-find it. I had posted it on my facebook page but I mean as many times a day as I post on FB there's no way I'd find something posted weeks ago.

Anyway, this is a video taken by the combat news team with my husband's unit from the day he deployed, 8 Dec 2009.
One of my bestest NC gals, Lori, and her hubby are 50 seconds in. My friend Kristin's son is playing around at 1:29. Mr. P's SSgt, Roger, and his little girl Naomi, make an appearance at 2:55, his son and my friend Rachael, his wife, at 3:00. And Hubby and I (and Ari in the womb) make our YouTube debut at 3:49.




I believe videos like this put a real face on the war. This is me and my friends and their families saying goodbye to the most important person in our lives. When you see it on the news, it's sad but it's like... not close to home, ya know? At least that's how it was for me before... Even growing up in the military environment and supporting the troops the way I always have, I never really knew anyone over there, not like this. And actually watching people saying goodbye to their love? It's heartbreaking.

I cry every time I watch this. You may ask why... that's not very smart, Mrs. P, to watch more than once... But in reality, that was the last time I saw my husband. Held him. Kissed him. Felt him. It's bittersweet, I suppose.
I got a phone call today. And one yesterday. It's never enough. I just miss him. So, so, so much. Every time the baby is fussy or I'm having a bad moment, I miss him more and then my bad moments turn into awful moments. I just wish he were back here with us.

The song from the video, Lit "Lullaby"
Hello there, how was your day? Sorry that I was away
Hello there, how is the weather? Sorry I'm not there to play
I'm trying just to make it better for you I know it's hard to understand
Chorus.
(la la la la la)
I'm always gonna love you..... I promise you I promise.. you..
(la la la la la)
Always thinkin' of you..... I promise you I promise.. you..

Hello there, why are you crying? I know you're trying your best
To be good, now for your Mother, hold her and tell her we're gonna be ok.
I never meant to make you feel so bad, hope some day you'll understand..

Bah bah black sheep have you any wool?
yes sir yes sir three bags full
Goodnight

Can you tell I've had a pretty emotional day today? Sorry for the sappy post... But I hope you enjoyed the video, and if you haven't said goodbye to a loved one or a friend as they headed into a combat zone, it helped you put a face, a name, a family.... to what is going on and what military families sacrifice for this nation.

Oorah, Semper Fi.

A Few Points About This Moment (and the Previous Ones)

At this current moment (and a few moments over the past week):

• There is a crap ton of yucky, cold, white sky poop on the ground. It's still coming. And the entire state of Maryland is shut down. So much for getting things done.
• Yucky, cold, white sky poop is plotting a return next week. North Carolina sounds more and more appetizing as the days in Maryland go by...
• There is a tiny little angel asleep on my lap, making the cutest cooing noises in the world.
• Said tiny angel will be a whole month old in 5 days. Tiny angel's mommy is feeling both proud and oddly sad about this fact. My baby's growing up!!
• There is a little extra weight on this blogger's body. Wii Fit this morning, told me I was overweight. And that I need to lose like 22 lbs. Ouch, Wii Fit, take it easy.
• I will be working my buns off, literally, to nix said 22lbs before hubs come home. He will find me attractive and desirable. And so will I. (Meaning, I'm sure he'd find me attractive and desirable even if I'd grown a mustache, after such a long time in a desert with Marines... but I'd like to find me attractive and get that good ol' confidence he loves back and in full swing)
• My identity may be in question. Best Buy sent me a letter congratulating me on my recent TV purchase and asked if I wanted Geek Squad protection. This TV was apparently bought on my last bday (12 Dec 09), when I was at my baby shower in JVille... Oh and it was bought in my maiden name. Best Buy, so far, has not been helpful in answering the question of whether or not someone has "borrowed" my identity. Nothing's showing up on my credit cards, so I'm left to wonder if someone decided to use me to open their own credit card and purchase a TV? Let the investigation commence!
• My college has sent me to collections. For a 23 year old just heading out into the world I have immaculate credit. It is established and very high. I don't mean to toot my own horn but... beepity beep. Anyway, I get this notice from collections saying I owe my school 122 dollars. I've been out of school TWO years. I have never received a bill. I was on a full ride for school. All my bills had been taken care of... TWO years ago. Questionable identity again?
• There is a certain Marine in a certain desert who is WAY missed. Ok, there are lots. But this one is particularly important to me and therefore to this blog. We have finally made it past the 2 month mark, so that's good... I miss him way bad, but I did get to talk to him for 46 minutes last night. It was pretty awesome. He sounds ok, but super tired. I can't wait to cuddle him. He's so warm. If he were here we most certainly would be playing in the snow, but since he's not I'm hiding out inside getting cabin fever.
• Mom has cooked dinner and I'm going to go eat, when I return I will try to catch up on my fave bloggy friends. I've been a slacker, mostly because I'm never on the comp just my dumb Blackberry Storm and I haven't quite figured out Blogger for BBstorm. Sad.

Blizzard Bloghop (During a Real Blizzard!)

Hello Blizzard Bloghop visitors (if you haven't heard about Blizzard Bloghop and you think I'm losing my marbles, check it out here). I am currently writing this while here in Maryland it is snowing and is supposed to be a real-life blizzard. Woah! (Edit I woke up to like a gazillion inches of snow this morning)

My name is Rachel, but here in bloggy land I simply go by Mrs. P, the abbreviated form of my (newish) married last name!

