Adult time

I'm in the market for a nanny. There, I said it. Does it make me a bad mom? No. It means I need a little help and I get a little stir crazy on days when it's just me and Ariana. I do like spending time with her, but sometimes I need adult time, too. If Jonny were here, it'd be different. He'd come home from work and there'd be a grown-up to talk to. Or he could stay at the house with her after work if I had to run to the store real quick (like when I have to run out for smokes) or if I wanted to go to a friend's or to dinner. But he's not here. The reality of the matter is it's just me. No matter how sad or unsad that is, it's the truth. And I need a little help sometimes. So, I've thought about it and I think I would like a nanny. No, I'm not posting this for applications I'm just talking about it because it's what's going on in my life. I think I'll start with a mommy's helper so I can get to know the person and then build a relationship with them where I can leave. I am also hoping to find work. I need something to do and I would really, really like to meet more people.

I did get some adult interaction tonight, however, and it was pretty awesome and very much needed. The lovely blogger Nicole let me know of some ladies time that was going down. I got to meet two other bloggers in real life finally too, as well as some very cool ladies. All in all I had a fun time, Ariana was well behaved at dinner and now she is sleeping away (thank God!) but it's tough because I feel bad getting back after her bed time but on the same account after being by myself, well with her but by myself, all day, I just want to hang out! Hence, the nanny market... wish me luck.

Also, for your added enjoyment, some long over due photos.
Me and my little stink pre-baptism

Jonny on the alter at church. You bet your hiney he was there, in spirit and his body!

Walking back to her seat in her baby wedding dress - lol (and my cute shoes)

What's up Pastor?!

Oh this isn't so bad! Kinda nice actually... hmm...

Some of the ladies at Abbie's birthday I adore this pic because Katie and I look like we're up to no good (probably true...)

Wait... We have to walk a quarter of a mile to run 4? In 97 degree weather? Ugh...

Badass Gold Stars Gone Wild!
Happy (plus a Hurry Up and Wait-er, Lucy)

Have a lovely weekend everyone (I just realized it was Friday about 2.5 hours ago)


  1. I dont at all blame you for wanting a nanny! Sometimes you just need to get out, and like you said have some adult interaction. Otherwise you will go stir crazy! Good luck on that front!
    I love all the pictures, Ariana looked sooo cute in her "baby wedding dress", and I'm glad that Jonny was there also as he always is :)
    BTW just thought I'd let you know your amazing as always! Incase no one has told you that lately!

  2. No, it doesn't make you a bad mommy at all. All of us need our downtime and it makes you a better mommy for wanting to take that time for yourself.

  3. You shouldn't feel bad about wanting or needing a nanny. It isn't any different than putting your child in day care and certainly no one would chide you for that. Having a nanny just means your child is getting one on one care in a familiar setting. I am a nanny myself and know the difference between people who want a nanny and people who want a house keeper who will watch their kids. You def don't seem like the latter so don't feel bad!

  4. Oh I wish I lived by you! Ha ha I've been a mommy's helper/nanny for five years and its the only job I have ever loved! Since I can't have babies, I just love it. I think its great for you to recognize sometimes you need a break or help and especially that you are wanting to get out and work, and meet more people. You can never have too many friends.

    I adore that picture from her baptism. You both look incredibly fabulous!

  5. Ariana looks adorable!!!! I love the baby wedding dress and how happy she looks sort of high fiving the pastor.

    Thanks for sharing mud run pictures too. I hope you find a mother's helper/nanny that you like!

  6. I am a Marine wife and I'm a nanny for another military family. I got my job using they show a little profile about people and have background checks and it's free to military families. Just thought I'd share that. You are not a bad mom for wanting a nanny. You deserve some much needed adult time. Your a great role model for your daughter! Those pictures are so cute!

  7. Glad you came out last night! It was a good time, and hopefully we can start doing that monthly or something. I'm still shocked I got that many people to go out on a Friday!

    And I'm officially submitting my nanny application. for the same reasons, i need to get out of the house...and have interaction with someone other than my dog!

