Widow Weekend


This past weekend, I headed down to Tybee Island, Georgia for a widow retreat sponsored by the American Widow Project, as mentioned in my last post.
Since traveling back up to Maryland with the family, I've had time to reflect a little on that retreat and what I gained from it.
The first thing I gained was a sense of normalcy. That's right folks - I'm pretty on the "normal" side of things, as far as being a widow goes. What exactly does that mean? Well, it means that everyone goes through things differently. We all feel, think, and do things at different times. However, many of the things we think, feel, do and experience... someone else has thought, felt, done, experienced the same damn thing and sometimes even at the same stage in the journey. I learned that so many widows have been disappointed by people in our lives. I kept blaming myself for how little contact I have with people who'd been there every day "before" and I realized, it's not me. I didn't do anything wrong. I was plunged into this situation, certainly one that I never asked for, never would have asked for, and some people just can't handle it. Luckily, there are people who can. I learned even more to be thankful for what I still have and to live life as it is now. To accept new friendships and not always try to blame myself or ask what I'm doing wrong if things aren't peachy. I also learned that sometimes, it's ok to feel. I realized that I've been blocking out a lot of my pain and sadness, I try to just keep being me without letting the grief come. Sure, I let it come, sometimes, like at night when I'm alone and it sneaks in or sometimes when I've had a little too much to drink, but I've learned that it is ok and even healthy to let that grief in. The longer you try to hide from it, the more it's going to hunt you down and it's going to hit double time later. I learned that it's ok to cry in public if you have to and you don't always have to be tough, especially not in front of your widow friends. That it's totally acceptable to be "the sad girl" and when you're with your widow friends, there's nothing to worry about because we're all "the sad girl."

All in all, I had an outstanding time and I met some very, very awesome women. I laughed, I cried, I shared, I listened. I got overly excited and interrupted. I stayed silent. I nodded in agreement. I asked questions. I made friends. I learned. I grew.

The first full day there, was a day of water fun. A group of us went jet skiing, and while we were on the skis some dolphins were swimming around. We were so close it was surreal. I may or may not have squealed like a little girl. My friend Ally saved me with her heiny at one point because I was totally headed right off the ski, over her shoulder, head first. Thanks Ally! Then we went parasailing. I've been before, but it never gets old. It is just so relaxing and peaceful. Ally and I went up together, and as she bumped against the dude putting her harness on (we were on a moving boat), she said hey you could at least buy me a drink first! So, he slides us a beer and up in the sky we went with a beer to sip while sailing through the air. It was definitely pretty tits, to say the least. That night we went on a haunted pub tour in downtown Savannah. Our guide wasn't the best so we decided to skip out early. We ended up at a dueling piano bar where they ended up pulling us up on stage and sang God Bless the USA. Wanna talk about tear jerker? I did everything in my power to not lose it in front of the entire bar (I'm still working on the being able to cry in public thing, ok?). There were a couple songs that were tough for me, and at one point my friend Diane must have just read the expression on my face (and I thought I was doing a good job hiding it) and came right over. It blows my mind that more than once someone knew exactly what I was feeling. I had a bit of a rough night but people were there sitting with me through it, reminding me that I not only CAN do this, but I WILL do this, and they were all living proof. I was the earliest one out, as far as since my husband's passing, 5 months. There were women from all time frames, 10 months, a year, a couple years, 5 years, 7 years, and it was great being around all those different time frames to show, Hey, they're still here, they're still living. Does it still hurt? Yup. Does it still suck? Certainly. But are they doing it, and making the best with the hand they were dealt? Yes, they are, and I will too.

The last day we were there we let off Thai Wish Lanterns. It was truly magical watching my wishes float up to the Heavens. I watched it until it was just a speck and then nothing. I like to think that when I couldn't see it anymore, that's when Jonny cupped it in his hands. All the widows made such amazing wishes, and I could agree with every single one of them. We also celebrated the 2 year mark of when I met Jonny. My roommate Allison's husband's birthday was a couple days before the retreat and Jonny and I's 2 years since we met was that weekend, so we were surprised with red velvet cream pies (our wedding cake flavor... go figure) and trick candles. We each told the memory of our special day (me - the day I met Jonny, her - her favorite bday memory of Michael) and enjoyed our cakes wedding style - cake face smashing and all.
Now I'm in widow withdrawal. I miss being with people who "get it" all the time. People who can see your expression and not only know what you're thinking but feel it too, because at one time or another, they've felt it themselves.



God Bless the American Widow Project, and all the amazing military widows I've had the pleasure of meeting and will meet in the future.

Forever and Ever, Babe. *HEART* You Stink!


PS If you haven't done so, please check out Bubba's Belly Run and considering registering or donating!

25 comments

  1. I love you Momma Stink! I wish we had more time together. I love you girl. I cannot wait to get my widow fix with you soon. :) I miss you sooo much!