I started this blog in order to organize my crazy thoughts of everything that was going on at once. As a newly married, newly pregnant Marine wife, I had a lot going on. Now, as the wife of a deployed Marine with a newborn, the fun (craziness) just doesn't stop.

Let's start from the beginning. In 2008, I was a wild-girl party animal. I graduated from the U of MD Baltimore Co. May 08 with a degree in psych (with honors) and a specialty in partying/being a drunk (with no dignity). I was planning on going to law school, but the one I got into (with a scholarship) was in Michigan and well.... I just didn't wanna go to Michigan. SO I decided to work at the Child Development Center on the Army post I've lived next to basically my whole life (Army brat married to a Marine... oops hehe).

That fateful evening I met my hubs (the dark Italian one on the left)

While working there, I met some people and one fine day, was invited to go bowling at the base post Bowling Alley. It was there that I met a group of rowdy, strange, funny, and mildly attractive Marines. One happened to be named Jonny, and I found him particularly dorky. (haha he's gonna murder me when he reads this). Anyway, this silly guy and I ended up hitting it off and then he kissed me, and we always like to say it was Love at First Kiss. After that we had a few ups and downs and he ended up proposing to me 3 months later.

6 months after that, we were married. And 2 weeks after that, we found out we were expecting (Honeymoon Baby!!)! Yea, we don't waste anytime, but I've learned as a Marine Corps wife that there is no time to be wasted! So we happily (and not so happily, like I said, ups and downs) spent our lives in the surrounding area of Camp Lejeune, NC. Until December when we found out Mr. P was headed for the sandbox. On Dec 8, I did the hardest thing I've done yet in my young life (yes, even harder than labor), I said a temporary goodbye to my other half.

On Jan 15, I did the second hardest thing of my young life and gave birth to our gorgeous daughter. Now, together, Ariana Ralyn and I send hugs and kisses (and toilet seats...) to our beloved hero from around the world. And here I am to blog about the days (hours... minutes... seconds) of my Life as a Marine Wife, waiting to be reunited with my one true love.

Thank you, bloghoppers and other bloggy friends, for stopping by and taking a minute to read about lil ol' me!

Your Questions, Answered (Oh, and There are Pics)

Here ya have it ladies, all the things you've been dying to know! Ok, maybe it's not that serious, but... let me just pretend, mk? I could have separated this into several posts, but I don't get to post that often as of late (I say this after having already posted today, I'm a liar liar) so it's all rolled in to one and I am hoping you take the time to read! Also, there are a couple questions that IRL friends have asked, so I just included them.

ARIANA/PREGNANCY/BIRTH

Do you like pregnancy or just tolerate it? (Mrs G.I. Joe)
It definitely wasn't my fave period ever, to be honest. I know I should say things like it was magical and all... and don't get me wrong, I know I am blessed to have been pregnant and to have my daughter, but it just wasn't my favorite. The first trimester I was in and out of the hospital because of how sick I was, and while the second and third weren't that bad, I was fat, I couldn't indulge in any grownup indulgences (I miss having a couple drinks, ok?!) I was moody and crampy and... yeah I'm glad she's out now.

The day I went into labor. I believe I was in the middle of telling my mom that I wasn't ready to go in to the hospital, that I wasn't in labor yet.

What was your favorite junk food while pregnant? Do you still like it? (Chelle)
Chocolate chip cookies and OJ! And I am having an extremely hard time giving them up. I mean, OJ's good for you, but the rate at which I eat Choc Chip cookies is not. I think it has to do with the fact that I was limited to my choc chip cookie intake due to her PAC thing, but I'm certainly making up for it now. I'm giving myself 4 weeks before I get into serious healthy-eating, working-out, get skinny mode ;-)

How did you pick your daughters name? Is there a story behind the name? (M in the Midwest) Did you both agree with the baby's name right away? OR did one of you have to convince the other? (Kiwis and Cocktails)
Ok so, originally, daddy picked this name. Some others we were looking at included Charlotte (a family name from his side, but I hate the nickname Char - sorry if that's any of your nicknames, I'm just not a fan, I love Charlotte and Charlie... but no Char), Jaclyn, and some other ones that randomly popped into my head. Daddy (Mr. P) found Ariana on a baby name website, and it's an Italian name (like daddy is a partially Italian man) and it means "Holy One." I loved the name, but at first I thought it may be a little too... "ethnic" for me. It sounds horrible, but I'm waaaay on the light (White girl) spectrum and I was afraid that her name sounded almost Spanish and I would look too white to be her mom. Yeah, dumb I know but... Anyway, so that was like the forerunner and I still liked it but was iffy and then when hubby was getting ready to deploy I was like OK Ariana is the name we've been using ANYWAY and the name daddy, who won't get to do much, picked, so we'll let him pick her name and we'll go with it. Ralyn is a combination of mine and his mom's name (Rachel - yeah, we have the same name) and my mom's name (Evelyn), hence why it is spelled with only one "N." (Ariana is spelled with one N because I believe Anna and Ana are pronounced differently and her name is Ar-Ee-Ah-Na). Ralyn also means "Little Lamb" and Rachel means "Lamb" so it's almost like... Me Junior. And I'm awesome, so of course two of me is like, double awesome ;-) Yea, that was a long story for an easy question, but I'm a wordy person (as you know if you've been reading this haha).