  8. My son's therapist has been bugging me to get a mother's helper for months and I still haven't done it. I think it is very hard for military spouses to ask for help, we are an independent, stubborn lot. We have to realize that sometimes asking for help actually makes us stronger.

    I hope you find the PERFECT mother's helper/nanny! Did you know you can apply to for free? The DoD has provided for it, you just enter some info about your spouse. I assume that even though you are widowed his info will still get you access. At least it had better!

  9. Another thing you can look into is moving to Hagerstown.. Wait... no! Thats not what I was going to say!!! hahaha! No, last year, a father at Ariels school told me that he and his now ex-wife hired an au pair (through a service) and she lived with them, but it was cheaper than like a day care, and stuff, but they had two kids.

    However, theres no shame in needing a nanny! You're doing it on your own, and in order to be the best mommy (and not have a mental breakdown) you need some help!

    I love love love the pictures!!!!!! :-)

  10. You should never feel bad about having mom time. I have four year old twins and a 6 year old and I made time for myself since each of their births. It makes you a BETTER mom and it makes them happy to see you too. I think kids get just as tired of moms as moms do of the kids. Take your time drink some beer and have a great time.

  11. I love the idea of a Mommy's helper. Get one. ;)

    You both do look fabulous, and it looks like her baptism was a memorable one.. So glad! Where did you find her dress? I'm in search of one for our future little bee's!

    The mud run looks fun too! Yay for girl time, a good cause and gettin dirty! Have a great weekend!!

  12. Hey, there's nothing wrong with asking for help. And I'd totally do a nanny over daycare - more personal, less germs, all that good stuff. That sounds great. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

  13. You're a great mother for realizing that the best you can be is one who has some adult time in her life. It will make you a better role model for your daughter. Go nanny away!

  14. I know you don't like to hear negative comments...and really, I don't mean this as one but I know how if is going to come out...

    I am a single mom, and it sucks, but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. You have posted on this blog about more times that you have had "adult" time than I have had in the 13 months since my daughter was born. I have been away from her a grand total of 2 nights. Yes, I want grown up time, but my daughter wants and deserves my mind to. I know you are hurting, and the circumstances that brought us to be single mothers are very different, but I do wonder if more time would benefit you with your daughter as opposed to less. Obviously, I don't know you or what your real experience is, but that it just my 2 cents.

  15. I don't think it makes you a bad mom for needing some adult time, but I do think the fact that you are smoking does. She's lost one parent and here you are trying to kill yourself and leave her an orphan, it'll be fabulous for her to watch you suffer in pain via chemo and since more women die from lung cancer than any other cancer that'll be very special for her too. Her Daddy died protecting our country and her mommy died because she was selfish.

  16. Rachel, I just spent this evening in tears as I read your entire blog! You are such an amazing woman. Thank you for allowing us to follow you on this difficult time in your life; you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your deepest pain, your joy, and most precious moments from your life with us. I hope that each day becomes a little easier for you.

  17. I'm so glad I got to meet you and your adorable daughter! I can't wait to hang out with you again sometime. That's a definite! Glad you had a great weekend lovely and good luck with the nanny hunt! =)

  18. I'm so glad that I got to meet you!! I was all the way at the other end of the table, but, I'm glad that I did finally get to meet you! :-)
    It doesn't make you a bad mom to want to get away sometimes. Trust me... I want to hop in the bathtub with the Calgone and a giant bottle of wine. Now if Calgone really did take you away and I actually liked wine.... ;-)

  19. Ain't nothing wrong with wanting a nanny. I thought about getting one. In fact, I think the primary reason I went back to work is because i couldn't imagine being a stay at home mom for the 7th year. I was done.

    Love the pics. Love seeing you smile.

