A Widow's View on Not Being Too Proud

I woke up this morning and I was super excited to go to my massage that my lovely blog-turned-real-life friend, Amber, got me a gift card for. After this wonderful week (sarcasm) I felt like I could totally use some relaxation in my life. My friend Caitlin was bringing her adorable little 5 month old (literally, her and Ari are 4 days apart, it's sooo cute) to watch the girls while I relaxed for an hour. She told me she'd been sick the night before though and I felt soo bad that she was still here. She is, however, an outstanding friend and told me she really wanted me to get it done. I wished she would have called and stayed home and rested however I was extremely thankful she was there when...
a migraine hit!

Urgh. Seriously? As I'm leaving to go get some much needed me/relax time, I was slammed with one of my complicated, super nasty, bed-all-day, barely able to function migraines. So Cait stuck around and took care of the boops while I slept off the numbness and pain all day. All day she stayed. (Um, Cait, if you're reading this, I can not express to you how thankful I am that you were there for me today.) My functioning levels when I get hit with these things are minimal at best and I am just so thankful and glad to have friends who can pull through when I need them, even when they aren't feeling good to begin with. So, thanks again mama, you're the best.

Through this whole journey, I have learned so much already. I have learned about other people, I have learned about life, and I have learned about myself. One thing I am learning now is how to accept help. I have always been a... uhh.. you could say "proud" person, stubborn is probably a better description. I don't like asking for help, I don't like taking it. I like to do everything, always, by myself. I've always been stubborn and thick-headed but I think this intense need to be "independent" came from my life as a Marine Wife and having to do things myself while he was gone, if I do things by myself always then I won't ever need help, ya know? Yeah, I always asked and received help from my mom, but that's my mom who's helped me my whole life, thank God for my momma! But when it came to friends, or even strangers, I would typically only accept help if I really, really needed. I've been let down in the past by asking for help and getting kind of screwed over and so I have learned the only way to get things done is by yourself. And sometimes, the stubbornness in me says that accepting help is a sign of weakness. But through this whole journey, I am learning that if people are going to offer it, and they really mean it when they offer, there is nothing wrong with accepting help. Someone to help watch your baby when you're sick, people to cook you meals because you can't function enough to even think about eating let alone cooking, people to just talk to, or just someone to have you over for dinner and/or drinks and provide company. Life doesn't have to be done all alone. If there are people willing to help, who find joy in helping (like myself, I love helping and doing things for others, why couldn't I just take it before, I don't know) then there is absolutely nothing wrong with accepting it. No, I'm not saying use people - take everything that comes your way and do nothing in return. However, if someone offers, it is ok to say yes, it is ok to eat someone else's food, it's ok to have someone watch your babe for you, it is ok, and it does not make you (me) less of a person or any weaker. And if I can not do them any favor in return, which I hope all my friends know that whatever they need I am here, I can be their friend, at the very least.

So to my milwife friends out there who are stubborn and indepent like me, I put this out there: if someone wants to help, don't be too proud, take some assistance every once in a while for Pete's sake!

And now, it is almost 2 (again) and I should probably catch some zzz's, I hoping baby gets a nice solid sleep tonight so mommy can as well because we've got a plane to catch in the morning!

18 comments

  1. I'm glad you were able to accept help. Independence is beautiful but breaking down isn't! Let the people who want to be there for you step it up! :D

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  2. Hey! Lurking for a long time, but wanted to comment. I also have HORRIBLE migraines (to the point that half my body and face go numb, and the other half hurts like hte dickens). I started taking GOOD QUALITY fish oil (omega 3), and have not had one since...it's been 11 months!!! I did a post on my blog about it, you'll have to scroll down, but its on the first page still. Safe travels! http://carpentersdust.blogspot.com

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  3. I totally agree that us mil spouses need to stop being so stubborn and proud and accept help. Funny that you mention this today because my last blog post for Blue Star Families was about support and learning how to ask for help. It's so important!!!

    Hope you're feeling better and that you and Ariana slept well!

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  4. Let me know if you need help watching your little one in the future! (Amber can vouch for my sanity and general non-creepiness.) :)birdiesofafeather@gmail.com

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  5. thoughts are with you ... migraines suck a big one.

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  6. http://willowtree.info/product/hero

    I saw this and thought of you. I wish that I could buy it for you.

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  7. There is never anything wrong with accepting help, especially if you need it. It is easier said than done though, because like you, I am also very stubborn and like to do things on my own. But if people are genuine about helping, take it. Everyone needs a breather every once and a while :)

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  8. I have spent the last hour reading this blog. I am so touched and moved by your words and
    Mr. P.'s sacrifice for me and my family. I can not say I know how you feel, but I can say that I have prayed for you and baby girl and those around you!

    Keep doing what you're doing...and go get that Master's degree!

    God Bless.

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  9. great advice.... hope you enjoy your get-away.

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  10. I'm totally the same. I'm very stubborn and I don't like to accept help from a lot of people. But, I will take your advice and make an attempt to accept help from others. Glad your friend was there for you while you were sick! Those are always the best friends to have. Hang in there babe, you're doing amazing.

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  11. Words of wisdom. I think we're told we're "supposed" to be super-independent milwives and then feel guilty when we aren't. But sometimes I have to remind myself that God put 6 billion other people on Earth - and not just me. We don't have to go it alone, and shouldn't.

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  12. ugh. I get migraines too. HATE them. Its like a mac truck slams in, throws it into reverse and aims again as if they'd missed the first time...I'm so sorry!! This post is a good reminder. I'm one of those "stubborn" people who likes to bend over backwards for others yet I'm usually quick to turn down a helping hand because I can "do it myself"...thanks for the reminder! Hope your flights go well and wherever you are headed- your trip goes wonderfully. Praying for you and Ari!!

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  13. I think we all need to hear stuff like this from time to time. I know I definitely need to be reminded that accepting help is okay. Its doing your friends, family, and loved ones a disservice by NOT accepting. Safe flight!!

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  14. Good for you! Sometimes it takes more strength to accept help than it does to do everything yourself.

    Sorry about the migraine. I'm sure you will get that much needed massage soon. Have a safe trip!

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  15. It is so hard for us to ask for help, like you said, because we get USED to doing things on our own as military wives. I am glad to hear you have awesome friends who are helping you see its ok to take once in awhile. Sometime its how people who feel helpless express how they care, by doing something. I am certain Johnny is sending all these real life angels your way.

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  16. first off.... I have a blog award for you over on my blog... go check it out vegastoeverafter.blogspot.com

    secondly... are you able to take a medication to help your migraines??? I hate that you get them (I hate that anybody gets them) but they are no fun to deal with when you have a baby on top of a migraine!!! ((HUGS)) Hillary

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  17. I have been one of those that was do it yourself and dont ask for help... but so willing to help others in need. I FINALLY figured out after (just about) 15 years married to the Corps and on our 6th deployment and 4 little girls... I need help sometimes. Even if for a moment of sanity. It is so important because we CANNOT do it ALL alone! We military wives gotta stick together. Thank you for your inspiration! you are amazing

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  18. thinking of you & little miss ari today on father's day and everyday. i've been following your blog but have yet to comment. you are such an inspiration to others in your situation. keep your head up! praying for you girls!!

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