Did you have a boy's name picked? (Kiwis and Cocktails)
We really hadn't found one that we were set on. We had discussed Jackson and/or Jack at length, and I really wanted his initials to be JDP, like daddy, but besides that we hadn't gotten far (we'd even discussed Jackson Danger, because when I met daddy he told me his name was Jonny Dangerously hahaha). Long story short, I knew she was a girl from the beginning.

How is your sleeping schedule RIGHT now? Seriously. I need to know this. :) (Kiwis and Cocktails)
Haha, well... with the help of my mom it's not too, too bad. She eats about every 3 hours (when she's sleeping, more often when she's awake) so at night it goes something like this (this is only an example, the times when this occurs vary each night) 7pm-9pm we try to keep her awake, then sleep from 9-midnight. Midnight, she yells so I take her out to change her which takes oh, we'll say about 10 min, to keep even numbers... then I feed her for about 10-15min. Then I put her down and pee, the clean my nipple shield off to be ready for the next feeding so... 5 min. Then she is usually yelling so I pick her back up and lay down and we drift off so add another 5 or so min. So, we woke up at 12... and ended up steeled about 35 min later. So 1235, back to sleep, then she's usually ready to eat again around 3 (or basically, 3 hours from when we started last time). Some nights, she chooses a time where she judt wants to be awake (one night it was 3-5, another it was 5-7). When gramma and grampa were visiting, they spoiled me and she slept with them so all I had to do was feed her, then they took her back and my mom changed her (so spoiled, I am!). So while I may lay down at 10 or 11pm and get up around 9am, it is very patchy sleep. Luckily, she sleeps a lot during the day too, so I can get some good naps in. And like I said, my mom makes it much easier, so she'll take Ari and let me get a good nap in for a few hours when I need it bad. And now that she's started sleeping in her crib, it's getting easier. And I am definitely adjusting to this odd sleeping schedule... lol

What's the deal with alcohol and breastfeeding? (IRL)
I'm still trying to figure this one out. I know it's the same as alcohol and your blood, you just gotta wait it out til it's out of your blood stream before you feed again. And they say that 1-2 drinks is ok when your baby is this young, as often as they are eating. But I'm not sure the exact formula for later in life, like so many drinks = so many hours to wait. Hence why I'm stocking up on expressed milk for St. Patty's Day. It may be a month and a half away, but I'm going to be prepared.

Mr.P/Marine Corps/Military-esque

Where do you and Mr. P want to be in 10 years? (Mrs. G.I. Joe)
Wherever the Corps wants us to be I suppose. Mr. P told me from the very beginning he plans to do this a long time, so I'll be right there next to him! I think I'd like to have another child (or maybe 2 more... who knows) but it's hard for me to think in such large increments of time when things change from day to day sooo much (as I'm sure you can relate). I guess we just want to be together and happy and we're good to go! (Was that a cheap answer??)

Is your Hubby staying in the Marine Corps until he retires? (Mrs. Muffins)
He is indeed a "lifer." Like I said, he told me from the very beginning that his plan is to do this a long time, so I needed to make sure I was in for the long haul. He has all these plans though... different tracks he wants to take within the Corps, he's got a different plan every week. "We could do this..." kinda things. Which I think is really cool and may be one of the reasons he plans to stay in so long - there are so many opportunities and different routes you can go. And the security and benefits are nice, too.

How do you think marriage has been different than dating? (Kate)
I get benefits and am recognized more by the Marine Corps. :-P Ok, I know, I know; that's not what you were really asking, was it. Well, I've got a ton more responsibility since we've been married (and I'm not just talking about preggo/having a baby). I took it upon myself (because Mr. P is horrible with all things finance) to take charge of all our finances. Bills, balancing the check book, savings, etc. It was a big load to take on, especially since I was just learning to do it for myself, but I think I've pretty much mastered it. Pretty much. I also have the responsibility to make sure Mr. P does his best always (not that he doesn't) but I guess that's where "Nagging wife" stereotypes come from... now that we're married and I depend on him, and Ari depends on him, I am always making sure he is on top of his game (and when he slips and is not on top of it, I am on him like white on rice. And not in a happy way). He probably doesn't like this difference, but it just happened, because like I said, we depend on him. Also, living together in general was a big change. He swore up and down when we met how neat he was and how clean our house would be (he'd yell at me about my messy room and swear that our house would never be like that) and well... it wasn't true. We had to adjust to each other's lifestye quirks (like he doesn't fold his towel the way I WANT it folded, and I leave my clothes every where). And I guess we're just generally much more dedicated to each other. There's a committment to not only love and be faithful to one another, but to make sure the other is always doing their best, feeling good, getting all things taken care of, supporting one another... I don't mean it in a negative way but it's more work. Not work like we have to work to be happy but work in a sense that there are just added responsibilities in a marriage than when you're "just" dating. But in any case, I do love marriage, much more than dating, and I am so happy that I married the man I did :) (yeah, cheesie, I know. You're totally allowed to vom now).

