05 October 2011

Some Responses

Hey there frans.
First, I want to encourage everyone on blogger to please, please PLEASE make sure your settings are so I can respond to you via email if you leave me a comment. I love responding back to people but lately I haven't been able to respond to many because it comes up "No-reply" and that makes me sad. But because a couple people had some pretty good questions, I'm using this post to reply to two comments I recently got, that maybe others are wondering as well.
Mrs. Y and ArmyWife88, this post is for you!

Mrs. Y commented about the Pampered Chef Party I'm hosting on Saturday, "If you give me the link (and it can be shipped to me) I will buy something from your party. I live in Norfolk and getting married on Friday and can't make the drive down. Saturday we are doing Fleet week here (no not part of our honeymoon we are waiting for that)."


I would love love love if anyone interested wanted to order online. The link is: www.pamperedchef.biz/maggiekeelty and just click on "Shop Online" and enter me as your hostess (Rachel Porto). Thanks to any and every one who makes online orders! It gets shipped directly to your home, a neat thing about Pampered Chef, so you don't have to worry about me shipping it and finding out where you live! MWAH HA HA (kidding) but fo-reals, if you're interested, there's how you can do a little easy shoppy-shoppy and help me get some cool free stuff for hosting a party and help out my girl Maggie!

ArmyWife88 left a comment with a question I thought was very interesting, a little bit deep, and I have no problem addressing, "I was just wondering if it was weird to go from calling you're spouse husband to calling your new spouse boyfriend? I hope this doesn't come off as rude just curious :) Love the pics by the way!!"


Definitely doesn't come off as rude, at least not to me. I'm pretty open when it comes to things like this, and I like to share my experiences, so feel free to ask away (and if/when someone asks something that is rude, don't worry, I'll let ya know). Anyway, the short answer to the question is Yes. I was, of course, a girlfriend and then a fiancee before I was a wife. But the last thing I was was a wife. Going back to girlfriend was definitely a weird jump. Especially, for me anyway, in the military life. As many of the significant others know, a girlfriend or fiancee to someone in the military doesn't really amount to much whereas the spouse is "more important" by so many eyes (not always fair, but let's face it, that's typically how it goes). When I was the girlfriend/fiancee to Jonathan, I could barely get any information unless it was via Jonny and even then they (they being his command, not inclusive to him) didn't want to keep me in the loop very much. But I found once we were married it changed and I had much more access to information and support. I know that Family Readiness does support any kind of SO but I didn't really know that before because it wasn't really made known to Jonathan when I was "just" his fiancee. Now being Z's girlfriend, it's kind of the same thing, I don't really know what's going on unless I ask Z. The difference this time though, is that I'm not as invested in it. I'm sure some people are going to take this wrong and it's certainly nothing against Z but it's kind of a "been there, done that" type attitude. I've already been a wife, I already know what goes on, I've already done all that and I don't quite have the desire to be as involved as I once was, as far as his battalion goes. I certainly still like to be involved in military causes, more so now on the widow end, but when it comes to his work I'm just kind of like ehh he'll let me know when things are important. Also, he's getting out (terminal leave likely to start this week or Monday!!!) so it's not like there's anything really to be involved in anymore.

As far as just the terminology, it is weird saying boyfriend again too. Sure, I wasn't a wife for that long (he died when we'd been married 10 months) but once you're a wife, you expect to be a wife forever and that to be your last title. No one expects to again become girlfriend. I am surprised that I don't really slip with it though, don't accidentally call Z the "H word." That's probably because when I think "Husband" I think Jonathan. Period. Maybe one day that will change and I'm sure that will be a new obstacle in and of itself but for now, Jonny's the husband, Z is the boyfriend and boy when I talk about the both of them interchangeably in public the looks I get! Haha.

So there ya have it, a little Q and A with Mrs P. If there's anything you might be wondering, please don't hesitate to ask. Also, I'm working on a widow resources list (I know I have the inspiration quotes, but this is going to be resources and support) because I am often asked questions like "How do I help my friend go through this time?" or approached by 'newer' widows and I'd really like to have something put together that I can direct people to in order to help those starting this journey, so stay tuned for that.

Happy Hump Day everyone!

21 comments:

  1. I am honoured you answered my question! I absolutely LOVE your blog and I am not going to lie I am a little jealous. I wish my blog was half as good as yours. I look forward to reading more!! You are a true inspiration and from what I can tell a wonderful woman!!

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  2. I can never comment under my blog name (unless this one goes through of course) and I wasn't sure why. I "follow" your blog but I didn't know if there was something else I needed to do. I'm not very tech-y. And also, how do you enable settings to respond via email? Maybe mine are, I don't know! Anyway, just trying the comment thing because I've tried before and couldn't. Love reading your blog. You are such a strong, positive woman!

