A Widow's View on Not Being Too Proud

I woke up this morning and I was super excited to go to my massage that my lovely blog-turned-real-life friend, Amber, got me a gift card for. After this wonderful week (sarcasm) I felt like I could totally use some relaxation in my life. My friend Caitlin was bringing her adorable little 5 month old (literally, her and Ari are 4 days apart, it's sooo cute) to watch the girls while I relaxed for an hour. She told me she'd been sick the night before though and I felt soo bad that she was still here. She is, however, an outstanding friend and told me she really wanted me to get it done. I wished she would have called and stayed home and rested however I was extremely thankful she was there when...
a migraine hit!

Urgh. Seriously? As I'm leaving to go get some much needed me/relax time, I was slammed with one of my complicated, super nasty, bed-all-day, barely able to function migraines. So Cait stuck around and took care of the boops while I slept off the numbness and pain all day. All day she stayed. (Um, Cait, if you're reading this, I can not express to you how thankful I am that you were there for me today.) My functioning levels when I get hit with these things are minimal at best and I am just so thankful and glad to have friends who can pull through when I need them, even when they aren't feeling good to begin with. So, thanks again mama, you're the best.

Through this whole journey, I have learned so much already. I have learned about other people, I have learned about life, and I have learned about myself. One thing I am learning now is how to accept help. I have always been a... uhh.. you could say "proud" person, stubborn is probably a better description. I don't like asking for help, I don't like taking it. I like to do everything, always, by myself. I've always been stubborn and thick-headed but I think this intense need to be "independent" came from my life as a Marine Wife and having to do things myself while he was gone, if I do things by myself always then I won't ever need help, ya know? Yeah, I always asked and received help from my mom, but that's my mom who's helped me my whole life, thank God for my momma! But when it came to friends, or even strangers, I would typically only accept help if I really, really needed. I've been let down in the past by asking for help and getting kind of screwed over and so I have learned the only way to get things done is by yourself. And sometimes, the stubbornness in me says that accepting help is a sign of weakness. But through this whole journey, I am learning that if people are going to offer it, and they really mean it when they offer, there is nothing wrong with accepting help. Someone to help watch your baby when you're sick, people to cook you meals because you can't function enough to even think about eating let alone cooking, people to just talk to, or just someone to have you over for dinner and/or drinks and provide company. Life doesn't have to be done all alone. If there are people willing to help, who find joy in helping (like myself, I love helping and doing things for others, why couldn't I just take it before, I don't know) then there is absolutely nothing wrong with accepting it. No, I'm not saying use people - take everything that comes your way and do nothing in return. However, if someone offers, it is ok to say yes, it is ok to eat someone else's food, it's ok to have someone watch your babe for you, it is ok, and it does not make you (me) less of a person or any weaker. And if I can not do them any favor in return, which I hope all my friends know that whatever they need I am here, I can be their friend, at the very least.

So to my milwife friends out there who are stubborn and indepent like me, I put this out there: if someone wants to help, don't be too proud, take some assistance every once in a while for Pete's sake!

And now, it is almost 2 (again) and I should probably catch some zzz's, I hoping baby gets a nice solid sleep tonight so mommy can as well because we've got a plane to catch in the morning!