When does Mr. P come home? (IRL)
I include this question, as I'm asked it on the reg. The truth of the matter is, even if I knew, I couldn't really tell you. So, the vague answer I stick to is "Late Summer... so they say." Because of OPSEC, even when he does tell me a date, I can't tell you. I can't do a ticker or anything fun like that. Boo. I have a date that I picked in my head, which is sometime in August, but it's a totally made up date that I just count down too because I know it will be generally "close" to when he's coming home. If it's sooner or later than the date I chose, I have no idea. I pray that it's sooner, that way when I find out he's coming home but I still have days left I can be all Oh HAPPY SURPISE instead of it going past the date I chose and then being like... Oh... sad... Regardless, when he's home, you will know it. I'm pretty sure my entire world will be aware ;-)

How does Mr. P feel about missing the birth (IRL)?
Yes, people have asked me this. I just have to say... How would you feel? He's dealing, and it's something we were prepared for. And although he was SUPER excited the day of her birth, he's been pretty bummed out about how much he's missing. I mean, obviously. But like I said, he's dealing. It's his job and we were prepared for it so we just kinda gotta... suck it up. Tough as nails, right?!

What do you find to be the positives and negatives of living in J-Ville? (Chelle)
Well, we don't live actually in J-Ville. I personally haaaate J-Ville haha. We live riiight outside of JVille in a town called Richlands. It's nice being outside of all the Marine Corps hub-bub. However, positives of living in JVille would be proximity to base (it takes the Mr quite a while to get on base and the traffic is horrendous), close to all things "in town" (the mall, the restaurants, the stores, etc.), and mmm... that's really all I got. Negatives I'd say would be TRAFFIC, I HATE driving in JVille, hubs calls it a sess-pool of bad driving, (all the bad driving habits from different areas of the US combined in one area), so much USMC in one place (I like having the support on base and what-not but sometimes being around it 24/7 you just want to breathe, where we live there are other Marines close by but we're not constantly surrounded). I guess those are my only major points. It's much quieter out where we live too (we're kind of in the middle of nowhere) but we spend a lot in gas because everything we basically need is either in JVille or on base, which is about 20 min from us.

Are you active in the KV (Chelle)?
For those non-Marine wives, KV is the Key Volunteer Network, where Marine Corps spouses get together and try to keep other spouses in the loop (generally speaking), basically the FRG for you Army ladies (at least that's what it used to be called, not sure if that's what they still call it...) Anyway, we don't actually have a KV anymore. Apparently, before I became a Marine wife, when the KV was still alive and kickin', they had a lot of issues with it. Women were gossiping, pulling rank, and there was no structure (this is all I hear about it, mind you I wasn't a part of it so I can't personally attest so therefore these are not my opinions on it). Anyway, so it was shut down and thus came the Family Readiness Network, which yes, I am proud to be a part of! The Family Readiness Network is a bit different from KV in that it is more structured and command-run. We are "governed" by the FRO (Family Readiness Officer) who is a trained and paid individual who "rules" over everything Family Readiness. Then each FRO Assistant has to attend a training. Training covers things including general topics like deployments, communication, USMC structure etc. as well as confidentiality, which was, apparently, a big issue with the KVN. I am indeed a Family Readiness Assistant, and was very active in it before hubby left (I like it because I've made my best friends down here through it and it helps me get some insider info, maybe not much and maybe not top secret, but enough that I came home and told hubby when the ball was when he didn't know ;-D) I only became less active because of my increasing pregnancy and then having a newborn. I honestly do think it is a great system and encourage all our wives to get involved, or at least know who our FRO is and how to reach her.

What's the best piece of advice you received as a military spouse? (Or if you didn't get any, what advice do you WISH you'd received?) (Lisa)
Oh, good question! Well, I've grown up military (kind of) my dad is now retired Army, so I had a bit of an idea of what I was getting into. But, my matron of honor in our wedding was my great friend from high school who also happens to be a Marine wife and she had this amazing speech she gave to us at the wedding that was full of lots of advice. I wish I could remember the whole thing (I have it on video but I'm way too lazy to go find it right now) but I think after she summed it all up the best advice I got was - No one said it'd be easy, but they did say it'd be worth it. And that's really the way you gotta think of it. It's not going to be easy. It's going to be the hardest damn thing you've ever done in your life. And people are going to ask you how you do it and why you do it and tell you they couldn't do it. But you do. Because it's worth it. And there really is nothing better. Oorah! ;-)

Me and my wonderful MOH

MISCELLANEOUS

What's one movie you can watch over and over again? (Mrs. G.I. Joe)
Clueless. I used to watch it all the time in high school... college... ok just in general. I still watch it when I need a lil cheering up, or if there's nothing on tv, or if the cable goes out...

Do you have any tattoos? Would you get any (more)? (Lisa)

I currently have two. The first one I ever got is three stars on the inside of my left wrist. I got this right after becoming an alum of my sorority, Phi Mu. It stands for "Love, Honor, Truth" which is the open motto of our sorority. It is also shaped like the 3 stars on our badge. The second I got when Mr. P went to get his tattoo. He had this big huge plan for a tattoo and I had only briefly thought of getting one. Upon mentioning this at the tattoo parlor, the receptionist said, Oh we've got an open artist for walk-ins if you want, so I was like yeah sure! Anyway, the tattoo is "Ceci Passera Aussi" on my left rib cage. This is French for "This too shall pass" (and if you're fluent in French and that's not what it is, I don't wanna know... I can keep on believing that the translator and the people I asked were correct, mmk?) Anyway, This Too Shall Pass has been a mantra in our household since I was little - whenever we hit a bad spot my mom would always say this. If I was sick, feeling down, whatever - This Too, Shall Pass! And hubby and I are both French so that's why I picked French. And I want MOOORE haha. I want some kind of moto tat (Marine Corps related) but I haven't decided what and whether it's the very best idea yet... I'm thinking maybe just a yellow ribbon?? And maybe something for Ariana. And I've always wanted a phoenix on my ribs (probably under the Ceci Passera Aussi) but I'm a chicken. And it'll be expensive.