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  3. I can never comment under my blog name and I wasn't sure why (I think I just tried and it wouldn't let me. Sorry if I did comment twice though!). I "follow" your blog but I didn't know if there was something else I needed to do. I'm not very tech-y. And also, how do you enable settings to respond via email? Maybe mine are, I don't know! Anyway, just trying the comment thing because I've tried before and couldn't. Love reading your blog. You are such a strong, positive woman!
    Holly
    www.hlewy.blogspot.com

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  4. The link to the pampered chef party isn't working. Would love to order :D

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  5. Thank you!! I will order something :) Saw my answer on FB too.

    I would just like to say I love that you haven't forgotten Jonathan because yes you were not married long. You have a child together yes. But I know, not to be mean, other wives would move on. You are the one person when I think I just can't do this I think of. That when I have a bad day and am crying I just think of Mrs. P. And if Mrs. P could go through all of what she did and hold her head up high, even with running mascara, then I can do this.

    If you watched Rebirth you will see someone who was engaged and lost her man in 9/11. She later dates someone and he asks her to marry him. She says what about Sergio's ring. And he lets her keep it, wear it. Cause he respects that. Z respects that in you. Have no worries. Jonathan will always be your husband. Z knows that or so I hope.

    Oh I don't know how to do email reply. I'll look into it.

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  6. My blogger profile won't attach to the comments unless they are the popout type. BUT you know how to find me on fb... :)

    I love pampered chef. I'm trying to decide if I need anything. Our new kitchen is soooo small... but i need good stuff... my... uh... dating anniversary is coming up (we still celebrate those! It will be TEN YEARS in less than a month) so feel free to gift me whatever! ahhahahahahahaha!!!! :) Just kidding... or not. lol!!!

    Yay terminal leave!!!! Those orders are the best. When David got his I remember I was at the nex/gas station buying us new shirts because we had just finished packing the moving truck and were SWEATY!!!! lol :)

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  7. I love your blog, I can't imagine going through what you did but if I had to I hope I would have 1/2 the strength you do...

    With an upcoming deployment, I'll be glued to all the blogs, reading about everyone else's life, while trying to manage mine. <3

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  8. It is awesome that you found someone so understanding that you are still grieving some (in a different way of course).

    I am not trying to be rude in any way so please do not take offense, but i was wondering how you can afford to go on so many trips? You always seem to be away so it was just a thought i had. It really isn't any of my business, but i was curious.

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  9. I love your stinky face! That is all.

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  10. I love your blog! It is wonderful. You may not know it but you are so strong! You are going to go far in life and your husband and boyfriend should be very proud of you! I am so glad I came across your blog because even though I did not loose my husband we are going through very rough times with PTSD & TBI. So thank you. You show me that I can over come what I am going through just by taking it day by day. Thank you!

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  11. Thanks for always being honest and transparent. I know your openness has helped a lot of people.

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  12. I absolutly love reading your blog! I have been volunteering with widow, am a military wife (Husband just got home from another 15 months) but never have I even assumed to understand however reading your blog opens conversation about life that most would not approach.

    Thank you for that

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  13. I love how open and honest you are!

    I love hearing about every aspect of your life and seeing how you've grown and what you are able to accomplish :D

    You are so thoughtful to create resources to help widows, and friends of widows!!! :D

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  14. Sorry to use your blog as a guinea pig! But I got a new browser to see if I could finally comment on people's blogs. So just testing this out and seeing what it says when I try to comment. Thanks!

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  15. Hi! I became a "war widow" on August 1st of this year, I was wondering if you could write me and maybe we could talk? I am currently pregnant with our third child and would just like to have someone who has been through this. I changed my settings, so you should be able to email me back if you want to.
    Thanks,

    Mary

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  16. You rock Rach and the helpful list would be awesome too (no more facebook messages from me-LOL Jody)

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  17. i came across your blog a few minutes ago, and in those few minutes i have become so inspired. i am a newlywed to a marine. your story is just so incredible. i have sat here and cried about it. you are such a strong woman and really, no one should ever go through anything like you have. i wouldnt know what to do with myself if i have lost my husband and we have been together since my 7th grade year. i cant wait to see your other and upcoming blogs.

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  18. Thank you for posting the pampered chef link. It has been a while since I ordered items, and between recently graduated college kids needing stuff, and Christmas coming up, and needing to replace some kitchen items---you make it easy. I ordered over $60 worth, so I hope it helps you! Take care, Joyce in Texas

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  19. "Jonny's the husband, Z is the boyfriend and boy when I talk about the both of them interchangeably in public the looks I get! Haha."

    I chuckled a bit at this part. That was very cool of you to answer that question so in depth. I'm glad that you are so involved in things and seem to be pretty upbeat. Hope for the best for you and Z on the journey back into the civilian world.

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Hey guys, you must now have some sort of ID to comment. I'm sorry for any inconvenience but the spam was out of control! I still want to hear your thoughts, if you can't figure out the open ID thing, feel free to send me an email, Jewell.Rachel@gmail.com!