Emotional Zombism

Ah another "Mrs. P term"
Definition: When you have been so emotionally drained that you become a zombie. You can't really feel your body any more, every part of you is tired and exhausted even though you haven't done anything, well, except cry.

Yesterday was tough. I re-opened some wounds by talking to some people and hearing some stuff about the accident. I learned more about the accident and his injuries. It was so very hard. Even though most the stuff I already knew, there were a few things that were just hard to process. When I got home I felt like I wasn't even real. Like my body would just dissolve at any moment because so much had been sucked out already. Luckily, I've got an amazing nanny/sitter/whatever you want to call her and she stayed the whole day so I could recuperate. I slept for 4 hours. I always completely crash out after emotional times and I'm glad that she was there so that I could do just that. Recharge. I got up around 4 and played with the babes for a little while; I'd felt so bad for being MIA during the day but she was still happy to see me. I started her dinner and then got ready for dance. I wasn't going to not go to my ballet class just because it had been an emotional day, in fact it was more reason to go.

Ballet started at 630 and I am so glad I went. I was messing up quite a bit because my mind was all over the place, but it really was a very healing way to end the day. There is just something about expression through movement that can be so liberating and helpful to an aching heart. I came home feeling even more recharged from dance than I did from the nap, and almost felt back to human again.

Today, I'm feeling ok. I met with B-Squared the Grief Man this morning and have just been chilling out with the babes all day. She is so entertaining. Even when she doesn't want to nap. Now to just get through another day and try to find time to smile every now and then.


  1. Congrats on finding a mommies helper. I really wish there was a way to fast forward all this for you but your doing a great job with the ebbs and flows. I didn't know you were a ballerina! Good for you!

  2. I'm so sorry you had a rough day, yesterday (not that I imagine all of your days aren't.) I can only imagine, the pain, of like you said re-opening some wounds from the accident, and learning more or new things from it :(
    I am glad you had your nanny/sitter there to watch Ariana for you though, I think it's important for you to get "breaks" and just be able to sleep and recuperate from the emotions of that day.
    And I think its awesome you still went to ballet, and it seems like it helped you as you say above. They do say that any form of dance is really liberating and therapeutic! Don't forget you are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! (seriously i mean it)

  3. Is the ballet new? Or are you getting back to it? Either way, good for you for finding an outlet, that is so important:) Glad that you also have Ariana to help you smile:)

  4. Hope you day is getting better, have fun dancing.


  5. I hope today is better. I'm glad that at the end of a horrible experience you got out and did something to make yourself feel better. You're inspiring, don't ever forget it.

  6. ((HUGS)) I hope you feel better about knowing more...even if it was draining. Good for you for going to dance anyway. And congrats on finding someone to help out with the wee one!

  7. That is a very legit term. I hope you're having a better day, love <3

  8. Sending you hugs.

    Also tagged you a while back (because you are inspiring) and had emailed you but not sure you ever got it.

  9. I'm glad that you found someone to watch the little one! I hope you are feeling better and I'm glad that the dance class as an outlet. I bet it's great. =)


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