What's the best book you've ever read? (Lisa)
Ok so when I was in like elementary school I read this book called "The Doll in the Garden" and I read it over and over and over and it's stuck with me ever since. I haven't read it in ages, but I still think about how awesome I thought it was. I guess I'd say that's the best book I've ever read since it has stuck with me all these years. Also, the Harry Potter books, hands down, are amazing.

A Toilet Seat. Seriously (Care Packages Galore Day 52!)

First, let me apologize for what a crap blogger I have been. We have just packed up and "moved" from NC to my parents house in MD. It's not a permanent thing, just an extended visit so I can continue to have a lil extra help while hubby's away. We'll be back and forth between our home and my parents for the next few months before settling back in to NC in May(ish). So with the new baby girl here and all the moving and craziness, blogging hasn't been a top priority, I'm truly sorry my loves! I have been reading all your wonderful posts tho even if I haven't been commenting as much as usual. Also, I'm going to post the answers from the Q&A on Monday, so if you haven't done so yet, head on back and ask me a question!

So, wow, 52 days we've been at this deployment thing! It feels like both "just yesterday" and "forever ago" that I last saw my Marine. I have been very fortunate lately in the fact that he's had pretty regular access to email so I get to talk to him often. I like it but I hate getting used to that kind of thing because then he moves or they lose comm or whatever and I don't hear from him for even a day and I panic. I have to remember to remain calm.

Recently, I sent hubby his second care package of this deployment (yes, only second, I've chosen to space them out. I had been sending him regular letters, but as I said above, life is just catching up to me and I haven't had much time for anything besides Ari these few weeks). One day, a week or so ago, when he called he told me there was one thing he could really use. Anything my dear, I told him. What was that thing?? Well, a toilet seat, of course! Yeah, I was pretty surprised when that was his answer, too. Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly?? Toilet seat!? Yup. He said where he's at he sits on basically a wooden box with a hole in it and "It pinches my ass" sooo a toilet seat would make his stay much more comfortable. He says also that members of the ANA don't sit on the "seat" provided, they instead stand on the box and squat over the hole (umm... gross.) so there's always mud and gross stuff (gag, gag, gag) on the box. So of course, due to hygeine concerns and my poor baby's ass, I went out an purchased a nice squishy toilet seat from WalMart. My dad had to help rig a box together to send it because all the boxes I had were either way too big or way too small so we had to modify one so it would be just right. The toilet seat is now on it's way to the sand box, and my husband will soon have the most pampered ass in the whole Corps. Told ya I was an awesome wife.

I am also preparing his Valentine's Day/Birthday Package. I am not going all out super awesome here's a ton of stuff, because whatever I send to him, he has to lug around the rest of the time over there. I've decided to bake some Snickerdoodles (his fave), send some more pics of Ari and myself, and maybe do up a lil calendar thing for him. Maybe. I guess we're just not big gift-y people. We never have been huge on gifts and it's fine by both of us. Maybe one day when we hit the lottery I'll buy him a leer jet or a small island or something to make up for it... Until then a toilet seat and snicker doodles will have to cut it.

Also, quick bloggy question - how do I get fancy writing with my name at the bottom of my post, or some other lil signature thang? I see a lot of you ladies have them and I want one. Now. Thanks :)

You Know You're a Marine Wife When...

*First, a note of business, please head to my last post and ask me some questions. I've seriously only gotten like 3 or 4, and don't want to look like a loser, come on people!*

My friend Tamara, a fellow Marine wife (of a deployed Marine as well) posted these on myspace and I just had to share them, I find them quite entertaining. My notes and additions are in pink.

You Know You're A Marine Wife When...

- You can roll his sleeves better than he can.
(hubs always rolls his own, neither he nor I think sloppily rolled sleeves are acceptable, and although I don't roll his for him I will call him out when they aren't done well :-P)

-You know to stay off base between 1130-1400, unless you absolutely can't help it
(at least don't try to go anywhere near a place with food. Also, don't try to get off base/out of JVille between 1630-1830 or on/into JVille 0400-0600)

-You know his "last four" better than your own.
(I have to think, hard, about what mine is.)

-You find yourself up at night doing his MCI's because he has to get up early and needs to rest.

-You get out your ID at Walmart without thinking about it.

-You've said, "Good to go", "Roger that", or "oorah" without noticing.
(Good to go is def one of my most used phrases... oops)

-It only costs you $25 to have a child
(umm... it was free. Oorah, Naval Hospital)

-You've had a dog named "Sergeant", "Scout", or "Chesty"
(Chesty Puller, if you're confused... look him up, he's got some great quotes)

-You've used a crooked-neck flashlight with a red lens during a power outage because it was the only one you can find.
(And now he has it with him, hence why my mom says "We're taking the trash out in the DAYLIGHT I'm not feeling my way to the street tonight!")

-You think his skivvy shorts are hot.
(I thought most wives, like myself, laughed at these silly little things. They're AWFUL!)

