World (East Coast) Travelers

I could use this time to vent about my rampant-running emotions these days, upcoming decisions, and my permanently "lost" state of mind, but ya know what? I don't feel like it.

So instead I would like to point out the fact that my daughter, in her 5 months and 3 days lifespan, has been on 14 planes. You read that right, FOURTEEN. While the majority of our travels have been for very, very somber reasons, it still blows me away what a seasoned traveler my little Princess is. Two to Delaware, 2 home from Delaware, 2 to Florida, 2 home from Florida, 2 to Florida again, 2 home again and this time 2 to Baltimore. On Saturday she will have another one as we're going to New England on a little mini vacation and then one more when we fly back to Baltimore. What a little jet setter! She travels so well, too, Thank God! The worst flights were the ones back from Florida the second time, she was soo worn out and screamed the majority of each flight, but besides those, she's usually a happy little traveler. I think she's got her own airport routine down.

And momma's getting an airport routine as well. I can navigate airport terminals in a stroller like I was born doing it. Today we got from one end of Charlotte to the other in 20 minutes flat! I've learned how to change diapers on the plane, feed in flight, pee with a baby in my lap in the tiny airplane bathrooms, and a multitude of other airport sauve tricks of the trade.

Being a "single mom" is not anything I ever asked for. Sure, I'd planned it in small(ish) doses as a Marine Wife and knew I'd be taking on the roll of both mom and dad at points, it's not anything I actually thought would be my permanent situation. However, the single parent journey is not staring at me so frighteningly, as I see I can hold down the fort, even while traveling. I think I make my babe very proud in knowing that he chose a good woman to raise his daughter if anything were to ever happen to him, someone who could step up and take on the challenge.

I remember when he was in Afghanistan, it was during our last call we ever got actually, after I'd been in North Carolina only a few days, doing the 'single parent' thing for the first time ever. I said to him, Babe this 'single parent' thing is really hard. He said to me something about not saying I was a 'single parent,' that I wouldn't be 'single parenting' for much longer. I told him I know I'm not, I'm just doing it alone right now and it feels that way, and it's hard but I can do it.

Thinking on that conversation crushes my heart, because I wasn't supposed to be a 'single parent' for much longer, my partner in parenting, life, love, all things, was supposed to be home soon. But now, with the cards our family has been dealt, I am left a single mother. I look back on the conversation and at that time. I was terrified to go to NC by myself with a tiny babe, I had no idea what I would do if... (insert me sick, her sick, both of us sick, she won't eat, she won't poop, etc. etc.) and I know I have come a long way, as a parent, from then. I wish upon wish every single day that I didn't have to, but being this is my only choice I am going to do the very best that I can, and seeing how far I have come as a mom, it's not as scary as it once was. Here's to hoping this mind set stays and I can continue down the journey of single parenting with an optimistic eye...


PS Please excuse my run-ons and excessive comma use in this post, it's late, I've been traveling all day, and I'm exhausted. Ok, disclaimer over.