My Heaven

I am sure after last night's post you all will be very glad? relieved? thankful? to hear that I had a pretty good day. Pretty damn good.

First, thank you. Thank you all for the support through my rough moment. It's not the first time I've had a moment like that but I think it's the first time (maybe it wasn't, I'm not sure, my memory's shot, but either way...) I really blogged my raw feelings in the heat of the "moment" and instead of being terrified or overwhelmed you all were so supportive and uplifting, I am so very thankful for all the wonderful comments I get from you. Last night, it was like a weight crushing down on me, the weight of reality. And blogging, getting it out, was like physically letting it out, some of it. I also talked to some great friends to help pull through the rough patch. On the norm, I feel sad/angry feelings ebb and flow throughout the day, but then I have what I call my "moments" or "meltdowns" like last night and they are just overwhelming and I am always so thankful to have people close to me, if even through the interwebs, to pull me through. I know I am "entitled" to meltdowns and I know to expect them, but it's also nice to know there are people willing to pull me out. Anyway, this post is not about last night, it is about today, so I shall get on with it!

Today, well today was a fun day. All around, unadulterated fun. First, we went up to Castle in the Clouds in the Ossippee Mountains and went for a trail ride. My cousin and I rode horses through the mountains and enjoyed some great views while Gramma and Ari fed the ducks and waited, spending some good QT now that Gramma is feeling herself again. It was my cousin's first time on a horse "without someone leading!" and she did really well. It felt so good to be back in the saddle again, if only for a trail ride, and I am going to need to make a habit of it. Ya see, when I was 10 years old I started riding. And ride I did, I showed (hunter), I trailed, I went to horsecamps, I owned my own horse... the whole nine. But then I got older and interested more in hanging with friends and being a jerk... I mean a teenager... and it fell to the wayside. It's one passion of mine that I've always wanted to get back into but never been able to find the opportunity. I definitely need to hunt down that opportunity now because it is one thing in this life that makes me feel peaceful and some semblance of true happiness.

(Not my photo)

After that we headed up to Attitash Mountain for more fun! We went with intentions of riding the Mountain Coaster but it was not built yet (boo... the huge billboards failed to disclose that... jerks!) so instead we rode the things they did have. The Alpine Slide, which is a really sweet slide that you ride a little sled on down the side of the mountain. It is sooo sick. You take a ski lift to get to the top then you get on your little sled and you control the speed, and if you're not careful, your sled could leave the slide or flip! It's almost like bobsledding but on a dry slide. SO FUN. I did it 4 times... I'm not a child or anything... My cousin also somehow talked me into going on the water slides with her. I did each one once. While they were fun, the heat of the south has definitely creeped its way into my veins and I was freezing in the 80ish degree weather with the mountain breeze. Brr! We spent about 3 fun filled hours there and then headed home, where I am now blogging and feeling the exhaustion of having gotten out of the house.

(Not my pic)

I did get to do some quality thinking today, too. Ski lifts are so peaceful and the view so intense you can't help but let your mind wander. Two of the times I went on the slide, I went alone (cousin was water sliding and I was not up for any more of that) so I had the ride in silence. While I rode, I thought about Heaven. I mean, hello, I'm riding up the side of a mountain... UP UP UP... Heaven kind of just pops into mind, ya know?

Anyway, yeah, I thought about Heaven. Ya see, I always thought Heaven would be different for each person. In my mind, Heaven is customized to each person's loves and experiences and what nots. Makes sense, right? Why would my Heaven be the same as yours? So, I started thinking about what I'd want my Heaven to be like. I didn't get very far, actually, I didn't get passed the arrival. But, the arrival? Well, I've got it down pat.

(Definitely not my pic)

Here's what I wouldn't mind seeing (Hey God, are you paying attention?). I would really like to ride up to Heaven on a ski lift. I think it'd be the perfect way to get there. No riding on angel's wings, no flying in a jet, I think a ski lift would do the trick. Nice and calm, sitting down watching the world get lower and lower. I would prefer that my ski lift didn't make the scary clanking noises that they tend to do, however. But if it did, it'd be ok because I would know that I couldn't fall out. Oh and my ears wouldn't pop from the pressure either, they'd be normal and ok, because it'd be Heaven's ski lift and pressure wouldn't be a problem at that point. Ok, so then I riiiiiide the lift to Heaven and I'm there. I can't even tell you what it looks like, like I said, I haven't gotten that far. But I know when I get off the lift, I'm not scared of falling, I step off and the lift vanishes or something so I don't even have to keep moving like you normally do. And before me will sit a Coachmen USA or Coachmen America, whatever it's called, bus. It will sit there and I will look at the bus. I will look at it and the door will open. And then I'll see the boots. And the boots will descend down the stairs. And my baby will walk off the bus and welcome me into Heaven. He will hold me in his arms and even though we are both but spirits I will feel his warmth once again. Then we will get onto the bus and head into Heaven to meet God and Jesus and do all of our other Heavenly things, ya know get me all checked in and squared away and what not...

Yeah, that's definitely how I see it goin' down... That's my Heaven.