-At a distance, you can pick out your husband out of 100 men with the same clothes and haircut.
(By the way he walks!)

-You're more "moto" than he is
(He calls me a motard, he thinks I'm going to get a high and tight...)

-You know that "field day" has nothing to do with a field.
(Yeah and it needs to be done in this house... I'm a mess)

-You know the exact day he switches from deserts to woodlands and vice-versa.
(But he doesn't, hence why I was running on base with his greens at 5am the day they switched)

-You know the exact measurements of his ribbons and medals on his uniforms.
(Actually I don't, I let him take care of that I just check for straightness)

-You get chills when you hear the Marines Hymn Play.
(Or you randomly hum it during the day, especially when you're apart and particularly missing him more than usual)

-You know better than to go to the commissary on or the day after pay day.
(O Good Lord!)

-You know how to cut a "high and tight"

-You know what boot bands are and find them all over the house.
(I'm still finding random gear parts... 6 weeks after he's left...)

-You can pack his sea bag better than he can.
(I was such a packing list nazi when he was getting ready for deployment, seriously, I was awful - "Where is this, why don't you have that? Why is that packed at the bottom??")

-You know what "motomail" is, and it's your lifeline.
(While I know what it is and I try to use it, it is not my lifeline I am, so far, not impressed)

-You know to pull your car over and prepare for colors at the end of the day, if you're really moto you get out of the car

-The National Anthem and any USMC recruiter commercials make you tear up (especially the new one - many will hear the call, few will be chosen - OORAH!)

-You have made a nosedive for a phone call that came up on the caller ID as "Private Name Private Number" or better yet you've gotten out of the shower with full soap on because of a "Private Name Private Number" call


Ok now it's your turn, how do you know you're a Marine/Army/Military wife? Add them in the comments (participation ladies, you get special points for it ;-D )

Your Voice is the Soundtrack of My... Life (Day 36)

Finally, Finally, Finally!!! *Jumps up and down with excitement!*

Oh no, don't get too excited, I'm not in labor. Yet.

The other best thing, I got to talk to the hubbers two times today. Ooooorah!! It's like he knew I really just needed to hear him and know he was ok, and there he was. He's always got pretty great timing like that. First he called me at 3 this morning (I'd just gone to bed about a half hour before... oops) and I could baaarely hear him. It actually kind of upset me because the call was a total of 9 minutes and some odd seconds of mostly "What" and "Babe are you there?" 's. It wasn't like the line was static-y, it was just the volume made it so I could only just hear him. In my sleepy stupor I said to him, "Babe, are you there? Your voice is so little!" But that is the best way to describe how it sounded, just like a tiny voice coming through the phone. Luckily he called again around 1pm my time and I got 41 minutes and 44 seconds of uninterrupted hubby time! It was pretty fab, I gotta say. We got to catch up, he knows I'm still preggo but could have this little girl any minute. He told her to come on out. A friend of mine had a theory that she was waiting to hear from daddy to know that he's available to be contacted when the time comes and to know he's ok before making her debut, so maybe now that we know what's up with daddy she can continue on the great descent. Fingers crossed that's all it takes ;-) So thanks for everyone for the positive thoughts and prayers that I'd hear from him soon. He sounds good, very tired (says he's been working 18 hour days, ouch), but sounds like he's staying as positive as possible which is one thing I pride in both myself and in him, we just try to keep our spirits up. He's so amazing and I'm so proud of him, just to gush for a second.

In other news, walked the mall today and picked up both "The Last Song" and "Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks, as I've been hearing such rave reviews about both books and I always try to read the book before seeing the movie (although it doesn't always happen that way...) so I'll be reviewing those myself in the near future. Also visited the PX and the commissary today to pick up some necessities. During these trips I experienced a good deal of contractions here and there but of course nothing regular. Argh. I thought, Dear Uterus, that we had this conversation earlier in the week?! Get with it!! Mom has a feeling they may be telling me about a lot more progress at the appointment tomorrow and may just end up admitting me but we'll see, I'm not getting my hopes up. Her daddy reminded me of his stubbornness on the phone today, as to when she may decide to come. Her mama is impatient, her daddy is stubborn; could go either way - yikes.

We're watching American Idol (again) and there are another 2 points I'd like to make tonight (I really don't typically watch this show, as I said before I think it's getting a bit "played out" but hey it's on and I like laughing at people so... whatevs) 1. Mary J. Blige is rude and I just do not like her personality on the show at all. 2. I loved Guitar Girl's voice, I thought she rocked that song, regardless of her ridiculous outfit.

Alright that's all my 38 weeks preggo self has got for now, sorry if it was just rambling about the hubs and the baby but, hey, that's my life these days! Hope ya'll had a fantastic hump day ;-)

The One Month Post

Today marks a whole month since my hubby left for the land of the sand. I've made it a WHOLE month. Pat on the back.

And in this month, with impending labor, and wishing I could speed it along I am realizing...


I have not had sex in a month. Yikes. Insert SUPER sad face here. And sex, which is supposed to help speed up labor, is obviously not an option. And it's going to be such a long time before I get to indulge again. Again... sad face. Not to sound like a pervo but... I mean, sex with my hubby is wonderful and I miss it. So there ya go, TMI in the life of The P's.

