First, I want to encourage everyone on blogger to please, please PLEASE make sure your settings are so I can respond to you via email if you leave me a comment. I love responding back to people but lately I haven't been able to respond to many because it comes up "No-reply" and that makes me sad. But because a couple people had some pretty good questions, I'm using this post to reply to two comments I recently got, that maybe others are wondering as well.
Mrs. Y and ArmyWife88, this post is for you!
Mrs. Y commented about the Pampered Chef Party I'm hosting on Saturday, "If you give me the link (and it can be shipped to me) I will buy something from your party. I live in Norfolk and getting married on Friday and can't make the drive down. Saturday we are doing Fleet week here (no not part of our honeymoon we are waiting for that)."
I would love love love if anyone interested wanted to order online. The link is: www.pamperedchef.biz/maggi
ArmyWife88 left a comment with a question I thought was very interesting, a little bit deep, and I have no problem addressing, "I was just wondering if it was weird to go from calling you're spouse husband to calling your new spouse boyfriend? I hope this doesn't come off as rude just curious :) Love the pics by the way!!"
Definitely doesn't come off as rude, at least not to me. I'm pretty open when it comes to things like this, and I like to share my experiences, so feel free to ask away (and if/when someone asks something that is rude, don't worry, I'll let ya know). Anyway, the short answer to the question is Yes. I was, of course, a girlfriend and then a fiancee before I was a wife. But the last thing I was was a wife. Going back to girlfriend was definitely a weird jump. Especially, for me anyway, in the military life. As many of the significant others know, a girlfriend or fiancee to someone in the military doesn't really amount to much whereas the spouse is "more important" by so many eyes (not always fair, but let's face it, that's typically how it goes). When I was the girlfriend/fiancee to Jonathan, I could barely get any information unless it was via Jonny and even then they (they being his command, not inclusive to him) didn't want to keep me in the loop very much. But I found once we were married it changed and I had much more access to information and support. I know that Family Readiness does support any kind of SO but I didn't really know that before because it wasn't really made known to Jonathan when I was "just" his fiancee. Now being Z's girlfriend, it's kind of the same thing, I don't really know what's going on unless I ask Z. The difference this time though, is that I'm not as invested in it. I'm sure some people are going to take this wrong and it's certainly nothing against Z but it's kind of a "been there, done that" type attitude. I've already been a wife, I already know what goes on, I've already done all that and I don't quite have the desire to be as involved as I once was, as far as his battalion goes. I certainly still like to be involved in military causes, more so now on the widow end, but when it comes to his work I'm just kind of like ehh he'll let me know when things are important. Also, he's getting out (terminal leave likely to start this week or Monday!!!) so it's not like there's anything really to be involved in anymore.
As far as just the terminology, it is weird saying boyfriend again too. Sure, I wasn't a wife for that long (he died when we'd been married 10 months) but once you're a wife, you expect to be a wife forever and that to be your last title. No one expects to again become girlfriend. I am surprised that I don't really slip with it though, don't accidentally call Z the "H word." That's probably because when I think "Husband" I think Jonathan. Period. Maybe one day that will change and I'm sure that will be a new obstacle in and of itself but for now, Jonny's the husband, Z is the boyfriend and boy when I talk about the both of them interchangeably in public the looks I get! Haha.
So there ya have it, a little Q and A with Mrs P. If there's anything you might be wondering, please don't hesitate to ask. Also, I'm working on a widow resources list (I know I have the inspiration quotes, but this is going to be resources and support) because I am often asked questions like "How do I help my friend go through this time?" or approached by 'newer' widows and I'd really like to have something put together that I can direct people to in order to help those starting this journey, so stay tuned for that.
Happy Hump Day everyone!