  20. Wow, I have to address anonymous comment about your smoking..really how dare you try to guilt Rachel about her smoking. Really, she is trying on purpose to kill herself to hurt her daughter? Really, is that all you can take away from this blog that she smokes? How about how assinine that comment is. How about she has opened her heart to the world (blogger world) about what she has been through and how she is attempting to navigate this "thing" that happened to her and her husband and her daughter. Really I am pissed at the heartless comment you would suggest that this woman would ever do anything in the world to intentionally hurt her child. Obviously you are fully self rightous and never have done anything arbitrary. Really, some people! Sorry that is my 2 cents.

  21. girl there is nothing wrong with adult time...keep your head up and like i told you already if we lived closer we would be shopping buds lol

  22. I think every spouse who has lost their husband (or wife) deserve adult time. With that said I am the child of a widow who used the money the government gave her to stay a stay at home mom for her children instead of wasting it on a nanny. I hope you find time to be an adult and continue to be a Mommy. I'm sure your husband wouldn't want anyone else raising your beautiful daughter. : (

  23. other anonymous - while I believe that smoking is a bad HABIT, she is not a bad MOM.

  24. ooohhh.. I LOVE the baptism pictures! Especially love Jonny on the alter.

    Getting help when you just need a break makes you a better Mom, not a worse one. No guilty feelings there at all! The saying "If mama's happy... everybody's happy" has some truth to it. I have found that when I am in a good mood... so are the kids, and when I'm in a bad mood... so are the kids. When I get my "me" time, I am much happier, and so are the kids.

  25. ohh, I like the pictures!!
    ANd, I met an Ariana this weekend- so I thought of yours since she is the only one I ever met before :)
    I think a nanny or helper sounds great!!

  26. Mary R. here (I'm a different anonymous commentor): Please delete those mean anonymous comments, Rachel. (I'm a recent reader of your site.) You should not have to see those awful comments. I'm sorry your blog has attracted trolls.

    I am the wife of a retired military man, an older lady.

    I have read your blog and cry for you. I think you are very brave. Your husband is with you still, in spirit and memory, and also in his/your daughter. I'm glad you have his/your little girl; you will never forget him because of that alone, not to mention other things.

    A suggestion another commenter made about writing down every memory that comes to mind, if you can do it, is a good one. You will want to share those memories with your daughter later.

    I am incensed to read that the media portrayed your husband the way they did. Your military sisters know he is a good Marine. Nobody joins the Marine Corps unless he/she is dedicated to his/her country and patriotic. I hate the way today's media portrays military personnel as victims of the economy. My son is in the military, too.

    Be good to yourself. If you need help via a nanny, that is ok. Your idea of trying out a mother's helper first to see if she would be a good nanny is a good one. The only way to find out if a nanny is for you is to try. Pray for guidance. If you don't like having a nanny, it doesn't have to be permanent.

    It never came across to me that you were wanting a nanny to totally raise your child for you; just for some help and some alone time.

    You are not likely to kill yourself anytime soon by smoking a cigarette. Both my parents smoked a lot and neither one died from it. It didn't harm me, either.

    I think you come across as a great wife and mom. Hugs and blessings.

  27. Awesome pictures!!!

    Good luck on the nanny thing. I totally understand your need for one!

  28. awww your baby girl looks adorable. It's also a very small world. It took me a while to catch up on my bloggy list, but after I saw the pic at the birthday party, I was like "whoa! That's Abbie Ferrell!" I actually went to high school with her in good ol Arkansas. We were never in the same social scene so I doubt she knows me.

    Good luck on finding a nanny. I wish I had one ALL the time. I have a yappy 1 year old who is diva by day and night, and a 3 year old boy who just thinks he knows more than me. And he probably does.

  29. RJP

    Much love your way like always, you need a helper and there is nothing wrong with it at all. Don't listen to a damn word these haters say. Especially the dumb as talking about your smoking. We love you and support all you do. I would guess these people who talk trash have never met you in person like I have.


  30. You did the Mud Run that used to be at Ft. Jax?! We were there, and all of the family (except me) ran. AMAZINGLY strong...Keep up the good work! You're doing fabulous (even when it's not easy)!


Please feel free to leave a thought with me!


Copyright © 2014 | Designed by: Broken Road Creative