In other, non perverted news, Baby Girl's room is set up (kinda). She's got sheets on her bed... she's got her changing table set up, the glider is put together, the stroller is put together... we got lots done today - yay us (me and mom, we're quite the team). It actually looks (somewhat) like a nursery. There aren't decorations up or anything because we're moving so much, once we get into the new house it will be phenom and she'll have the prettiest nursery on the block. Promise.

Also, I packed my bag today. I bet your wondering, Mrs. P, at 37 weeks pregnant, why hadn't you done the nursery or packed your bag yet? And the only answer I can give to that is... well... I'm a procrastinator. In my defense I was running around getting stuff ready for the Mr's deployment as well as shuffling between houses and preparing for the holidays, but excuses aside, I'm a procrastinator. Now that everything's done, Baby P is most likely going to take her sweet time... ugh.

I am experiencing some irregular contractions this evening, but nothing really noteworthy. My very dear friend Mags and her two beautiful babies are coming to visit me and she wanted to make sure I was still preggo when she visited, so hopefully right after Mags sees me Miss Thang will be like Ok, did Mags a favor now I can hop out! Hahaha... here's to wishful thinking.

Is it January Yet?

I can't believe it is still December. I have not even made it through one month yet and it feels like it's been years since I've kissed my hubs. Argh, come on January, come on 2010, come on baby, come on summer!!! Sometimes I really do wish there were a fastforward button, at least for the very little remaining part of this year, I'm getting anxious!

I got a phone call this evening. Do you realize just how much someone's voice can change your day? I hadn't been having a bad day, it had just been a couple days since we'd talked so I was really aching just for the voice (never mind the touch) of my hubs. He sounded so very tired (it was about 3am his time so I can only imagine how exhausted he was) but it was wonderful to hear his voice. He even sang to me, that "Kiss Me Through the Phone" song. We used to sing it to each other when he was gone on training exercises. It made me giggle. :) I love when he sings to me. When he first PCSed to NC and I was still in MD, we would call each other late at night and he would sing me to sleep. I thought it was rough being separated then, man I didn't know nothin'!

Also, I have realized I have not even started any of my deployment goals. I'm a total slacker. Learning languages, reading books, learning new skills. I've been napping and running errands, those are my days. Buuut in my defense, it's not like I don't have lots to do to get ready for Miss Thang and I totally have a sufficient reason for napping (unlike when I was in college and napped all the time. At least now I can blame it on something -other than too much drinking- or someone rather).

I've been thinking a lot about career choices again lately. It was brought to my attention by one of my mom's girl scout 'friends' (I use that term lightly) that I have a degree and am using it to make babies and be a wife. I had a friend call me in a slight frenzy one night over nearly the same thing, she feels her career and academic achievements had been put somewhat on the way-side. Here we are, degree holding women doing what? She at least has a job, a very admirable one in my opinion, helping less-than-fortunate families. I worked in a daycare. Not that daycare work isn't fun and rewarding, it just has nothing to do with my degree and just about "anyone" can do it (although I'd like to see some people try, it ain't easy!). I assured her though, as I had to assure myself earlier when I was thinking about it, that not everyone can do what we do. Not everyone can pack their lives up for someone they love, move hours away from what they know and live a totally new lifestyle. Not anyone can give 100% of their full support and loyalty into someone who is gone more often than home. Not everyone can learn the ways of the Marine Corps life and commit to all that is expected of them. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's not like I'm a stay at home wife to some wealthy typhoon, this isn't exactly the easy life. And while it may seem like I do "nothing" to some, I'd like to see them walk a minute in my shoes and not say that what we, as Marine Corps (and other military) wives do is hard work. That being said, I still want to pursue my own career and my own dreams. The hardest part in doing that for me right now is still deciding what I want to do. Why it's such a tough decision, I don't know. I've thought about teaching, about doing therapy work of some sort and just the other day I told my mom I wanted to go to school to be a vet. That's where I have trouble. There are so many things that interest me I can't choose just one. Maybe part of the reason I haven't started any of my deployment goals just yet, I have too much fun dreaming about things I could be doing instead of actually getting them done... Is this lack of motivation? I don't really know for sure. I know I'm going to do something I've just gotta decide what it is. And besides, I'm already doing the best jobs in the world. I'm a wife and I'm damn good at it, and I'm about to be a mom, from what I understand THE single hardest job in the universe. A job that is never done. Ever. So I guess for now I'll just be content with the jobs God has given me and keep dreaming of what I do until I make some sort of decision... And I am gonna get started on those deployment goals... eventually ;-)

Minor Meltdown (Day 18)

I've been doing good. I've been doing much better than I expected. But sometimes, I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep until the summer. Or at least until I go into labor.

I try to play it off on hormones, but sometimes I am just sad. I wish I could always be tough (as nails). My motto has been be strong for my Marine. I don't want to feel sad, I want to feel good and keep on keeping on. I promised him no moping. He made sure I would not mope. I stay upbeat in my letters and on the phone. I find it inexcusable to let him know I am having a hard time ever, he needs to stay focused on his mission and not worry about me here. The more focused he is, the easier it will be for him. My goal is for him to be safe and come home to me 100%.