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  2. It sounds and looks like you had an incredible time. I'm so glad. You deserve it! And I just love that you have other women in your life who really "get it" and can be there for you in a capacity none of us really can. xoxo

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  3. I didn't know that you knew Allison! Her and I used to be neighbors. She's a pretty awesome gal! I do miss her here at Camp P. Glad to see you had fun; all of you.

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  4. I'm seriously amazed you were able to sing that song, I cried thinking about singing it. I'm so glad you had this weekend!!! So glad you were with women in the different time frames!!! So glad that hurricane earl wasn't anywhere near this time that you had!! Lil jealous of the parasailing with the beer as that's just awesome!!

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  5. Sounds like an amazing organization and an amazing event!

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  6. Looks like a great weekend! I've never been parasailing - freaks me out! :) You are so beautiful - inside and out!

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  7. that is beautiful. I'm so glad you were able to experience it.

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  8. OMGosh...I am so glad that you went! That just made my heart so happy for you that you actually felt "normal" for at least a weekend. No one can understand your life, except you! No judgements from others, only pure passion and love from all your fellow widows. I am so proud of you! You are such a "REAL" person, and I am so happy that I get to call you my real life friend! Love you girlie!!!!!

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  9. I'm sooooo glad you were able to be with people that honestly know what you're going through.

    Its that feeling of being "got" that is wonderful!!!

    TWO years!!!! Wow... Happy Anniversary!!!

    David and I still still fully celebrate the day we started dating... lmao... I'm tellin' ya, I'm a nerd!

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  10. I just found your blog on the Kitchen Dispatch and wasn't going to comment, but... here I am. Have not been through what you have been through, but grief is... grief. That you are writing about yours is a good thing.... That you are sharing it with people who understand is better. Sadness and grief make a lot of people uncomfortable and that is something they must overcome. All I can say is keep writing and keep sharing. As for crying in public? Just go for it. Don't wait 5 or 10 years.

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  11. Sounds like a very uplifting weekend for you. Glad you could go.

    Already bought my flag...

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  12. Wow, what a touching story! It brought tears to my eyes. Even from the start with the picture of the widows. I'm glad you were able to spend time with ladies that "get you"! Your in my thoughts and Prayers!

    ~Alicia

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  13. That sounds like great getaway for you. So glad that you felt a sense of normalcy and got to be around people that got you. Keep on keeping on sista!

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  14. Oh Rachel, I'm so glad that you had such an uplifting experience at that retreat. It seems like you had fun and had a lot of time to reflect and gain a lot of insight from other widows. That must have been such a blessing to be able to go there. I'm glad you felt better being there <3

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  15. I'm so very, very glad you were able to find a group to connect with like that. I'm sure it was amazing to be able to finally have people that really understand what you're going through.

    I follow your blog religiously, but never know what to say except my heart breaks for you. I've cried many times reading your blog because I am so touched by your story, I cannot even explain.

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  16. Wow! What an incredible weekend! Any chance your roommate was Allison from http://nostarallieandmike.blogspot.com/ ? I was reading her blog this morning and realized you both did very similar things! Of course, it could all just be coincidence.

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  17. I am so glad you had a wonderful time! Hope you are able to get together with them again soon.

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  18. amazing! i'm so glad you were able to participate and have some fun. it's nice to see you smile in the pics :)

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  19. Hey, I just stumbled onto your blog today...and I just needed to tell you that you are an amazing and incredibly strong woman. I am also a young military wife and although my husband hasn't deployed, with the special op unit he is in he will undoubtedly will multiple times. I read some of your posts and i cried. I can't imagine what you have gone through, currently are going through and will continue to go through. my heart goes out to you and your beautiful daughter. both of you are in my thoughts.

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  20. It sounds like you had an amazing weekend and really had time to be you. Thanks for sharing it:) BTW, love the pic of you eating the cakes;)

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  21. Very beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. Sending you a big ((((hug))))

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  22. You're welcome Rachel love :)
    I'm so glad I got to spend the weekend with you too.

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  23. I'm so glad you were able to have a great weekend with other women who understand the situation you are having to deal with and the things you are going through. It is very important to know that you are not alone in this.

    I'm also glad you were able to get a little more insight into your "friends." Unfortunately, some people just don't know what to say in these instances. They just don't know how to handle it. So through no fault of yours...or theirs...they drift away from you. But this opens more doors for more friends that you may not have met otherwise.

    Though I wish you didn't have to go through any of this, I'm glad you were able to have this weekend. This is just another great step for you to take. xoxoxoxo

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  24. So glad you were able to experience one of these weekends!! <3 It definitely re-energizes you! Love seeing the pictures- hope we get to meet soon!!

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  25. I am really curious to know why people you have been friends with for...Years/Months etc. decide not to continue the friendship??? I have found in my 25 years..(LOL)on this earth, when someone needs you, YOU STEP UP!!!! End of Story! I wasn't aware that your "Tragedy" was about them....in any way, shape or form. Thank god for these woman who are able to relate to you. And as always, I am also here for you when you need to vent!!!! Semper Fi

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