Emotional Zombism

Ah another "Mrs. P term"
Definition: When you have been so emotionally drained that you become a zombie. You can't really feel your body any more, every part of you is tired and exhausted even though you haven't done anything, well, except cry.

Yesterday was tough. I re-opened some wounds by talking to some people and hearing some stuff about the accident. I learned more about the accident and his injuries. It was so very hard. Even though most the stuff I already knew, there were a few things that were just hard to process. When I got home I felt like I wasn't even real. Like my body would just dissolve at any moment because so much had been sucked out already. Luckily, I've got an amazing nanny/sitter/whatever you want to call her and she stayed the whole day so I could recuperate. I slept for 4 hours. I always completely crash out after emotional times and I'm glad that she was there so that I could do just that. Recharge. I got up around 4 and played with the babes for a little while; I'd felt so bad for being MIA during the day but she was still happy to see me. I started her dinner and then got ready for dance. I wasn't going to not go to my ballet class just because it had been an emotional day, in fact it was more reason to go.

Ballet started at 630 and I am so glad I went. I was messing up quite a bit because my mind was all over the place, but it really was a very healing way to end the day. There is just something about expression through movement that can be so liberating and helpful to an aching heart. I came home feeling even more recharged from dance than I did from the nap, and almost felt back to human again.

Today, I'm feeling ok. I met with B-Squared the Grief Man this morning and have just been chilling out with the babes all day. She is so entertaining. Even when she doesn't want to nap. Now to just get through another day and try to find time to smile every now and then.