But sometimes, I am just sad. Hormones, deployment... put it all together and it can be overwhelming at times. And I can cry for no reason. Last night I was a bit upset because I miss my home in NC, but it doesn't really feel like home without him there and I got thinking that when I'm in NC I miss my home in MD which is not so home-y without him either. I deduced that I do not, currently, have a home. As home is where the heart is and my heart is in a war-torn land thousands of miles away from me. Thinking of it that way makes it really rough, and I need to take time to remember that I do have a home, two actually, and there are people here and people in NC who love and support me. Today the crying came really from nowhere, part of the reason I blame it mostly on hormones. I'd had a fine day, running errands and doing some returns and getting a not-so-awesome pedicure with mom. But then when we were back I was sitting there and I just felt... unhappy... weighted. Heavy.

I know that this is perfectly ok. With everything going on in my life, it is perfectly acceptable to have meltdowns, moments, times to be upset. And I know that all in all I am doing a damn good job. I think part of the hardship comes, too, from hearing from him 3 times in 2 days and then nothing today. It's only one day, but when I don't hear from him after hearing from him regularly, 'just one day' can feel like a lifetime.

I also feel slightly useless here. I know I could help around the house, clean, etc. but I don't really want to. I don't know what I want to do. In NC, before the majority of my friends left to go home, I was busy everyday. Going out to lunches, taking random road trips to visit friends who live a little farther from JVille, doc appointments, just keeping busy. I haven't been so great at keeping busy since I've been home. I think I'm ready to be back at my own home, preparing for baby's arrival, getting last minute things together. I also know that the sooner I am back home, the closer to baby's arrival we'll be. I go back home on the 5th of January, so we'll be in full-on countdown mode by then, it just feels right now that the 5th of January is decades away.

Speaking of which, today, 27 Dec, marks one month until I'm due. A whole separate reason for thousands of emotions. I'm so excited and ready for her to finally be here (and frankly, ready to not be preggo anymore!). I'm nervous as all get out to be a mom (hello, I'm responsible for a-whole-nother person!). I'm incredibly sad that Mr. P is not here to witness his daughter's arrival into the world and to meet her. It breaks my heart that she will be 7 or so months old before he can meet her, and thinking of how he must feel about this, cuts a little deeper - if it breaks my heart it must shatter his. A whirlwind of emotions, I can only imagine how it'll be on her actual birth day.

Sorry for such a long and emotional post, I typically try to keep them light and upbeat, but sometimes I just need to pour my heart out. I miss my husband deeply, I'm 9 months pregnant, and I have heartburn, I think I deserve a little bit of an emotional release.

I will continue my whole hearted attempts at staying positive. I hope you all continue to have a faboosh weekend.

I'm Not Sleeping (Doesn't Mean I Don't Wanna Be)

Why can't I sleep?! If you say "because you're blogging" well you are just some-witty, aren't you? But seriously, I've been just laying here for a while now. It's not like I don't want to be sleeping. I've got a day jam-packed with travel tomorrow, and should be well-rested so I can 1. Find the train station and 2. Figure out how exactly to get on my train and all that jazz. But alas, I'm just here, hangin out...

I think part of it is the smell. There's this weird smell that creeps through this area, mostly at night and the wee hours of the morning. I remember in the early, early days of my pregnancy it would send me into hormonal rage. The smell makes me feel sick and head-achey and then I would get angry that there was this smell that was taunting me that I could do nothing about. I'm beginning to feel that way again, especially when I woke up with a pounding head and way strong smell this morning. I asked a neighbor if they had any idea what it was and she seemed clueless, said it might be the water treatment plant nearby... but to me it smells like burny-plasticy-rubbery yuck smell. Not like doo-doo or anything. I don't know.

And of course the other obvious part is that Mr. P isn't here and let's be realistic, how many of you really sleep well when your husbands are gone? It's part of marriage, you don't sleep when your other half is absent. Also, I didn't get a call from him tonight. Not that I have been every night, but he mentioned calling me again today last time we talked so I kind of expected it and it never happened. For the most part, I try to block out exactly where he is and what he's doing, but sometimes it creeps in and it makes me scared/anxious/sad. Trying not to think about it, but clearly it's been on the backburner, simmering in my mind tonight. I miss him oh, so much.

Funny story... Last night I got to talk to him online (I can't believe I didn't tell you this story yet!) we were chatting on facebook and he had to get off (they get 1/2 hour on the computer and 1/2 hour on the phone) and he was waiting for a phone to call me. Knowing that waiting for the phone can take a while, I kept doing what I was doing and just toted the phone with me. Took the trash out, did the dishes... I needed to take a shower. So I decided to go for it. Shampoo? Check. Conditioner applied? Check. Body soaped? Check. RIIIIIIING. Conditioner in hair, soap on body... JUMP out of shower. I tried to put it on speaker phone while I toweled off the soap and just put my conditioner-drenched hair in a towel but it failed, so there I stood, toweling off and robing up while holding the phone talking to hubs. But seriously, when your hubby calls from halfway around the world and you haven't talked to him in any number of time, are you really gonna take the time to rinse? Nope. I enjoyed our 1/2 hour of conversation and then of course jumped back into the shower and rinsed off... I think being able to smoothly and quickly exit a shower while pregnant and covered in soap is one accomplishment that really needs to be acknowledged though. Go Me.

If only I had a shower phone like this guy....

I really wish I heard from him tonight. Bleh. I hate the days/nights that I don't... they make the day seem so much loooonger. Well I suppose I really should try to catch some zzz's...
Night all (or should I say Morning??)

And for anyone who wants to know, Baby Girl currently has the hiccups :)